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How To Overcome Depression?
Question: h how are you doing?
I'm 30 years old and suffer from depression. My parents are my problem I believe cause my sister 's my only sibling also has problems with my parents. not as much as I do but she does. do you agree with me or not? I'm not sure why her problems with my parents are less than mine though. Maybe because she's younger than me. I'm not sure. but she's an adult. she's 29 years old so she understands everything well, and I'm 30. how can I overcome my problems with my parents? thanks
Brief Answer:
Depression and distress. Are they same?
Detailed Answer:
Dear
I understand your concerns. I suggest you not to worry much. I am very glad to know you. You are really courageous. Your medical history could be disheartening to almost every and here you are, just taking everything in a positive way. Except what you are querying here. I am really happy to meet a courageous and esteemed customer here.
I am unsure if you enquired about genetic role of depression or whether your parents attitude and behaviour lead to depression. If it is the later, you did not mention much about your parents. I shall need more information about them. How they treat you, what are they doing, other family history etc etc. Please as many information as possible in the follow up. Also mention about your education, career, job related attitudes, sleep pattern, etc.
But if your query was about genetic transmission of depression from parents, then yes that is possible. A depressed parent in some cases can transmit the condition to their offspring.
I am not sure about your medical condition. Mention that also. Omega 3 capsules and multivitamin tabs ok. What about depression and heart failure? Thyrodities? Creatinine level? Treatment? Please include all these.
I think you are undermining your parents due to the depressive state in which you are now. Depression is not a mental disease, where as it is mental disorder. Disorders occurs often to almost everyone. Life, responsibilities, duties, experience all these come hany to overcome the disorders. Disorders become chronic when we under estimate them and when we loose will power. Depression is also one such condition. You can overcome that with certain simple techniques of psychotherapy.
You also must understand the difference between depression and simple distress. Hopefully you are not at all depressed. I need to know lot more about you to come to a proper conclusion and to give you a treatment process. Please include what ever you can in your follow up.
Hope this answers your query partially. Available for further clarifications.
Good luck.
Dr. K V Anand
MSc, MS, PhD
WWW.WWWW.WW
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
hi thanks for your response.
well how my parents treat me? when I was younger they used to beat me up if I for example didn't do my homework. this was back in my home country which is Iran and there're no rules against beating your children over there. they stopped when we moved to Canada. the other night I was watching a tv show and an Iranian psychologist was on and a mother called him regarding her newborn and told him that he sucks his thumb a lot and asked for his advice on how to stop this and he told her that when a baby sucks their thumb it means that he/she is hungry. he told her to feed him more milk till he stops sucking his thumb. my mom has always said that as a child I had this problem a lot and according to her it was more than other kids. according to her even during a sonogram exam (while she was pregnant on me) they saw me sucking on my thumb. according to her I was hungry and when I was born my pediatrician prescribed a bitter medication for her to rub on my thumb so that I stop sucking on it. it worked at the time, it made me stop sucking on my thumb but I don't think that was a good solution to this. few years later I started picking my, nose then my fingers and then biting my left hand. I went to few psychiatrists to get help but they couldn't help me and the meds they put me on worsened this problem. infact I started biting my left hand as a result of taking the combination of Effexor, remeron, and concerta. and am very scared of seeing another psychiatrist. not only because of this but also because they were rude to me at times, one of them even called me "crazy" at some point in an indirect way which I don't think I am. I'm just a person with depression but I'm not crazy. I don't believe that I deserve to be called crazy. what kind of psychiatrist would call their patient crazy? I don't think that he was trying to help me when he called me that. I think he was just being rude and arrogant. You say that you think that I'm undermining my parents, why would I undermine my parents? they're my parents and I love them but at the sametime I believe that at times they expect too much of me. As I said earlier even sister who's my only sibling also has problems with them, not as much as me but as I said earlier this could be because she's younger than me. We're 15 months apart, she's 29 and I'm 30. Sometimes my mom back stabs my sister, like yesterday she was telling that she's an unlucky mother because of me and my sister while my sister wasn't around. I'm sure if I tell this to my sister she'll be very upset. As I said I don't think I'm undermining them, I love them to death. why would I undermine them? but I do believe that they expect too much of me and my sister. and no we don't have a family history of depression, infact I'm probably the most depressed one in among our relatives which I think might have been caused by the way I was brought up by my parents and the way I was treated by my doctors. right now I'm taking no medication for my depression, nothing for my thyroid cause it's functioning fine right now, and nothing for my heart cause it's ok right now. my heart failure was about 3 years ago. its gone now. I still fill palpitations at times but it's a healthy heart according to my family doctor. I'm not taking any medication other than the ones I've listed here in my medical profile at the moment.
