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Husband has prostate cancer and bladder cancer. No erection or interest in sex. What are my options now?

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Pediatrician, Infectious Diseases
Practicing since : 2005
Answered : 1528 Questions
My husband has had prostrate cancer and blander cancer and has no eriction at all or interest in sex. Before this we enjoyed sex. We have been married for 54 years. My husband 78 and I am 74. I miss having sex. What are my options now? A doctor said I could masterpate or use a high end sex toy.
Posted Mon, 7 May 2012 in Women Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Hema Yadav 7 hours later
Hello ,
Thanks for posting your query.

I understand your concern and would like to answer your query to the best of my ability.

Its natural for a spouse to want sex, even if the partner due to any reason does not wish the same or is incapable of performance. Sex is a natural human desire and should not be curbed unless inappropriate.

1. Since your husband doesn't desire sex, treating him for erections or forcing him to perform would not be advisable. If the lack of desire is only due to medical problems and not emotional or personal choice, consulting a sex therapist might help. In any case, care should be taken to avoid any stress on both of you and your long lasting relation.
2. You should relieve your desire by masturbation which is self stimulation to achieve orgasm, either by hands, sex toys or a willing partner or spouse. Masturbation is harmless and relieves any sexual tension. Though your partner has problems with erection, if he is interested mutual masturbation may be tried to maintain the intimacy of your marital relation.
3. You may together with your husband consult a sex therapist or counsellor to open up uncommunicated issues regarding sex in an appropriate environment and receive personal sound medical advise.
4. Alternative is to consult your family physician who might refer you to a known counsellor or therapist in your vicinity if he feels the need.

Hope I have answered your query. Please accept my answer in case you have no follow up queries.


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