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Question: I am not sure if I am depressed.
Last year a guy approached me via a matrimonial site and it turned out to be love on both sides and for a month we exchanged some light memorable moments. He made me feel very special and loved me a lot. We have not met in person. After a month when he told his family about me for marriage, they did not agree and the marriage plans were dropped and he did not force his family as he has no parents and his aunt and uncle brought him up. He wanted to be loyal to them and also did not want me to suffer in their hands.
After all this we accepted the fact but still kept in touch and were very close to each other by phone calls, msgs and XXXXXXX He had also mentioned that he cant stay without talking to me and will be in touch with me always. Now he is married and I am not able to stay without talking to him. I kept messaging him but unfortunately his XXXXXXX was with his wife and created some problem between them. And now he is kind of ignoring and avoiding me. He talks to very formally and this is troubling me a lot.
It's troubling so much that I end up crying very often hours together and sometimes go beyond and think of taking sleeping pills and sleep off permanently. I really understand that he is someone else husband now and I should not be disturbing him. But I really don't know how to handle this situation and feel very weak. some days I lose out on sleep and cry a lot. Lost interest in everything, I used to read books but now am not able to. how much ever I try to divert my mind, I am not successful in doing so.
And also,I fear life as I am 33 yrs old, physically challenged and still not married and do not have proper support from my family. My sisters are married and settled and my dad stays with me. I earn my living.
Because of the above, I am not even able to concentrate on my work and see a depreciating interest at my work. Feel work is becoming too pressurised. I really don't know if I will need an anti depressant or something. Will someone be able to help me.
Last year a guy approached me via a matrimonial site and it turned out to be love on both sides and for a month we exchanged some light memorable moments. He made me feel very special and loved me a lot. We have not met in person. After a month when he told his family about me for marriage, they did not agree and the marriage plans were dropped and he did not force his family as he has no parents and his aunt and uncle brought him up. He wanted to be loyal to them and also did not want me to suffer in their hands.
After all this we accepted the fact but still kept in touch and were very close to each other by phone calls, msgs and XXXXXXX He had also mentioned that he cant stay without talking to me and will be in touch with me always. Now he is married and I am not able to stay without talking to him. I kept messaging him but unfortunately his XXXXXXX was with his wife and created some problem between them. And now he is kind of ignoring and avoiding me. He talks to very formally and this is troubling me a lot.
It's troubling so much that I end up crying very often hours together and sometimes go beyond and think of taking sleeping pills and sleep off permanently. I really understand that he is someone else husband now and I should not be disturbing him. But I really don't know how to handle this situation and feel very weak. some days I lose out on sleep and cry a lot. Lost interest in everything, I used to read books but now am not able to. how much ever I try to divert my mind, I am not successful in doing so.
And also,I fear life as I am 33 yrs old, physically challenged and still not married and do not have proper support from my family. My sisters are married and settled and my dad stays with me. I earn my living.
Because of the above, I am not even able to concentrate on my work and see a depreciating interest at my work. Feel work is becoming too pressurised. I really don't know if I will need an anti depressant or something. Will someone be able to help me.
Brief Answer:
Its more of a adjustment problem
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query word by word and understand your concerns.
Although there are few depressive symptoms but I do not think it is depression. What you are going through is excessive expectation from someone about whom you know that is husband of someone else. At the same time I applaud your understanding and awareness about the problem.
I am writing down few of the strategies which will be helpful for stress management. I hope this will help you in long term in managing current problem.
1. Diet: Ensure intake of adequate quantity of fiber. 2 servings of vegetable salad and 2 servings of fruits( One preferable citrus fruit). Avoid junk food and fast food especially pizza, burgers and excessive sweets
2. Ensure adequate water intake: Follow rule of 1 which i usually advise. 1 glass of water 1 hour before and 1 glass of water 1 hour after every meals will ensure adequate consumption of water . Recommended intake of water is 2 to 3 liter a day.