Brief Answer:
IDLE MIND IS DEVIL'S WORKSHOP
Detailed Answer:
Dear
Thanks for the follow up query.
Iam very happy to speak to you again.
I told you earlier that you are courageous. You have the might in you and that is why you are still good. Self confidence comes when we have experience. Experience teaches us so many things and lessons and we use them for future. Past experiences (whether positive or negative) taught us lessons to learn. Even negative experiences teach us positive lessons. So there is nothing called negative incidents because they you teach you positive lessons. All negatives are in our thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts. Leave them like that. Do not bring them to reality. For example we can always doubt that our boss at our work location is harassing you, but if you take this forward, you might loose your job. To think and doubt is human. But you do not think deeply and act as if to loose a privilege until there is enough other positives. Hope I am clear.
In your childhood, parents beat you when you did not do your homework etc. Fine. I m not telling that they are right, but they are also not wrong. Certain things are better to be done because they are supposed to help you in your future. Teachers punish you for the same thing in other ways. Why are you not depressed about that and carry that depression till now?
Sucking thumb is because the child is hungry. Right. But if you ask for food every now an then what will be the condition ? Sucking starts when the child is hungry and then it becomes a habit. Habit don't see occasions. That is why the doctor prescribed some bitter medication. That step is correct one and is followed by almost all physicians across the world to stop thumb sucking.
Nose pricking, hand biting, thumb sucking all these are childhood habits. You went to a psychiatrist (why?). He called you crazy. Because you were a child and you were supposed not to have that habits. If he called you crazy, I would suggest you to have the maturity now to take those things positively. I hope you have got over the habit now. If yes, I would suggest you to ignore that event; you don't need to see that doctor any more.
Parents always expect too much from you because they want you to be in a good position when they will not be available. That is why you are still loving them. In my opinion, if they harass you, if they make you depressed, you cannot love them. We are talking about a 30 year period. You still love them because they are lovable. Like every parents, they are also a bit more expecting from you.
Current palpitations could be due to anxiety.
Now come to the point. As I said earlier, past occurrences teach you positive lessons and we have to acknowledge you. I am not yet clear about your profession. But I am sure that you have enough time to think about all that happened in the past an blame every other one except you. There is a saying "IDLE MIND IS DEVIL'S WORKSHOP". Secondly, circumstances do try to make you corrupt, do try to disturb you. It happens always. But "T IS ALWAYS YOU, WHO HAS TO TAKE DECISIONS WHETHER TO GET DISTURBED OR NOT". Hope I am clear.
You are not depressed. You seem to be distressed. You are not satisfied with what is happening now. You seem to be dissatisfied. Fine. We learn to overcome dissatisfaction to go forward in life with determination from our past experiences. Stop blaming your parents, past, circumstances etc. If there is anything wrong, it is supposed to be with you. Please know it. Once known, don't sit idle, correct it. I shall help you.
For now, I want to know about your education, profession etc. Come with another follow up question and explain that. Please.
Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications.
Goo luck.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
why if there's wrong with me it's supposed to be with me? what did I do that i deserve all this? i was depressed or stressed out from the moment i was born. according to my mom i moved very little in her stomach while she was pregnant on me to the point that at times she thought that i was dead and she would go to her gynaecologist and he would examine her only to find that i was alive but just not moving much and as i said during a sonogram exam of me they saw me sucking on my thumb so i was hungry even when my mom was pregnant on me. she probably didn't eat right while she was pregnant on me otherwise why was i hungry? i know that at some point she overdosed her on her iron pills and took 4 times as much as her gyanaecologist had recommended her to do so and once he found out he told her not to take anymore iron for the rest of her pregnancy. i don't know if that has contributed to this ( me being depressed and not active as much other people my age). when i was in kindergarden i was the quietest one in the class to the point that other kids would bother me like pulling my hair and our principal would take me to her office and keep me there fearing that other kids might hurt me. according to her she separated me from them for the fear that they might hurt me. please let me know why you say that if there's anything wrong with me it's supposed to be with me? what did i do that i deserve all this?
thanks
Brief Answer:
Forget Past, Live today, Happlily
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXX
Thanks for the follow up
You are misunderstanding me, the facts and yourself. That is what I meant when I said that the reason for your depressed attitude is only you. Try to understand. Again reminding, you are not depressed, but dissatisfied.
