question-icon

How to handle stressful family situations?

default
Posted on Fri, 8 Jul 2016
Question: Hello,
I actually explained some of this before. I'm not sure what's up with my family. Can you help work it out with me?
For example, my mother has some strong issues. But, I'm not thinking my grandmother might have caused a lot of problems, too.
I've never been that close with my grandmother, but I'll try to put the personality issues I feel below:

My mother:
Struggles to get on with people
Takes offence easily over nothing
Finds it hard to let things drop

Grandmother:
- Has done selfish things (she went on holiday with her son's ex wife with him not wanting it, my mother also didn't want her to go with the ex-wife because she has contributed to spoiling a birthday)
- I've noticed she probably also has the ability to ignore people over slight things
- She doesn't like my other nan, when ever I mention her she goes quiet looks away and is awkward (shouldn't she be happy I'm getting on with her?)
- Hasn't seen my mom in 10 years, neither got on after the ex-wife issue.

Furthermore, my the son of the grandmother died recently due to alcohol addiction and smoking. The grandmother and this ex-wife got heavily involved, and while my mother hadn't seen the brother for 7-10 years, they got mad when she went to see him on his last 2 weeks on earth (she asked if he would want to see her). THEN, the grandmother put a RIP message in the paper, and missed my mother off (and me, not so bothered).

It goes far deeper. But please help advise. It's getting me angry.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (2 days later)
Brief Answer:
Followup

Detailed Answer:
You are describing a lot of personality issues in your family. There's no way to fix this, unfortunately. However, by engaging in psychotherapy yourself, you might be able to better adapt to the stressors your family pose to you. I still don't quite see a specific question I can answer here. I can say you would likely benefit from psychotherapy. Over many months and years you can get a better grip on how to manage your family. This is a long slow process that can't be solved with one answer. If you'd like to ask me a question at my direct private link below, we can begin the process of long-term therapy together.

Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.

In the future, for continuity of care, I encourage you to contact me directly at my private link below. After you ask a direct question, it would be my pleasure to be your dedicated personal physician on this website. My name is Dr. Sheppe, and I am an XXXXXXX doctor working in New York City at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, ranked #1 for Psychiatry in the United States (tinyurl.com/psyrank). For a personalized comprehensive evaluation, treatment recommendations, and individual therapy, ask me at HealthCareMagic at this private link: tinyurl.com/DrSheppeAnswers


Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T
doctor
default
Follow up: Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (45 hours later)
I feel as if I understand the personality issues it might help me. My mother certainly cannot get on with anyone. And the slightest possible mention of a flaw and she can start off "What did you just say" and cant drop something small .Then you feel as though you have to reexplain yourself multiple times. She is causing me issues. My other nan, for example, she didn't say thanks for something, so she got angry saying she didn't want to see her and my dad shouldn't either. Over something slight.
Now with this present sitation, i've tried to take her side, but that is not enough. She then starts being funny with me. She cannot get on with people, because when something happens to her distate, she blanks them or is totally irrational.
I've tried to understand her feelings, but at the end of they day, she is never to blame, always someone else. "Everyone is out to get me" I've heard this before. Neighbours have been an issue in the past over slight things. A neighbour who didn't send a card 'MUST' have done it on purpose or to make a point.
My family say that my mother is hard work and they couldn't have any more of it. So, what can I do? What is wrong with my mother to not allow things to go here? I don't want to adobt this attitude. I've grown up seeing this type of thing, where she would be irrational with me. "I would be sent to boarding school if I didn't behave, yet I was just being a typical child, and naughty was used for the slightest of things, like making a tiny bit of mess."
The problem is, my I am close to the family she has fallen out with, and I want to see them (her sister) on a regular basis, weekly.
I'm quite introverted, due to my upbringing, so it's a way to escape from home at times when I'm not with my main friend or working. Since the funeral, my mother thinks I should maybe move out.
So, does my mother have something like paranoid personality disorder on top of the OCD, or narcissism or something? Please talk it through with me.
Thanks
doctor
Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (10 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Followup

Detailed Answer:
I'm definitely hearing the many problems you face with your mother. Unfortunately, it is not possible to diagnose a personality disorder based on another person's account of someone's behavior -- I would have to examine your mother and ask her many questions over a period of several hours to even begin to make a personality disorder diagnosis. I can say that it is clear her behavior is putting you in a tough position. No matter what she has, there is nothing you can do to change her -- the only thing you can do is manage your own emotions and reactions. This is why I suggest you see a therapist. This will help you best in the long run.

Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.

In the future, for continuity of care, I encourage you to contact me directly at my private link below. After you ask a direct question, it would be my pleasure to be your dedicated personal physician on this website. My name is Dr. Sheppe, and I am an XXXXXXX doctor working in New York City at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, ranked #1 for Psychiatry in the United States (tinyurl.com/psyrank). For a personalized comprehensive evaluation, treatment recommendations, and individual therapy, ask me at HealthCareMagic at this private link: tinyurl.com/DrSheppeAnswers
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T
doctor
default
Follow up: Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (2 hours later)
Thanks from your reply. From what I believe, my mother has seen multiple psychiatrists, not sure how many, but i think if she heard something she didn't want to hear then she complained and moved to another psychiatrist. I wasn't invited to go so I have no clue other than what I've heard. One psychiatrist diagnosed her with OCD, but surely it goes deeper than this. Do you get an idea what it could be? I think it might be paranoid personality disorder. I think you ruled out narcissism before, or it might have been someone else.
I'd welcome online therapy, not sure of the cost, how it worked and the outcome. Let me know. I have many of my own issues, but that's not something I want to confuse with this issue.
Thanks!
doctor
Answered by Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe (33 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Followup

Detailed Answer:
Again, it is not possible to assess or rule out any personality disorder based on someone else's account. I would have to talk with your mother for several hours to begin to consider a personality disorder diagnosis. Any psychiatrist who tells you otherwise is not adhering to strict and proper diagnostic standards.

Online therapy is done by asking me a question at my direct private link, which I paste below. The cost is $35 per month for unlimited questions to me directly. We go through a topic on each question thread, which consists of a question and 4 followup responses. It works very well!

Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.

In the future, for continuity of care, I encourage you to contact me directly at my private link below. After you ask a direct question, it would be my pleasure to be your dedicated personal physician on this website. My name is Dr. Sheppe, and I am an XXXXXXX doctor working in New York City at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, ranked #1 for Psychiatry in the United States (tinyurl.com/psyrank). For a personalized comprehensive evaluation, treatment recommendations, and individual therapy, ask me at HealthCareMagic at this private link: tinyurl.com/DrSheppeAnswers
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Raju A.T
doctor
Answered by
Dr.
Dr. Alexander H. Sheppe

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2014

Answered : 2238 Questions

premium_optimized

The User accepted the expert's answer

Share on
How to handle stressful family situations?

Brief Answer: Followup Detailed Answer: You are describing a lot of personality issues in your family. There's no way to fix this, unfortunately. However, by engaging in psychotherapy yourself, you might be able to better adapt to the stressors your family pose to you. I still don't quite see a specific question I can answer here. I can say you would likely benefit from psychotherapy. Over many months and years you can get a better grip on how to manage your family. This is a long slow process that can't be solved with one answer. If you'd like to ask me a question at my direct private link below, we can begin the process of long-term therapy together. Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied. In the future, for continuity of care, I encourage you to contact me directly at my private link below. After you ask a direct question, it would be my pleasure to be your dedicated personal physician on this website. My name is Dr. Sheppe, and I am an XXXXXXX doctor working in New York City at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, ranked #1 for Psychiatry in the United States (tinyurl.com/psyrank). For a personalized comprehensive evaluation, treatment recommendations, and individual therapy, ask me at HealthCareMagic at this private link: tinyurl.com/DrSheppeAnswers