Sign-in to Ask A Doctor - 24x7
OR
Sign in with Google
Spat Between Partner Due To Loss Of Interest In Sex, Often Scratch Vagina In Deep Sleep. Could That Be Masturbation?
Question: Hi,
I am 39 yrs old and me and my husband have not had sex for past 3 yrs due to my 3 yr old sleeping between us and I did not get any contraceptive procedure and waiting to get it done. Now my spouse is accusing me that for the past year I am masturbating in bed and I lost interest in him. I am trying to find if its true as I recall that I black out in sleep and I dont even know you can do it and you dont know it. I feel that I may be itching in vagina and might have scratched there as I swear I do not have any sexual desire as I am so tired and all I want is rest.
I suddenly got up 2 days before and saw myself scratching my private part intensly and stopped it immediately and went back to sleep. Now I am dreading to sleep whilst I do the same and confirms what my husband is thinking it all the time. Now my question is is it itch or masturbating because I dont know it myself but I can say I am in deep sleep to recall what I am doing. This has become a barrier in me and my husband communication and I dont want my family break up. what can I do? We tried to have sex with condoms before but it was painful for me , and I am tired after working and hence I have been abstaining from sex for past 3 yrs too.
Please help me find answers, thank you for your help.
I am 39 yrs old and me and my husband have not had sex for past 3 yrs due to my 3 yr old sleeping between us and I did not get any contraceptive procedure and waiting to get it done. Now my spouse is accusing me that for the past year I am masturbating in bed and I lost interest in him. I am trying to find if its true as I recall that I black out in sleep and I dont even know you can do it and you dont know it. I feel that I may be itching in vagina and might have scratched there as I swear I do not have any sexual desire as I am so tired and all I want is rest.
I suddenly got up 2 days before and saw myself scratching my private part intensly and stopped it immediately and went back to sleep. Now I am dreading to sleep whilst I do the same and confirms what my husband is thinking it all the time. Now my question is is it itch or masturbating because I dont know it myself but I can say I am in deep sleep to recall what I am doing. This has become a barrier in me and my husband communication and I dont want my family break up. what can I do? We tried to have sex with condoms before but it was painful for me , and I am tired after working and hence I have been abstaining from sex for past 3 yrs too.
Please help me find answers, thank you for your help.
Hello,
Thanks for your query.
I appreciate your efforts for medical consultation in so much distress.
Important aspects of your query are:
• 39 year old female
• Complaints of: vaginal scratching during sex and avoidance of sex due to pain.
In your case scratching of vagina during sleep is not a big problem. It can occur due to vaginal itching or parasomnias like sexsomnia (category of sleep disorders that involve abnormal and unnatural movements, behaviors, emotions, perceptions, and dreams in connection with sleep).
In your case primary issue is abstinence from sex for last 3 year, which is serious condition for couple, considering natural need for sex for spouse. As you are abstaining from sex due to pain, in that case there is need to find out cause of these and need to treat it.
Pain during sex known as dyspareunia. Causes of pain in your case may be due to:
-Insufficient lubrication
-Inflammation, infection or skin disorder
-Vaginismus: Involuntary spasms of the muscles of the vaginal wall (vaginismus) can make attempts at penetration very painful. It can occur due to injury or stress or anxiety.
-Endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, uterine prolapse, retroverted uterus, uterine fibroids, cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, hemorrhoids and ovarian cysts.
-Surgeries or medical treatments. Scarring from surgeries that involve your pelvic area, including hysterectomy, can sometimes cause painful intercourse.
Emotional factors
-History of sexual abuse. Most women with dyspareunia don't have a history of sexual abuse, but if you have been abused, it may play a role.
Detailed medical history and examination will help narrow down diagnosis, followed by investigation. For couple it is better to solve this problem as soon as possible, to avoid conflict due to lack of sex in life. In my opinion it is better to seek help from gynecologist. Same time seek help from psychiatrist for marital counseling.
I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. In case of any doubt, I will be available for follow ups.
Wish you good health.
Regards,
Thanks for your query.
I appreciate your efforts for medical consultation in so much distress.
Important aspects of your query are:
• 39 year old female
• Complaints of: vaginal scratching during sex and avoidance of sex due to pain.
In your case scratching of vagina during sleep is not a big problem. It can occur due to vaginal itching or parasomnias like sexsomnia (category of sleep disorders that involve abnormal and unnatural movements, behaviors, emotions, perceptions, and dreams in connection with sleep).
In your case primary issue is abstinence from sex for last 3 year, which is serious condition for couple, considering natural need for sex for spouse. As you are abstaining from sex due to pain, in that case there is need to find out cause of these and need to treat it.
Pain during sex known as dyspareunia. Causes of pain in your case may be due to:
-Insufficient lubrication
-Inflammation, infection or skin disorder
-Vaginismus: Involuntary spasms of the muscles of the vaginal wall (vaginismus) can make attempts at penetration very painful. It can occur due to injury or stress or anxiety.
-Endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, uterine prolapse, retroverted uterus, uterine fibroids, cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, hemorrhoids and ovarian cysts.
-Surgeries or medical treatments. Scarring from surgeries that involve your pelvic area, including hysterectomy, can sometimes cause painful intercourse.
Emotional factors
-History of sexual abuse. Most women with dyspareunia don't have a history of sexual abuse, but if you have been abused, it may play a role.
Detailed medical history and examination will help narrow down diagnosis, followed by investigation. For couple it is better to solve this problem as soon as possible, to avoid conflict due to lack of sex in life. In my opinion it is better to seek help from gynecologist. Same time seek help from psychiatrist for marital counseling.
I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. In case of any doubt, I will be available for follow ups.
Wish you good health.
Regards,
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
Get personalised answers from verified doctor in minutes across 80+ specialties
