Question: Hi require a sincere advise on the following situations
1.Am i doing the right thing by sending her to day care and if she is getting affected mentally.
2.Also she has become very stubborn and hits us at home and in public places if we dont fulfill her demands.
3.Regarding the food/milk part on getting irritated and shouting and hitting her.

XXXXXXX is managed by a 24 hour maid who knows and speaks English also. And his parents have flexible working hours. XXXXXXX bhai is generally at home as his business is not doing that well. Yes they do play together and also fight. They go to different school and Divina DOB is 16mar2010 and XXXXXXX DOB is 09mar2009. Also since XXXXXXX is naughty and Divina fussy eater so one maid cannot handle both. XXXXXXX use to fall ill pretty often earlier but now he eats properly and also quickly plus my co sister is a Punjabi and we are Gujarati so he has lot of Punjabi genes ( well built and tall for his age)

I also have to suggest you two things:

1. Milk is essential only for growing baby until age 1 year and that too Mothers Milk. Prolonged milk dominant diet can cause malnutrition, constipation, iron and calcium deficiency. We need to come out of milk mania and start offering child the diet we cook at home and in the form she may prefer. You may download a feeding booklet from a link at WWW.WWWW.WW

I personally thought that atleast 1 glass of milk is essential for a child , coz I as a child use to have 3 glasses a day. Even XXXXXXX within 5- 10 mins has his milk – he also has thrice a day.) Also I had a 24 hrs maid , who left mid September , who said she use to drink milk with her , also my mom says , so I feel how come she doesn’t have with us and that is shy I force but she takes 2 hours after lot of crying shouting spanking and then all holidays and weekends get spoilt.

2. Shouting or locking up is not a solution for children. Often they too tend to learn the same from us. So, I won’t wonder if kid shouts back and someday may lock you inside house. If the child's growth is along the growth charts for age, as it appears to be I won’t be serious with it. –

I think the child can eat junk food and also grow along the growth chart so then how does one know if she is eating healthy and growing.


In this case, child needs serious management with diet. By starting rice or ragi based porridge, soups, upma, pappads as an introductory snack and taking off milk over next 3 months.(earlier I used to give her daliya at 4 pm( for almost 2 years) and that also she used to take so long to eat. She may need iron supplements (irritability); may need calcium supplements (fussy). –

we give her kidicare,what are the other options.

Behavioral issues are best settled by repeatedly talking to her in soft voice regarding good manners. Keeping her busy with her curiosity matching issues and silently preventing her from doing unsocial things. They can also be tackled by supervised neglect especially when they are shouting.

What does "supervised neglect"words mean


You may stop all of these: indian ghasara( i.e 2 badams,harde, hardar, jaifal, tulsi ,sitopaladi, jethimadh and himalaya bonisan) at present.

sure , but just a query isn’t tulsi / badam good for health

Now coming to your questions:
1. Am I doing the right thing by sending her to day care and if she is getting affected mentally.
=== currently you have not provided enough information that suggests she is mentally stressed at day care. I may prefer that one of you may take a leave on a day and visit day care 3-4 times just to say hi and see the situation there. Currently you should continue it.

Now the problem with day care is that it is just started by her principal and currently she is the only child, so in the morning first at 9am I drop her to school and then they feed her breakfast ,then her school timings are11.30-1.30, then they feed her lunch and then they get her to the day care place and make her sleep for an hour then try and give her milk and fruit and then she has to be picked up at 6,( if she has more kids then she will keep it open till 7 pm) however my office is at Powai and impossible for me to reach at 6,so basically from 6- 7 she will be with the day care maid.however my observation is that she does not speak to me openly when she is at the day care ,she just says she is ok and nothing more ,also she has stopped eating veg ,she just has roti and jaggery for lunch, and the principal herself said let her be happy then i will force her for food.so I am feeling very guilty beacause even i feel she is unhappy.
2. Also she has become very stubborn and hits us at home and in public places if we don’t fulfill her demands.
== teach her some tricks she should do when she gets angry. Other way is to divert attention suddenly to something else she may like or get stunned when she gets angry. Third trick may be try playing a game she likes or playing a game of not talking or a game of clapping when you feel like shouting... that does the job often.

i have tried diverting the mind and i agree it works, however all the chores with her take really long ,i.e brushing is a 5 minute job but with her takes 45 mins ,first she cries then she hits ,then since I am getting late I force her , this is routine ,similar for medicines. Basically I cant reach on time anywhere as she really takes long for all actions .also dinner sometimes goes on till 10 pm and then late sleeping so again she is cranky in the morning.



