Suggest treatment for anxiety
Your "allergies" to cleaning the house and ironing gave me a good chuckle :)
Remind me, what kind of work do you do? Do you enjoy it? How were things going prior to 15 months ago? Did something happen around then (specifically, not just anxiety/panic in general) that caused a specific incident or problem at work that has spiralled out of control? Are you working now that you are living outside South XXXXXXX or taking some time off?
Think through these questions, it will help to organize your thinking about work. Then we can take a look at the situation together and try to make some sense of it, and how to help.
To best describe my overall picture is to say that I spend more time fixing what I previously did wrong. Each time I do this, I fall further behind and create a bigger mess to get out of.
I have a bunch of resumes out for work in SD but hearing not much yet
I understand. It must be stressful to be worrying about something (accounting) that you previously found enjoyable and rewarding.
Why the change from the roofing company to the retail corporation? When was that? Was it because of the move out of SD?
Have time pressures actually increased, or has your anxiety caused you to slow down, making and fixing more mistakes? How do you feel about that? I would suspect this is sort of an anxiety spiral, panic causing you to make mistakes and then worrying more about those mistakes and so on.
What would be your ideal job back in SD right now? Working in a small company, a big company? Something light or something more intensive?
My direct boss is a high wired, brilliant minded individual. She has 5 college degrees that she obtained in 6 years worth of study. Anyway, she can see things immediately that others miss. I believe that she fails to see that others do not work at her level and her expectations. I fail to keep up with her, the attempt to get everything done on time causes me to work faster with less follow up to ensure accuracy. This then causes more problems as I have to go back and correct.
So I am not going to fret to much other than try to keep things clean so that when i leave there is no issues. Up in SD I would like to go back to smaller companies where I can keep up and not have these problems.
You seem to have great abilities
I find it interesting that you use phrases like "I've created a mess," "fail," "stupid mistakes." These are phrases that suggest you are embarrassed or feel you are incompetent in some way. Am I right? I think it is important to keep in mind that you have been dealing with enormous amounts of stress over the last several months and even years, stress that would cause many people to function so poorly they would lose their job or otherwise fall apart. You've managed to keep things together despite enormous anxiety and panic, which is actually a testament to your great abilities.
I think your approach to not fret too much is a good one. You clearly have talent as an accountant, and any job you find you will excel at, especially since now you are developing new insights and tools to help manage your anxiety.
I have a busy weekend with band rehearsal on sat afternoon late and to catch work up I must put rest in there too
I certainly respect your taking responsibility for things. I only intend to point out that there are many reasons why these mistakes were made, and not all of these reasons are your fault. Specifically, it's not your fault that you're experiencing anxiety and panic attacks. So, it's okay to give yourself a break and not get too down on yourself about these mistakes -- a significant portion of this was indeed out of your control and not your fault at all.
I hope you have a fantastic weekend. I look forward to hearing how the band rehearsal goes, and if it improves your mood. I hope it keeps your mind occupied and helps relieve some of that anxiety. When you aren't working, try to relax this weekend with things you know help you -- a warm bath/shower, candles, music. Take it easy and let me know how it goes!
Now that we're at the end of this thread, go ahead and rate/close and open up a new one whenever you'd like. You know the drill.
Strange events with lingering anxiety after effects or maybe simple thought suggestion
Watched a movie with some heavy physical activity. Just thinking of that activity set a sensation of heavy short breathing.
Today had burdensome day with stress included thank goodness tomorrow is band day.
Wait to hear from you. My next thread will be on new thread
It is not surprising to me that seeing a movie with heavy physical exertion in it triggered anxiety in you. Your mind is trained to be scared of exertion, in any setting, because that means shortness of breath which your mind associated with COPD and dying. When you're confronted with this, just remember that you do not have COPD. Your breathing may quicken and you may feel short of breath, but remind yourself that this is not dangerous. Utilize your rational mind to fight against this fear reflex. Tomorrow will be a better day with band practice, I'm sure of it.
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