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Suggest treatment for depression and low self-esteem after incestuous thoughts during adolescence

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Posted on Thu, 12 May 2016
Question: I am 35 male from XXXXXXX and suffer from very low self esteem, depression and social anxiety. My low self esteem is because I used to have incest thoughts when I was 15 to 17 years of age on my younger and elder sisters. I used to kiss them when they were asleep and run my hands over their parts to get aroused. I used to masturbate thinking of them.
I grew up in poor, old fashioned, orthodox family in southern XXXXXXX in an environment where the only female contact I had was with my family members. I studied in a boy's school.
Now, I am ashamed of myself and am deeply depressed which is affecting my day to day functioning. I even question why did god let this happen? My question is - Will everybody have incest thoughts on their siblings at one point or another in their lives? What is the statistics here? Was my teen behavior normal?
How do get rid of my guilt and improve my self esteem? How do I make sense of it all? How to become mentally healthy again? Please let me know how I can forgive myself, get rid of shame and guilt, develop a positive and hopeful outlook on life and start believing in god again. The past appears to be an everlasting defeat for me. Once above problem is overcome I will be able to engage positively with life again. Please help with an answer to YYYY@YYYY as soon as possible. If I overcome this problem, I'll be liberated of all guilt and shame. Why did god let this happen if he really is all powerful? The logical, scientific side of me says god is a cooked up concept by humans as a defense mechanism for events outside of our control. Please help me make sense of it all and get out of what seems to be an eternal defeat.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar (2 hours later)
Brief Answer:
It is important to move on

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Health care magic.

I read your query and understand your concerns.

First regarding the incest thoughts I like to inform you that surprisingly they are very common and occur in approximately 50% of general population in their life time. Around 10 % of people have repeated thoughts and engage in some sort of sexual involvement and around 1-2 % have sexual intercourse.

Having said this it is not surprising as human is basically evolved social animal and society came much late in human life much after the evolution of human being. The so called social norms and expectations are derivatives of human being and there is no role of supreme power in construction of social goals.

I understand your guilt as our superego is inherited from society and elders where such incest thoughts are not acceptable. Your activity like kissing and touching was not as per social norms but it is important to understand that adolescence is evolutionary part of human development and all kind of thoughts/experiment take place during that stage. Additionally brain is not that mature during development phase and such thoughts are very common and plausible to happen.

To overcome the guilt following things need to be done.
1. First you need to understand that you are not alone with such thoughts.
2. Secondly these thoughts are part of human being but aberrant for human society which came much later in development.
3. Thirdly you have stopped all these thoughts and there is no such ongoing thoughts.


I hope this helps you.
You can always get back to me if you have further query.
Thanks and regards

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Deepak
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ashok Kumar (2 days later)
Thanks for the response.
Could you please let me know any online resources, links and books that provide additional resources and methods for coping and getting rid of shame, guilt and low self esteem?
Please share any case study you may have (with anonymised names if you so prefer) where any one with case similar to mine was able to come out of guilt and develop positive self image and life outlook successfully with techniques suggested by you or any of your colleague doctors?

Also are there any online support groups or discussion forums for people with case similar to mine?

Request you to please let me know the techniques, methods, thoughts and routines I need to adopt to develop a positive self image and life outlook.

Your support, expertise and advice will allow me to lead a normal, positive life and end the suffering and defeating thoughts I am going through.

Will eagerly wait to receive your response.

Thanks and regards,
XXXX
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar (10 hours later)
Brief Answer:
Cognitive behavior therapy is answer to your needs

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for reverting back to me.

As I can see there is depression, anxiety and social anxiety along with guilt associated with incest ideas.

Despite having absence of incest ideas at this moment presence of guilt is completely indicative of psychopathology.

I do appreciate your effort to self help but I feel that could be more disastrous as the content is not monitored and may create more guilt. Additionally there is no quality of material available over the internet due to stigma associated with such ideas and similarly acceptance of incest in few societies.

Considering all these facts I am the opinion that you should go for cognitive behavior therapy from a expert in your city. I must inform you that kind of guilt and symptoms you have, it will be the best choice for you.

There re number of android applications available over the google play for your use if you insist on that part.

I take this opportunity to inform you about not searching random websites on vary matter due to conflicting data over them.

I hope this helps you.
Thanks and regards


Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad
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Answered by
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Dr. Ashok Kumar

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2000

Answered : 3287 Questions

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Suggest treatment for depression and low self-esteem after incestuous thoughts during adolescence

Brief Answer: It is important to move on Detailed Answer: Hello, Thanks for using Health care magic. I read your query and understand your concerns. First regarding the incest thoughts I like to inform you that surprisingly they are very common and occur in approximately 50% of general population in their life time. Around 10 % of people have repeated thoughts and engage in some sort of sexual involvement and around 1-2 % have sexual intercourse. Having said this it is not surprising as human is basically evolved social animal and society came much late in human life much after the evolution of human being. The so called social norms and expectations are derivatives of human being and there is no role of supreme power in construction of social goals. I understand your guilt as our superego is inherited from society and elders where such incest thoughts are not acceptable. Your activity like kissing and touching was not as per social norms but it is important to understand that adolescence is evolutionary part of human development and all kind of thoughts/experiment take place during that stage. Additionally brain is not that mature during development phase and such thoughts are very common and plausible to happen. To overcome the guilt following things need to be done. 1. First you need to understand that you are not alone with such thoughts. 2. Secondly these thoughts are part of human being but aberrant for human society which came much later in development. 3. Thirdly you have stopped all these thoughts and there is no such ongoing thoughts. I hope this helps you. You can always get back to me if you have further query. Thanks and regards