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Question: My husband spends lots of money on his ex-wife and kids but will not spend money on me. He tells me I work and I can live within my own means. My husband makes over a $100,000 per year. My annual salary is $16,000. I still have my own bills and three children of my own from a previous marriage to take care of and am left with very little money at the end of the month to do anything for myself. I have at times not had money to put gas in my car and when I have asked if he could help me out, he just says it is not his problem. He bought his ex-wife a two night get-away for the her, her mother and their two children for Christmas. This was in addition to spending another $1000 just on his kids for Christmas. He gave me a $30 cutting board; I know it seems selfish to feel jilted but I can't help but feel this is a reflection of how he feels about me and our marriage. I spent $500 on QVC on him and his kids for Christmas, which I will be paying for monthly for the next 6 months. I need some help. He says I am crazy and have no right to be upset. He tells me I have no right to his money and he can do what he wants with it. I want to leave, but am so broke all the time, I don't know how. Other than this he is nice and doesn't hit me. He is a poor communicator and makes promises that he never stands by.
Brief Answer:
Marriage counselling and behaviour therapy will help you
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for asking from HCM
I have read your query and I can understand your concern. Your problem with ex-wife of your husband is right and such type of problem is acceptable. He is spending more and more money on his ex-wife and not giving importance to you and this should not be ignored. You have mentioned that marriage counselling helped but situation never changed.
I would advise you to talk to him clearly in low tone voice and convey your message. Don't argue with him instead try to explain him that you should be given importance than his ex-wife. Don't talk about his children and his ex-wife, instead try to talk about your problems. Explain him that you also need money at the end of months and you are his wife. Don't talk bad about his ex-wife because as per my opinion currently he is not in state to listen bad about his ex wife.
If possible you can take help of marriage counsellor again for help. Counselling will help both of you to discover new things and he should improve a little. You can also attend behaviour therapy sessions to keep yourself relaxed. Cognitive Behaviour therapy will keep you relaxed and this will improve your confidence and you will probably find best way by yourself. This is not a type of problem that can be solved by some medicines, a proper counsellor and changing behaviour a little will help you a lot. You are in adult age and should not feel low about these problems instead try to find out a solution.
In follow up question please provide few details like-
Whether you talked with him directly about these things?
What was his answer on these things?
Whether he care about your children?
If you attended counselling together with him or alone?
Thanks, please don't hesitate to ask again in followup.
Marriage counselling and behaviour therapy will help you
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for asking from HCM
I have read your query and I can understand your concern. Your problem with ex-wife of your husband is right and such type of problem is acceptable. He is spending more and more money on his ex-wife and not giving importance to you and this should not be ignored. You have mentioned that marriage counselling helped but situation never changed.
I would advise you to talk to him clearly in low tone voice and convey your message. Don't argue with him instead try to explain him that you should be given importance than his ex-wife. Don't talk about his children and his ex-wife, instead try to talk about your problems. Explain him that you also need money at the end of months and you are his wife. Don't talk bad about his ex-wife because as per my opinion currently he is not in state to listen bad about his ex wife.
If possible you can take help of marriage counsellor again for help. Counselling will help both of you to discover new things and he should improve a little. You can also attend behaviour therapy sessions to keep yourself relaxed. Cognitive Behaviour therapy will keep you relaxed and this will improve your confidence and you will probably find best way by yourself. This is not a type of problem that can be solved by some medicines, a proper counsellor and changing behaviour a little will help you a lot. You are in adult age and should not feel low about these problems instead try to find out a solution.
In follow up question please provide few details like-
Whether you talked with him directly about these things?
What was his answer on these things?
Whether he care about your children?
If you attended counselling together with him or alone?
Thanks, please don't hesitate to ask again in followup.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Shanthi.E
Answered by
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