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How to overcome anxiety and insecurity in initiating conversations for courtship?

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Posted on Sat, 28 May 2016
Question: Well we will pick up from the last thread to clear up spouses
Presently I am married to a woman who is from and lives in Nebraska. I will be divorcing her and moving back to SD.

My previous wife lives in SD and I have a wonderful relationship with her. Strangely enough after she divorced me she is eagerly awaiting my return. She sent me a message with my granddaughter telling me that they BOTH were making cookies with lots of love for papa.

Well I had a bit of a panic yesterday. I also sent the full pft to DR Bhavsar so he could fully analyze it for any questions that I might ask He got back to me with a comment on the normal pft but the radiologists report concerned him. First it turns out that he was at the end of a long day and did not see what was exactly written. He saw Mild pulmonary HYPERTENSION and was suggesting I best get an ekg and a few other tests to verify. I texted him back and he apologized for his error. I never told him my anxiety jumped till I figured out his misread

In a conversation with him we talked of tightness in chest and asthma and he said asthma would not be just keeping upper chest from inflammation but whole lung. So he asked a couple questions regarding coughing, chest pain or mucus. Well it's no to all but chest tightness but no pain. He concluded that said no copd or asthma but more than likely anxiety symptoms so if I breath but my chest does not expand and fill as it once did and my belly breathes would you agree.
If I am exerting and my chest try's to expand but stops is that anxiety factors.
When my chest doesn't expand fully the belly takes over but can only go out so far. And feels pushed on I had an upper gi done a few years back and all was fine except they said there was some gerd. So is my stomach or something keeping the diaphragm from moving down when inhaling. I am not obese, far from it but since stress has many changes to the body would the slowing of my digestion causing a fullness to push on diaphragm.

Rational mind is trying to uncover possibilities leaving copd lung damage asthma out.

Oh. What hormones does the body release in a panic and anxiety attack and if it's rare attack it would take how long to leave body
If it's prolonged as in my case would take how much longer. Considering it gets in control.

One of you Drs responded to my question regarding allowing stress to go so long that the results not only gave sensation to and tightened the chest but also the anxiety levels were so high that when talking in conversations you could become sob.

So this is a thread in itself. My main concern in here is to understand what is actual chest tightness when exerting self. And why when I belly breathe the expansion is so much then feels as if diaphragm is pressed against.
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Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (33 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Private Consultation

Detailed Answer:
I think in this thread, rather than concentrate on the breathing issues (I answered this in a separate thread identical to this one), let's talk about your feelings about your current divorce.

How do you think the divorce is contributing to your anxiety? What are your worries and concerns about it? What are your anxieties or concerns about romantic relationships with women, current and future? I think romantic relationships can certainly contribute to anxiety and worry, and we should explore how that operates in your case.

Dr. Sheppe
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T
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Follow up: Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (31 minutes later)
Ai may have to ponder it for a few days. I have decided that it will not be pleasant but not to worry about it until I land a job that then gives the OK to move forward. I think it's more stressful to desire or want the move but not being successful in the job search.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (18 hours later)
Brief Answer:
Private Followup

Detailed Answer:
I have no doubt the job search is indeed stressful. We can talk about that, or your relationships, or anything you like. I'll give you some time to think about it!

Dr. Sheppe
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Arnab Banerjee
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Follow up: Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (5 hours later)
I will try this for the third time today. I am in my 3 rd marriage. The first two both wives divorced me. This time I am in that seat. I am not one to want to hurt someone so yes it bothers me to an extent. I have started making compensatory plans so not to leave with great issues behind. We have no debt incurred jointly. I figure the hardest part will be the initial confrontation. Once I am gone it will change and relax abundantly
doctor
Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (20 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Private Followup

Detailed Answer:
Have I upset you? You mention the phrase third time today -- that makes me think I've accidentally hit a nerve. If that is so, it wasn't my intention. I'm simply trying to get you to open up more about the specifics of how specific problems in your relationships may be contributing to your anxiety. If you'd like to focus on a different topic instead, of course we can do that.

Let me know if you'd like to talk about romantic relationships, or if not suggest a different topic and we can talk about that. Again, I'm sorry if I've upset you in any way.

Dr. Sheppe
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T
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Follow up: Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (25 minutes later)
No you did not hit a nerve, I typed it out and set the iPad to the side for a brief moment and came back and it was gone. So I started it over while riding in the car and hit send and for some reason it never sent so I had to type it a third time. By the time it went through it was much more condensed than the first or second.

Oh and on the way home I started to get a small third degree investigation of our relationship or lack of. Ha ha.

After I mentioned the prior marriages to you, I recalled a issue my first wife said she once went through as a teen. I looked it up just before your message arrived. I was looking at carbuncles. Oh gross me out. She had one on her knee. It left an indentation after it was lanced
doctor
Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (23 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Private Followup

Detailed Answer:
Okay good, I'm glad I wasn't hitting a nerve!

Tell me about the third degree you got -- anything combative come up? How did it make you feel to get questioned like that? Any anxiety?

Carbuncles are not the most pleasant things. Not my favorite things to deal with in medical school, I can assure you.

Since these conversations have been short, you can sneak in another question to this thread if you want to before closing it and opening a new one.

Dr. Sheppe
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T
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Follow up: Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (9 minutes later)
No real anxiety just annoying to hear the repeated whining in regards to her complaints about her ex and why I don't say anything. I should just say " well I've answered this before and this is just another rerun" but I'm not that rude
doctor
Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (12 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Private Followup

Detailed Answer:
I'm sure it was annoying. You're right not to engage -- her problems with her ex are not your problems. I'm sure you listened relatively patiently and avoided any conflict that might arise from any suspected rudeness. A wise move.

Go ahead and rate/close this thread. We'll talk more in the next one.

Dr. Sheppe

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Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T
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Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe

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How to overcome anxiety and insecurity in initiating conversations for courtship?

Brief Answer: Private Consultation Detailed Answer: I think in this thread, rather than concentrate on the breathing issues (I answered this in a separate thread identical to this one), let's talk about your feelings about your current divorce. How do you think the divorce is contributing to your anxiety? What are your worries and concerns about it? What are your anxieties or concerns about romantic relationships with women, current and future? I think romantic relationships can certainly contribute to anxiety and worry, and we should explore how that operates in your case. Dr. Sheppe