3. Early morning Exercise: Brisk walking (if your physical disability allows)for 30 minutes at a stretch preferably in garden will be very helpful. Walking is the best exercise, it also promotes release of Endorphins( naturally occurring pain killers released in brain) which causes mood elevation and generalized feeling of well being. Make it a daily habit and incorporate in your lifestyle.
4. Avoid tea/coffee/ nicotine and alcoholic beverages: If at all you want to drink something, drink fresh lime water. It is very much refreshing.
5. Start your day with a glass of Lemon water with 2 spoons of honey added. have a good breakfast.
6. Don't take work so seriously: We all have the feeling to excel in our respective fields and don't spend adequate time with our own self trying to understand our own needs.
The work pressure is high: Call it a day, take a short leave and hit out to picnic spot which you always wanted to go. Spend time with your family and friends.
7. While working take frequent regular breaks: Taking regular breaks will not waste the time, but it will definitely increase the productivity, concentration and reasoning. Take break for 5 minutes every 30 minutes.
8. Avoid late night socialization
9. Avoid starring for longer time at the computer screen or TV for longer time
10. Steam inhalation before going to sleep will be very refreshing.
11. Multivitamin and Calcium supplement.
12. Meditation and Yoga
I hope the above mentioned strategies will help you to improve your will power and reduce the stress which causing current symptoms. Option of medication will be considered if you are not able to control the things with all these steps.
If you feel more need to be done feel free to contact me. I will be happy o help you.
Thanks and Regards
Dr Ashok
Its more of a adjustment problem
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I read your query word by word and understand your concerns.
Although there are few depressive symptoms but I do not think it is depression. What you are going through is excessive expectation from someone about whom you know that is husband of someone else. At the same time I applaud your understanding and awareness about the problem.
I am writing down few of the strategies which will be helpful for stress management. I hope this will help you in long term in managing current problem.
1. Diet: Ensure intake of adequate quantity of fiber. 2 servings of vegetable salad and 2 servings of fruits( One preferable citrus fruit). Avoid junk food and fast food especially pizza, burgers and excessive sweets
2. Ensure adequate water intake: Follow rule of 1 which i usually advise. 1 glass of water 1 hour before and 1 glass of water 1 hour after every meals will ensure adequate consumption of water . Recommended intake of water is 2 to 3 liter a day.
3. Early morning Exercise: Brisk walking (if your physical disability allows)for 30 minutes at a stretch preferably in garden will be very helpful. Walking is the best exercise, it also promotes release of Endorphins( naturally occurring pain killers released in brain) which causes mood elevation and generalized feeling of well being. Make it a daily habit and incorporate in your lifestyle.
4. Avoid tea/coffee/ nicotine and alcoholic beverages: If at all you want to drink something, drink fresh lime water. It is very much refreshing.
5. Start your day with a glass of Lemon water with 2 spoons of honey added. have a good breakfast.
6. Don't take work so seriously: We all have the feeling to excel in our respective fields and don't spend adequate time with our own self trying to understand our own needs.
The work pressure is high: Call it a day, take a short leave and hit out to picnic spot which you always wanted to go. Spend time with your family and friends.
7. While working take frequent regular breaks: Taking regular breaks will not waste the time, but it will definitely increase the productivity, concentration and reasoning. Take break for 5 minutes every 30 minutes.
8. Avoid late night socialization
9. Avoid starring for longer time at the computer screen or TV for longer time
10. Steam inhalation before going to sleep will be very refreshing.
11. Multivitamin and Calcium supplement.
12. Meditation and Yoga
I hope the above mentioned strategies will help you to improve your will power and reduce the stress which causing current symptoms. Option of medication will be considered if you are not able to control the things with all these steps.
If you feel more need to be done feel free to contact me. I will be happy o help you.
Thanks and Regards
Dr Ashok
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Ashwin Bhandari
Answered by
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