3. Regarding the food/milk part on getting irritated and shouting and hitting her.
== as I said introduce other diets initially as medicine. Increase frequency, change tastes. She will prefer uniform consistency at this stage. Have peace.. Tackle your personnel stress and anger too.. Child will be spoilt by shouting rather than not shouting when she does not it. Occasionally stressing her to get ready for school is fine.. But avoid shouting.

i agree i will try and tackle my stress , also should i stop milk completely , is that fine,also she likes junk food like sev ,chakri, biscuit etc ,all the time she wants to eat that , not sure what to do?

1.XXXXXXX even if elder and punjabi and hefty, can play with her, though no compulsion. He looks hefty due to milk related low calcium and high phosphate.
Ans - I meant he eats properly and is a well buitl child. THey do play together but now Divina is started going to day care so they play together in the night

2.Giving milk will reduce other nutrients to body so surely a harm in long run. So stop milk over next 3 months. You may restart it later, After 7 years of age it does not matter how much milk you take. So no milk, no shouting.
Ans- ok ,i was not aware of this , but most parents insist 2 glasses of milk a day for growing children.Also if i stop it then Divina will be more than happy and what if she never has milk later as i know of so many people who dislike milk.

3. kidicare has only vitamins and small quantity minerals... she still may need iron and calcium over and above that if she stays irritable and fussy.
Ans- can u sugest something

4.if growth chart and height weight along the lines... is an indicator of good growth. Continued junk food may cause obesity too. Prepare routine dietary items in junk like foods..like rice flour.. to rice pappads..idli is a good food that may look like junk food.. etc. Chakli good... sev ok.. Avoid biscuits... may add parathas, thalipith etc
Ans - I agree that junk food will cause obesity as my husband is obese and has lot of wrong eating habits and hence I dont want my daughter to be like him.but then i am not at home so it becomes very difficult to monitor what she eats all the time , though i try but when she is with my mom or my brother in law ,she demands and they give.
5. Supervised neglect means, keeping a hidden eye on the child when child shows such tantrums just to check that child accidentally doesn't cause any harm to himself during tantrums.
Ans-ok
6.Tulsi badam etc are good.. but what the kid needs right now is good diet..made from day to day cereals pulses fruits etc
Ans - her daily diet is 10a.m breakfast- poha- sheera - sandwich then meal at 1pm three small rotis ,sabji little ,jaggery , then little or no milk and then XXXXXXX then straight dinner again roti sabji or rice etc, but all this is only if she is in the mood to eat. there are days when she doesnt eat anything especially when i am at home on weekends so i get all the more paranoid.pls sugest some other healthy breakfast options.
7.I feel no stress at school with given info. She may not talk in strange places.. You may ask her recall events at daycare when at home.
AnsShe doesnt talk much is what the teacher's feedback is since 1 year, but at home she talks.but initially when i use to call her when she was with the maid ,she would talk to me but when she is in the day care she doesnt talk with me.
8. your stress needs to be tackled, as I feel your diet too may not be balanced why don’t you start some nutritional supplements for yourselves.. like say tab. nutriright-w .. You may have great capacity to tackle stress in 10-15 days.
Ans- THis tablet (nutriright-w) is available at any chemist shop is it?? and it helps reduce stress?

Now the problem is I have found a new 24hrs maid ,so should i keep Divina with her in the house or continue the day care.Also in a day i get stressed when at 6 pm there is nobody to pick divina etc and feel whats the point working and earning if my daughter has to live like a vagabond and also the mornings are very stressful as she does nto want to do things and we want to leave for work and it gets very disturbing,
Thanks

It's too early to suggest maid good or day care. What you need is to assess the same - if you feel the day care is not any extra than a maid… maid may be a better option for this time. However you may need to train her taking a day or two off.
Ans - We had to pay for the day care atleast for a month after 3 days of trial,hence as of now she is in the day care ,and slowly getting her acquainted to the new maid as not sure how long will this new maid also remain.as i feel it affects the child mentally if the maid keeps chaging again and again.Also at the day care they say they are makin her do some activity like reading ,coloring,story telling.But personally i feel she is wanting to be at home

If she never drinks animal milk in her life... no problem - it's not required for life.
You may get calcium syrup like say calcimax 5 ml once a day and to add iron after a month. The tablet I mentioned is available from uth Pharma Company… You may ask your nearby medical store to arrange it. It is not a stress reliever but it tackles various deficiencies which may be making you feel irritated and stressed.
Ans - ok will not force her for milk.have just started homeopathy medicine where she is sayin she will give calcium etc in her composition so will see for sometime otherwise then start calcimax

Foods you may try for divina may be up; sheera; idli; dosa; khichri; porridge; etc.
ANs - What is porridge exactly and how do you prepare in case of vegetarain , i know of porridge made of oats,boiled milk and sugar, any other option. yday i gave her choco flakes and milk but she just didnt have.

I don't think you need to resign from job… but u may take short leaves.-ok- but sometime my guilt becomes too much.

Hope this suffices. Get back if any further queries.