Get your Health question answered in 3 easy steps

128 Doctors Online
Doctor Image
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

I will be looking into your question and guiding you through the process. Please write your question below.

Is it healthy to have sexual fantasies?

Answered by
Dr.
Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa

Sexologist

Practicing since :1983

Answered : 1525 Questions

default
Posted on Tue, 19 Aug 2014 in Sexual Health
Question: Hello sir/madam
I am a 35yo female concerned about my boyfriends sexual fantasies. I wish to discuss so I can determine if to persuade him to seek professional help or whether it would suffice to help him myself or it may be the case that it's quite normal and therefore no help is needed. He has had a couple major spinal injuries resulted in him becoming impotent. This does not concern us much as we have worked out our priorities in life and we have agreed that this would not affect our relationship as I have two children from a former marriage. What concerns me a little is his sexual fantasies that he has had all his life. At the age of 11 he was sexually abused for 3 years by a male relative which he is adamant that he's foregone and gotten well over. When he openly talk about his ordeal his body language indicates that he is no longer affected by it as he is quite comfortable and unemotional when we talk about it. He has had sexual fantasies since he hit puberty which have accompanied him all his life as mental fantasies that he describes as weird but not disturbing. After he became impotent around 4 years ago, his sexual life went downhill as he was not comfortable around his partners until he met me. By that I mean he would lose interest in sex quite quickly (with his past partners) as well as his erections that's if he was able to even get an erection. When he met me, everything had changed. We fell in love and he started to show interest in these long term fantasies in his mind that he never shared with anyone before. I did not and still do not mind it except that I am doubting its long term effect on him and I. His fantasies include and are all mental in nature , with an animal or another person pleasuring me and that turns him on immensely. He likes to discuss these in great detail before sex and that's all that arouses him. He confessed that he has not shared these with anyone else and that the minute I walked into his life, his erections came back to normal. We have been together for 6 months and we have a deep spiritual as well as mental affinity. Sex was the last thing on our list of things to talk about due to the nature of our long distance relationship. Yes we have sex online and we both enjoy it more than we enjoy physical sex. I will summarise the key points that I feel worried about below:
- His sexual fantasies might be unhealthy in nature (mental images of things and people, places ) that must take place prior to sex
- His overwhelming lust for me and only me (adversely affecting our mental health) due to us being separated physically
- His ordeal with sexual abuse. Although he does not admit it, could it have been the reason for these unusual fantasies.
- Do we need to seek professional advice/counselling?






doctor
Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 1 hour later
Brief Answer:
It is perfectly normal

Detailed Answer:
Hello
Thanks for choosing wwwhealthcaremagic
I think it is perfectly fine and there is no need for professional help. Sexual fantasies are weird sometimes but so long as they do not cause distress to the person himself, there is no problem. Regarding impact of sex abuse, it is highly variable. Some can overcome the trauma in a much better way than others due to coping skills . You should be happy that he is lustful for you. otherwise he would not be turned on when you are near him .
Dr Saatiish Jhuntrraa
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
default
Follow up: Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 11 minutes later
Hello again Dr Jhuntrraa
Thanks for your response, it has put my mind at ease. Is it possible that a person , any person, can be lustful for only one person in their lifetime?? He is 36 and he has told me almost daily for the past 6 months that has never or can never be lustful with anyone else, albeit us having a distance relationship currently. All his past experiences were mere failures and uncomfortable somewhat. He has assured me that he has regained proper erectile functions only after he met me.

Thank you doctor and I have no further questions at this point.

doctor
Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 17 minutes later
Brief Answer:
Yes, one can be lustful for some one

Detailed Answer:
Hello
I am glad to know I helped you to relax a bit . As per social norms, one is expected to be lustful for one person at a time, rest you know what I mean. It is fortunate that he has regained full erection after spinal injuries, many others have permanent impotance. so I suggest you to enjoy the moment ,instead of thinking these non thinkables.
Good Luck.
Dr Saatiish Jhuntrraa
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
premium_optimized

The User accepted the expert's answer

Share on
Question is related to
Medical Topics

Recent questions on  Puberty

doctor1 MD

i am a 16 year old
height : 171 cm
weight 52 kg
and i hit puberty a year and a half back. but i have been unable to grow a beard and a mustache. moreover i do not last more than 1 minute while masturbating. could i be suffering from low testosterone?

doctor1 MD

I am a 15 and a half year old boy and I masturbate every now and then. But I can never ejaculate! If I try, I just end up peeing a little bit. Does that mean that I'm sterile or that I'm a late developer? (By the way I am 5 foot 11 so it's not like I havent hit puberty yet....)

doctor1 MD

I am a 21 year old male who thinks his testosterone levels are unbalance I am a virgin who has a very low sex drive, my voice never changed during puberty, have little to no facial hair.Just recently I have been expierencing erection problems not having any at all,mood swings,and severe acne breackouts.

doctor1 MD

Hi, I used to have very thick hair till about 13yrs old. After starting puberty, my periods were irregular and have been using birth control pills on and off. I am 25 yrs old and have been using bcp for the past 1 yr continuously. My blood tests are all normal. I want to know why I have such thin hair...and is it possible to regain my hair thickness?

Age:25 Weight:142lb

doctor1 MD

Can you get a zit in your nipple? Because I did!!! I didn't know you could get one there. It was the size of a marble and when I squeezed it tons of puss came out.. But it was my nipple!!!!!!!!!

doctor1 MD

Symptoms continual sinus drainage , repeated blowing nose, coughing up phlegm , causing irritated throat, heat and pressure behind the eyes, constant dry to weepy eye and with heat behind and excessive mucus . Headaches and nausea. Strain on vocal...

doctor1 MD

I haven’t been getting morning woods since last Sunday, I don’t get random boners anymore, I have to focus so hard for me to get a boner and it barely even lasts, this all happened after last week when I came back from a night of heavy smoking and...