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Suggest treatment for low self confidence

DOCTOR OF THE MONTH - Dec 2015
Dec 2015
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Psychologist
Practicing since : 1993
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Question
I would like to ask about self confidence, my age 32 and I am having a weak self confidence which affect my career, relationship and my social life.

I need an advice regarding this issue on how to improve my confidence.
Posted Sun, 31 Aug 2014 in Mental Health
 
 
Answered by Dr. K. V. Anand 1 hour later
Brief Answer:
YOU SHOULD GAIN CONFIDENCE, I AM SURE

Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXX
Welcome to HCM
We understand your concerns

I went through your details. You are 32. To be specific you are an adult. The developmental process during this period always come across finding role identity, social identity, family identity as well as self satisfaction. But the developmental process is not easy.

Let me explain what self confidence is: Literally The socio-psychological concept of self-confidence relates to self-assurance in one's personal judgment, ability, power, etc. This explains how self assurance is important in self confidence.

In real life, self confidence is considered to be of two types. One comes from experience and the other is taking chances.

In the first one - We gain confidence from our / other's experiences. As simple example, Learning of bicycle. In any case, initially every body are shy, low in confidence, embarrassed. But they always are ready to venture into because of their requirement. After learning, they gain experience in slow and steady manner and it takes months to master cycling. Once he masters, he starts doing tricks. How he gained confidence within months in a unknown art? By experience and of course, need. That self confidence is purely due to experience.

The second one - Simple chance taking. Here there may / may not be any compulsion. When there is compulsion people do take risk, but self confidence never matters. But such an action always increases self confidence even if don't meet success. If it succeeds, self confidence rises multi fold. When there is no compulsion at all, people take it jovially and take risk. Example of this attitude is XXXXXXX rides, gliding etc. Nobody compels you, but you may take risk. Even if you do not take any risk, your confidence never affected. But if you take this risk, your confidence is always aroused.

Hope the concept is clear.

Now to explain your case. If you have enough experience in your field of career, you do have self confidence in that career. If you do not have enough experience, you need to have experience and to have experience, you need to take the first step.

Self confidence level differs from action to action, matter to matter. You may not have the same self confidence level for every thing you do. You may do cycling with full self confidence, may swim with full self confidence, but may not drive a bus even though you are trained, may not teach even though that is child's play.

The best way to improve your confidence level is to practice the action again and again. While practicing always be aware that you are learning. Also be aware that while learning mistakes do happen and never get embarrassed.

If your career, relationship and your social life are affected, you must understand that these are different fields. I do not think you are risk taker. If you want to be a risk taker, and if you mean you want to improve your risk taking ability, my answer is NO. You better do not do that. Take steps cautiously. Take them one by one. You should succeed.

YOU SHOULD GAIN CONFIDENCE, I AM SURE, Just be experiencing things.

Hope this answers your query.
Available for further clarifications.
Good luck.

Dr. K V Anand
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suggest treatment for low self confidence 9 hours later
I didn't understand that I should not be a risk taker and I need to take steps cautiously. Do you mean to solve my career till succeed then relationship and then my social life not everything at the same time. kindly need explanation.
 
 
Answered by Dr. K. V. Anand 4 hours later
Brief Answer:
Motivation is key to success.

Detailed Answer:
Dear
Thank you for the follow up query.

I think you are getting confused about what is to be done. I can understand.

Hope the message I wanted to confirm about your self confidence is clear. Once you can understand what self confidence is, automatically the confusion stops.

As I had explained in detail, self confidence is actually experience and the level of self confidence varies with incident to incident. Therefore, to be self confident or to grow self confidence, you need to get experienced. Everything has a first time. That first time, may be you are filled with either confusion or by clear enthusiasm. In any case, you have to do it.

That is regarding self confidence.

From this second query, I am to understand that your problem is not self confidence. In you career, you maybe having low self confidence level, but that can be improved by learning, interaction, understanding, knowledge gaining and venturing. Take that FIRST STEP and you shall be good. To take that first step, you do not need self confidence, but you need motivation. Motivation to do well, motivation to earn more, motivation for self esteem, life, achievements, career promotions etc etc. These motivations arise when you have drives and needs. Need to live life king size. But if you take life and career easily, then need and motivation never arises.

Let me explain this... Why do you study? What was the need of your graduation or higher studies? What was your motivation? Was there any problem in studying and how you overcome it? Your answers to these questions are also applicable to career. More knowledge, less confusion. Less confusion more boldness, more boldness more experience, more experience more self confidence. Hope you understand.

