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How To Manage Aggressive And Abusive Behavior Of Spouse?
Question: Hi,
I would like to talk to a psychiatrist. I am ending my marriage. My husband wanted to reconcile but I am going through with the divorce. I learned he was stealing checks from his work and he almost went to prison but he has probation for five years, he paid them back with a loan from his friends over three hundred thousand dollars he washed. I was shocked to learn he did this he is very successful with out doing such a thing, then he cheated with a prostitute for two years behind my back. I have been trying to get a divorce from him since seven months ago, he wont sign the papers and is holding us up in court. My husband has been begging me to come back. In our relationship he would have violent fits if he did not get his way, while he was cheating on me I remember our sex in bed changed.( i did not know he was cheating then) I kept saying your biting me and it hurts and he would pretend he did not bite me.s I also learned he likes a little violence in sex with the prostitute. I wanted to reconcile for my family but I decided not to. he always paid for everything and was very generous with money I stayed home and took care of our special needs son, but he wouldnt pick up keys if mine fell on the floor for me, and we have a son and he is very good with him , so there is the good and the ugly in him. I also loved his personality when he was being very well behaved. funny and happy go lucky and very child like. I am in shock that even though we have no sexual relationship since seven months ago recently he touched me sexually and pretended not to while I was holding his puppy. please explain why he would do this? is it because he thinks I am still his wife and its ok? is that a predators mind and impulse to touch in a way that would be to gradual to really know if it was on purpose? I told him I wont get back together lets be friends. I learned today he is back with the women he paid for sex , he is trying again to make that relationship work because I would not stay married to him and he felt he has needs so he ran back to her. I am concerned he has some personality disorder , with a sexual addiction? any input on what you think is wrong with him and how to handle him if he ever makes things easy and we do get the divorce would be great. I also want to know why would he want his wife back? if the women he paid for with sex wants a relationship with him again , why not just get the divorce he has someone else I so confused by his behavior he makes my head spin with his oddness. thank you - XXXXXXX
I would like to talk to a psychiatrist. I am ending my marriage. My husband wanted to reconcile but I am going through with the divorce. I learned he was stealing checks from his work and he almost went to prison but he has probation for five years, he paid them back with a loan from his friends over three hundred thousand dollars he washed. I was shocked to learn he did this he is very successful with out doing such a thing, then he cheated with a prostitute for two years behind my back. I have been trying to get a divorce from him since seven months ago, he wont sign the papers and is holding us up in court. My husband has been begging me to come back. In our relationship he would have violent fits if he did not get his way, while he was cheating on me I remember our sex in bed changed.( i did not know he was cheating then) I kept saying your biting me and it hurts and he would pretend he did not bite me.s I also learned he likes a little violence in sex with the prostitute. I wanted to reconcile for my family but I decided not to. he always paid for everything and was very generous with money I stayed home and took care of our special needs son, but he wouldnt pick up keys if mine fell on the floor for me, and we have a son and he is very good with him , so there is the good and the ugly in him. I also loved his personality when he was being very well behaved. funny and happy go lucky and very child like. I am in shock that even though we have no sexual relationship since seven months ago recently he touched me sexually and pretended not to while I was holding his puppy. please explain why he would do this? is it because he thinks I am still his wife and its ok? is that a predators mind and impulse to touch in a way that would be to gradual to really know if it was on purpose? I told him I wont get back together lets be friends. I learned today he is back with the women he paid for sex , he is trying again to make that relationship work because I would not stay married to him and he felt he has needs so he ran back to her. I am concerned he has some personality disorder , with a sexual addiction? any input on what you think is wrong with him and how to handle him if he ever makes things easy and we do get the divorce would be great. I also want to know why would he want his wife back? if the women he paid for with sex wants a relationship with him again , why not just get the divorce he has someone else I so confused by his behavior he makes my head spin with his oddness. thank you - XXXXXXX
Brief Answer:
He doesn't fit into a specific personality disorder.
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for asking from HCM for your health related queries
I have gone through the details you have mention and can understand your concern to some extent. It seems that he has some personality issues though he doesn't fit exactly to one personality disorder. He was cheating on you and at the same time he wanted you to reconcile. He was abusive during sexual intercourse and even he tried to touch you sexually. He was going to a prostitute and even in current emotionally stressful period he has started to go to prostitute again. This all proves that his sexual needs are more than usual as compared to normal persons.
He tried to touch you sexually due to his over sexual demandingness most probably. He has personality issues but the history doesn't clearly label him to be suffering from a personality disorder. Second possible reason for his behaviour could be different. He touched you sexually as he was trying to reconcile and he might have thought that by doing sexual session with you he might try to make you think about reconciliation. Though I can't say this with certainty. His emotional needs to remain in married life are most likely compelling him to try to avoid divorce but at the same time his over sexual nature is resulting in abnormal behaviour and he has started to go to prostitute again.
Thanks, Hope this helps you. Please don't hesitate to ask again for more doubts.
Take care
He doesn't fit into a specific personality disorder.
Detailed Answer:
Hello thanks for asking from HCM for your health related queries
I have gone through the details you have mention and can understand your concern to some extent. It seems that he has some personality issues though he doesn't fit exactly to one personality disorder. He was cheating on you and at the same time he wanted you to reconcile. He was abusive during sexual intercourse and even he tried to touch you sexually. He was going to a prostitute and even in current emotionally stressful period he has started to go to prostitute again. This all proves that his sexual needs are more than usual as compared to normal persons.
He tried to touch you sexually due to his over sexual demandingness most probably. He has personality issues but the history doesn't clearly label him to be suffering from a personality disorder. Second possible reason for his behaviour could be different. He touched you sexually as he was trying to reconcile and he might have thought that by doing sexual session with you he might try to make you think about reconciliation. Though I can't say this with certainty. His emotional needs to remain in married life are most likely compelling him to try to avoid divorce but at the same time his over sexual nature is resulting in abnormal behaviour and he has started to go to prostitute again.
Thanks, Hope this helps you. Please don't hesitate to ask again for more doubts.
Take care
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Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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