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My daughter has suddenly rejected me and is being abused

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Posted on Sat, 23 Mar 2019
Question: My daughter has suddenly rejected me and is being abused by an alienating mother, my ex. Recently i learned that though we shared custody , my ex wife encouraged our daughter to dwell on my imperfections , to believe I was the enemy . No parent is perfect, but how could my own daughter betray me and become cold, so abruptly when we had been so close? My exwife seemed to keep the divorce conflict on HIGH, but since i focused on our daughter's comfort and on diffusing the pain. Now at 20, our daughter seems to overreact too. After I had to cancel one planned day trip with her, she disinvited me to her college graduation . i met this w/ disbelief ! Ive subsequently discovered the full scope of the brainwashing and alienating fears instilled in this child I adored, valued, and respected. It will be a year tomorrow since the apple of my eye would take my calls, read my holiday cards, hug or laugh with me. my heart is broken . i am angry and confused as to my daughters cruelty , bewildered . its as if she died. please help.
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Answered by Dr. Diptanshu Das (6 hours later)
Brief Answer:
Family counseling needed.

Detailed Answer:
Thanks for using the ask a doctor service.

I have going carefully through your query and understand your concerns. I completely understand the bias your daughter has stepped into. While it may be hard to undo you definitely need to see a psychologist. He can help you take a analytical view of the scenario and to find a way out. You need to convince your daughter that you are a friend and not a foe. This might not be easy but is nevertheless possible. For this you might need to put yourself in her shoes and think. This will help to be more convincing and I am certain that in such a scenario your ex would be unable to misguide her.

I think that this analytical view and counselling will also help you boost your confidence and strengthen relationships. Perhaps your psychologist would be able to meet your daughter as well and give her a different perspective of things.

Feel free to write back.

Regards
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Prasad
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Answered by
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Dr. Diptanshu Das

Pediatrician

Practicing since :2005

Answered : 3865 Questions

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My daughter has suddenly rejected me and is being abused

Brief Answer: Family counseling needed. Detailed Answer: Thanks for using the ask a doctor service. I have going carefully through your query and understand your concerns. I completely understand the bias your daughter has stepped into. While it may be hard to undo you definitely need to see a psychologist. He can help you take a analytical view of the scenario and to find a way out. You need to convince your daughter that you are a friend and not a foe. This might not be easy but is nevertheless possible. For this you might need to put yourself in her shoes and think. This will help to be more convincing and I am certain that in such a scenario your ex would be unable to misguide her. I think that this analytical view and counselling will also help you boost your confidence and strengthen relationships. Perhaps your psychologist would be able to meet your daughter as well and give her a different perspective of things. Feel free to write back. Regards