Once you address your motivation problem, social set up an family set up also gets answers.

Why are you having social problems? Mostly because of your own behavior towards society. Leave others. You cannot control others. You are unable to behave properly and therefore you lack. Why? You may say, lack of self confidence. But I point in different angle. Again motivation. Whenever there is compulsion, you behave right. But you deny and say that I am unable.

Don't worry. Almost everyone are like that. To help you more in this aspect, I need two or three incidents that happened in your life. Include career, social as well as family matters. Incidents that makes you feel low in self confidence. Be descriptive. Psychology / Psychiatry addresses mind based on behavior. I need to know about your behaior more. Please come back with more. I am eager to clarify all you doubts.

Thank you an god bless you.

Dr. K V Anand PhD
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suggest treatment for low self confidence 2 hours later
Dear
Thank you for your reply,

First of all, let me tell you in brief about my career, I started my career since 2007 and until now I worked in 5 companies and each time I left the company is due to my self-confidence noting that each boss is usually praise me for my hard work and creativity. Also I started my career with Diploma and Master Degree and as my bosses usually describe me as a creative and hard worker person, but don’t have self-confidence. This issue affects my career as I started in a big and multinational companies and end in a local and small company.

Second, if we talk about my relationship, I am 32 years old without having a serious relationship or having sex with any girl, I think I started searching for a relationship since 2000 and I usually got rejected from the girl, maybe I am not a talented person on how to attract girls, but I am an average person with a good looking and I think I could have the opportunity to have a relation.
The result from this issue is masturbation since 15 years ago and I can’t stop at all and maybe I started to be out of control on how to stop it.

Nowadays I met an average girl (family issue) and we started to talk since 2 months and I think we will get engage next month, however I am not in love with her at all and I don’t like her personality that much, but my brain is looking for a polite girl with a good family, that why I will move forward but I will be afraid to get involved because of not loving her and my self-confidence as I didn’t have any serious relation before.

If we talked about my social life, my only problem is I don’t have the courage to express my idea or talk in front of many people and I usually show my silent with no opinions.
My hobbies are reading and going to gym and I don’t drink or smoke.

Kindly if you need more details I will be glad to answer your questions.

Thanks
 
 
Answered by Dr. K. V. Anand 22 minutes later
Brief Answer:
Changing the attitude - Changes all.

Detailed Answer:
Dear
Thanks for the follow up query.

I went through your description in detail. Fine. I can understand.

You are a creative and hard working person. Nice to hear that. But your bosses say that you lack self confidence. If it is true, how you can be creative? Self confidence is the base for creativity, any creative thinking. If you do not have self confidence, you cannot work in any of the companies you mentioned. Your problem is your attitude. If you try and try and try again, you are bound to succeed. Never fall prey to misguidance. Why you are unable to change yourself even after these many years? Because you do not want to learn. You do not want to change.

You are an unique personality. You are you. You have your own talents as well as negatives. Everyone have their own negatives. If you cannot attract girls, that does not mean that you are not handsome, just that your personality is such. So what? But why worry? Your attitude here is negative. That is why you are worrying.

I think through this portal it may not be possible to convince you about your attitude. You can have a telephone conversation with me if you desire so. Please ask the customer care people from this portal to arrange for one. I shall explain everything in detail. Till then be patient.

God bless you.

Dr. K V Anand PhD
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suggest treatment for low self confidence 3 hours later
Dear,

Sorry for disconnection due to my credit limit

Can we continue our talk here?

Thanks
 
 
Answered by Dr. K. V. Anand 41 minutes later
Brief Answer:
Try and try again..

Detailed Answer:
Dear
Thanks for your follow up

From the conversation we had over phone, how you felt? When you can act in emergency situation, that means that there is no low confidence. In emergency situation, we act without even needing any self confidence. Because that is what is required.

For a child learning to walk is essential and therefore, he learn to walk even though he falls several times. Children and adults learn swimming even though there is risk of drowning because they need it. I can type so many occasions like the above, which showcases your ability to learn new things in life.

Such self belief, makes you self confident and you shall have self esteem.

You try and try better even though fail again and again. Defeat is a stepping stone towards success. Try and try again. Don't lose your patience. You shall succeed.

I am creating a viber account and then I shall call you.
Take care.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
Follow-up: Suggest treatment for low self confidence 17 minutes later
Dear,

Thanks a lot for your reply and i am waiting for your viber call

Best Regards
 
 
Answered by Dr. K. V. Anand 1 hour later
Brief Answer:
Thank you very much

Detailed Answer:
Thank you very much
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
 
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