Question: Does my mother suffer from BPD? I want to discuss this in depth and work out what her actions and behaviors mean.

She claims to have been diagnosed with OCD. But some of her actions resemble things such as narcissism or BPD.
I list some here but you can ask me questions about the behavior also.

- controlling
- obsessive with cleaning and such
- holds grudges
- lacks empathy
- doesn't have friends
- isn't able to get on with people easily
- has fallen out with family
- i've seen 'rages' where she turns into devil and manipulative
- hates every family member

These are some of them.

Thanks for the reply. I will try to put a few things down.

She blames her family for her issues. Her mother especially. She claims she liked her dad more. The older sister she doesn't like because she has took by her mother. But her brother, who recently died, also had many issues like my mother. So maybe there is something in this? Not sure.

My mother hasn't worked and I've been told a few times that I was a 'difficult kid growing up. This contradicts what her sister says, who loved having me. My mother was an alcoholic when younger.

This year I was talking to my father and I simply said don't interrupt since she talked over the conversation seemingly trying to flip the attention away from me. Then she stormed off and went to bed. The next day I didn't know what to expect and I said i thought she might apologies and then it carried on from here into a rage. She called me crazy and was manipluative changing things, twisting things, screaming, acting like a child talking in a stupid voice. I was terrible that I asked if she might appologise. She wanted me to leave immediately.

These rages happen when it is something against her normally. She cant take critism and holds a grudge. She still mentions this and of course, it is all my fault.

Normally she will be ok, but only because I watch what I am saying at times.
She is willing to cut people off very easily over trivial things like mentioned before. As for my dad, she is like a control freak, bosses him around goes over things constantly. He doesn’t get to do much of what he wants. My dad has worked, my mother didn’t. My dad has always provided for me food and clothes and a home. My mother is house proud and keeps the place tidy.

She went to multiple physiatrists switching and changing as she didn’t like their views and felt they were not helpful. I have no idea what was said, she went with my father. She claims the verdict was that she has OCD.

Things I remember as a child include – she destroyed a gaming machine my dad had purchased for me in front of me in a rage because it was too large and had too many wires.

Another time she was angry at my dad when he was driving and she tried to steer the car into oncoming traffic – I was in the back.

I’ve read up about this and it comes back to either narcissism or borderline personality disorder. Maybe OCD can trigger these reactions too? Not sure.
Reasons why I’m not sure that it would be narcissism is that she doesn’t steal and she seems trustworthy. She doesn’t boast or lie about achievements.

My father is a transvestite. He hid this from my mother but then went out in public at the front of our home and ‘posed’ towards the next-door neighbour. The police were called and I was present, this is when I and my mother learned about it. It was shocking my dad did this but he blames the stress for doing it. I think some of the psychiatrists suggested she should leave him. But he has the finances and she has none.

I can think of more occasions if it helps. Really I just want to understand what she has and then I can deal with it better. I understand it isn’t easy to do but I can tell you what I’ve witnessed in detail.

Thanks for your reply. I agree too. So you definitely don't think it could be narcissism?

Thanks, that is good to know since narcissism seems much worse. How should I react to her when she is paranoid etc? I also have some symptoms so I try not to react.

I will try not to react. Thanks.
I was wondering, when I talk to my dad my mother attempts to interrupt and effect the communication. Why do you think this is?
Thanks again.

Thanks for all of your help and discussing.