Suggest treatment for borderline personality disorder

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Posted on Mon, 15 Jun 2015 in Mental Health
Question: Hello. My husband and I separated in January when I asked him to leave following a year of intense difficulties (this followed an argument he had with my 27yr old son who intervened in a situation where my husband was (and had a history of) treating me badly in his company). that situation resulted in a 3 week separation. He spent 2014 insisting I should have 'stopped it' and that I have no control over my children. He simply cannot accept his behaviour was what prompted the argument. We had previously been separated for 6 weeks in 2010 when I caught him with another woman. He denied an affair (to me and everyone who would listen - claiming I 'set him up') for 3 months until I loaded some spy software an was able to prove he was still in contact. He then apologised. This time he has just started seeing a psychologist. She now claims (and my sister in law sent me an email from my husband confirming this) tht I have Borderline Personality Disorder. He is a chronic liar and always has been. I am happy to put my hand up and find out what it is I contributed to the malaise (obviously I had a hand in it). But I did the test on the website my father in law received and I clearly do not - based on a result of 6 - have bpd. Surely this is unbelievably unprofessional of this woman to be 'diagnosing' me based on my husband's allegations? I used to worry he was narcisstic or had Bipolar 3 but after reading 'Why does he do that' (Lundy Bancroft) I am sure he is simply angry and controlling. Do you have any advice as to where I can turn? If he lies to his therapist I doubt he will ever be able to be helped? We have an 11 year old daughter. He is a XXXXXXX family lawyer.
thankyou
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Answered by Dr. Preeti Parakh 2 hours later
Brief Answer:
Please do not worry about what the psychologist may or may not have said.

Detailed Answer:
Hi XXXXXXX

Welcome to Healthcare Magic!

I understand you are feeling disgruntled by the "diagnosis"/label of borderline personality disorder. No psychiatrist or psychologist can make a diagnosis without meeting the person. Personality disorders are actually quite difficult to diagnose even after the person has been assessed in detail. In addition, all doctors know that information received from just one family member is not considered reliable until it has been corroborated by other sources. I do not think that the psychologist would have made such a diagnosis for you. At the most, she might have suggested that borderline personality disorder is a possibility, and probably that suggestion too would have been in response to a direct inquiry by your husband. So please stop worrying about any personality disorders you may or may not have, unless you yourself or people you trust feel something is wrong. Please also keep in mind that I would have said the same thing even if you had scored differently on the online test you took. Questionnaires are not a good method of making psychiatric diagnoses and should not be given undue importance.

I feel that the current problem in your marriage is not any psychiatric diagnosis but a lack of mutual trust. I guess this probably started after he was caught having an affair and has gradually increased. I feel that your husband knows that he is in the wrong and he tries to assuage his guilt by attempting to show that you are no better than him. It is indeed a difficult time for both of you and also for your children. In my opinion, you should try to handle him just as you would have dealt with an errant child, firmly but with kindness. It will be difficult but you can do it if you have faith in yourself. Do not let any comments/mails from your in-laws shake your belief in yourself. Stand up for what you believe is the right thing, but with acceptance for people who may have different views. Your mature handling of this matter will be the best way to show everyone that you do not have any personality disorder.

I hope this helps you. Please feel free to ask in case you need any clarifications.

Best wishes.

Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Shanthi.E
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Answered by
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Dr. Preeti Parakh

Addiction Medicine Specialist

Practicing since :2002

Answered : 1486 Questions

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