Nobody comes to the world with curse. You might have a lot to complain about past, mother, father, doctor, teacher etc etc. What is the use of thinking about it and being inactive now? It can never do any good, but does a lot of bad to your current day. FORGET PAST, BE HOPEFUL ABOUT TOMORROW, LIVE HAPPILY TODAY. You cannot change past thenn why lament.
Go through my last reply again and again. You need to understan it properly. I never intend to irritate you or point my finger at you. I wanted to motivate you.
Don't you want to live your life?
Life brings a lot of insecurities. If you as question 'why only to me'?, nobody can answer. Infact everybody in this world are suffering one way or other.
There is no use thinking about 'who did what to you in past'. Correct your present, live well happily in your present, be hopeful about tomorrow.
Engage in your profession. Mingle with your friends, enjoy life.Marry and live happily with your wife and children.
God bless you of which I am sure.
Dr. K V Anand
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
the only reason I complain about my parents is because they complain about me a lot. I wouldn't complain about my parents if they don't complain about me. I live with my parents and I hear them complaining about me almost everyday. they like to blame the whole thing on me (my depression). they do the same to my sister and she's upset. and I didn't mean to complain about my previous doctors. i just wanted to let you know that I've tried psychiatrists for my depression and it didn't help and seeing them just worsened my depression. i think you misunderstood me, i didn't want to complain about them i just wanted to let you know that I've tried seeing them and it didn't work. it's very hard to talk like this.
Brief Answer:
I can assure you, you can live a better life
Detailed Answer:
Dear
Yes. Now you are clear. This is the attitude I wanted to see in you. And this attitude is going to help you in combating your problem also.
I repeat. I doubt you have depression. You are just imagining your illness. You are yet to tell me what is your profession. Idle mind is devil's workshop.
I am not justifying your parents. They are what they are. You cannot change them. But you can change. We always change according to the circumstances. We are living because of that. That is the reason I told, don't waste your life complaining about your parents or doctors. Do what you are supposed to, forget about obstacles.
Obstacles are real and not fictitious. They always come in your life. Either in the form of your parents, doctors or in any form. We should not worry about the obstacles. We should overcome with our might and positive thinking.
Every person does that, otherwise, nobody can live happily in this earth.
My sincere advice is - Forget about past, parents, doctor, or what ever happened to you negatively. They gave you a lot of positive lessons about life. Enjoy the lessons,. nourish it. Live life happily on the base of those lessons.
Being a psychotherapist and with a 15 years experience, I had a patient base of almost 1000+ anxiety disorder / depression cases and I know what I am dealing with. Follow my advice and I can assure you, you can live a better life.
Dr. K V Anand
WWW.WWWW.WW
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Yogesh D
You want to know what my profession is? I'm currently unemployed and am on disability income due to having major depression. It's very hard to communicate like this, whomever I talk about my problems gives a lot of credit for who I am today after I tell them what I've gone through. I think you misunderstood me because communication like this it's very hard. live communication is much easier and it doesn't have to be in person. you said I can contact you through customer service through this site. how can I do that? just leave you a message with including my number with them so that you call me?
thanks
bye
you know what I rather close this conversation here. I believe I've enough support here in Toronto from people around me to be able to solve my problems. I don't really believe in psychology or psychiatry anyways. My next door neighbor is a psychologist like you and when I asked her how much she charges per session she told me that she doesn't do neighbors just because we're neighbors. This tells me that she isn't confident in her work and I've been through 4 psychiatrists and I don't think that they've been trained well in their field. Psychiatrists and psychologists are the only doctors that I'm afraid of. I think its best for people to stay away from psychologists and psychiatrists. It's very hard to find a good psychologist and psychiatrist. I'm sorry to say this but I don't think that you guys have been trained well. And if I ever have to see a psychologist or psychiatrist again I rather see one in person cause its better that way. As I said I rather close this conversation here, cause I believe that now I have enough support from people around me to be able to solve my problems. I didn't have this support before. now people are getting to know me better.
Brief Answer:
May god bless you with all success in life
Detailed Answer:
Dear
Thank you very much. Your thoughts might be true according to your experiences. And that is whaat makes every person confident about their life. I can see how your experiences changedd your life. May be, it is god's wish that you disbelieve psychologists and psychiatrists. Thank you for speaking to me. I am definitely sure that I got some more lessons from you and I could learn some more positive things from you. Now you are also my teacher. Thank you again for being my teacher and mentor.
May god bless with all success in life.
Dr. K V Anand
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
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