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Suffering From Anger And Anxiety. What Is The Cure?

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Posted on Mon, 9 Dec 2013
Question: Hi, I'm currently in a relationship with a 33 year-old man who, over the past two years, has begun to experience cyclic bouts of rage. The rest of the time he is the kindest person. I have known him for almost 5 years. The bouts of anger started when he quit his job due to what he refers to as "work-related stress" and began to depend on his parents' money. He accepts a lot of verbal abuse from his mother, and every so often (every 3-4 months) he becomes verbally abusive himself, and directs his rage at me. During these episodes, which last around 24-48 hours, he accuses me for all the hardship he has to endure in his life. I have sometimes had to walk out on him, as there's no reasoning him or calming him down. The following day/in the course of the following weeks, he does not apologize, but he acts like an XXXXXXX He tries to make it up to me, and acts as though the violent fits never occurred. I have tried to discuss these episodes with him, but he refuses to see his behaviour as a problem. At first, I attributed the crises to some sort of emotional transfer (he transfers upon me the rage he feels against his mother - he is undergoing psychoanalysis at the moment), but over time, mainly due to his denial of the problem, I have come to wonder if there isn't an underlying mental issue underhand... some professional advice would be much appreciated. Might I add that my partner is 33-year old, perfectly capable, and highly intelligent person. He is highly anxious, and he worries a lot about how other people perceive him.
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Answered by Dr. Shoaib Khan (2 hours later)
Brief Answer: Personality disorder; needs help at earliest Detailed Answer: Hello ma'am and welcome. Thank you for writing in to us. Based on the provided information, I have come to develop the opinion that your partner might be suffering from a personality disorder, and that he may not be making this up. For your reference I shall list some of the most common symptoms of a personality disorder: -Frequent mood swings -Difficult relationships (in his case with his parents) -Poor control on temperament, decision making, etc. -Angry outbursts -Suspicion -Denial to having any current issues and many others. Causes can be various, both the most common ones are either due to difficult surroundings, or a hereditary pattern. I would like to now state the most important aspect of my response, which is the part which should result in helping him and yourself. Following are my suggestions: -Following the psychoanalysis, he will have to consult a psychotherapist who should be able to establish a diagnosis and also initiate various forms of therapy (eg. psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc.) -A referral will then be made to a psychiatrist -Family support: For this his parents will have to be involved. They will have to understand the situation and provide as much love and care as possible. I understand he is getting the same from you, but keeping your safety in mind as well, I would advise you to stay in constant touch with his therapist, so you can call the doctor for help, in case you are ever threatened -Medications: This can only be prescribed by the psychiatrist and will target depression, mood swings, and anxiety mainly I hope I have succeeded in addressing all the issues that you need to be aware about. Please feel free to write to me about anything absolutely. I would love to be of as much assistance as possible. Please be safe, and always keep a person you trust well-informed about your whereabouts and safety. Please do not misunderstand me, I only say this as people in your partners position are very fragile and can have sudden outbursts. These can be unsafe for the people around them, and I am only as concerned for you, as I am for him. Best wishes.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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Answered by
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Dr. Shoaib Khan

General & Family Physician

Practicing since :2009

Answered : 9409 Questions

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Suffering From Anger And Anxiety. What Is The Cure?

Brief Answer: Personality disorder; needs help at earliest Detailed Answer: Hello ma'am and welcome. Thank you for writing in to us. Based on the provided information, I have come to develop the opinion that your partner might be suffering from a personality disorder, and that he may not be making this up. For your reference I shall list some of the most common symptoms of a personality disorder: -Frequent mood swings -Difficult relationships (in his case with his parents) -Poor control on temperament, decision making, etc. -Angry outbursts -Suspicion -Denial to having any current issues and many others. Causes can be various, both the most common ones are either due to difficult surroundings, or a hereditary pattern. I would like to now state the most important aspect of my response, which is the part which should result in helping him and yourself. Following are my suggestions: -Following the psychoanalysis, he will have to consult a psychotherapist who should be able to establish a diagnosis and also initiate various forms of therapy (eg. psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, etc.) -A referral will then be made to a psychiatrist -Family support: For this his parents will have to be involved. They will have to understand the situation and provide as much love and care as possible. I understand he is getting the same from you, but keeping your safety in mind as well, I would advise you to stay in constant touch with his therapist, so you can call the doctor for help, in case you are ever threatened -Medications: This can only be prescribed by the psychiatrist and will target depression, mood swings, and anxiety mainly I hope I have succeeded in addressing all the issues that you need to be aware about. Please feel free to write to me about anything absolutely. I would love to be of as much assistance as possible. Please be safe, and always keep a person you trust well-informed about your whereabouts and safety. Please do not misunderstand me, I only say this as people in your partners position are very fragile and can have sudden outbursts. These can be unsafe for the people around them, and I am only as concerned for you, as I am for him. Best wishes.