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Is it healthy to have sexual fantasies?

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Answered by
Practicing since : 1983
Answered : 1525 Questions
Hello sir/madam
I am a 35yo female concerned about my boyfriends sexual fantasies. I wish to discuss so I can determine if to persuade him to seek professional help or whether it would suffice to help him myself or it may be the case that it's quite normal and therefore no help is needed. He has had a couple major spinal injuries resulted in him becoming impotent. This does not concern us much as we have worked out our priorities in life and we have agreed that this would not affect our relationship as I have two children from a former marriage. What concerns me a little is his sexual fantasies that he has had all his life. At the age of 11 he was sexually abused for 3 years by a male relative which he is adamant that he's foregone and gotten well over. When he openly talk about his ordeal his body language indicates that he is no longer affected by it as he is quite comfortable and unemotional when we talk about it. He has had sexual fantasies since he hit puberty which have accompanied him all his life as mental fantasies that he describes as weird but not disturbing. After he became impotent around 4 years ago, his sexual life went downhill as he was not comfortable around his partners until he met me. By that I mean he would lose interest in sex quite quickly (with his past partners) as well as his erections that's if he was able to even get an erection. When he met me, everything had changed. We fell in love and he started to show interest in these long term fantasies in his mind that he never shared with anyone before. I did not and still do not mind it except that I am doubting its long term effect on him and I. His fantasies include and are all mental in nature , with an animal or another person pleasuring me and that turns him on immensely. He likes to discuss these in great detail before sex and that's all that arouses him. He confessed that he has not shared these with anyone else and that the minute I walked into his life, his erections came back to normal. We have been together for 6 months and we have a deep spiritual as well as mental affinity. Sex was the last thing on our list of things to talk about due to the nature of our long distance relationship. Yes we have sex online and we both enjoy it more than we enjoy physical sex. I will summarise the key points that I feel worried about below:
- His sexual fantasies might be unhealthy in nature (mental images of things and people, places ) that must take place prior to sex
- His overwhelming lust for me and only me (adversely affecting our mental health) due to us being separated physically
- His ordeal with sexual abuse. Although he does not admit it, could it have been the reason for these unusual fantasies.
- Do we need to seek professional advice/counselling?

Posted Tue, 19 Aug 2014 in Sexual Health
Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 1 hour later
Brief Answer:
It is perfectly normal

Detailed Answer:
Thanks for choosing wwwhealthcaremagic
I think it is perfectly fine and there is no need for professional help. Sexual fantasies are weird sometimes but so long as they do not cause distress to the person himself, there is no problem. Regarding impact of sex abuse, it is highly variable. Some can overcome the trauma in a much better way than others due to coping skills . You should be happy that he is lustful for you. otherwise he would not be turned on when you are near him .
Dr Saatiish Jhuntrraa
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Is it healthy to have sexual fantasies? 11 minutes later
Hello again Dr Jhuntrraa
Thanks for your response, it has put my mind at ease. Is it possible that a person , any person, can be lustful for only one person in their lifetime?? He is 36 and he has told me almost daily for the past 6 months that has never or can never be lustful with anyone else, albeit us having a distance relationship currently. All his past experiences were mere failures and uncomfortable somewhat. He has assured me that he has regained proper erectile functions only after he met me.

Thank you doctor and I have no further questions at this point.

Answered by Dr. Saatiish Jhuntrraa 17 minutes later
Brief Answer:
Yes, one can be lustful for some one

Detailed Answer:
I am glad to know I helped you to relax a bit . As per social norms, one is expected to be lustful for one person at a time, rest you know what I mean. It is fortunate that he has regained full erection after spinal injuries, many others have permanent impotance. so I suggest you to enjoy the moment ,instead of thinking these non thinkables.
Good Luck.
Dr Saatiish Jhuntrraa
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
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