Question: My mother claims that she has OCD, I’ve never witnessed any diagnosis and apparently, she’s been to a variety of consultants, switching and turning along the way. Growing up, my mother wasn’t the typical ‘mom’, at least that’s how I felt – I didn’t feel connected. As for my father, I won’t go into much detail, but he is very weak deep down – my mom is always the winner. My mother was the dominant force.
My dad has issues, and takes on the women persona (I now understand this as an adult based on the actions he did when I was a child). He isn’t a woman, but thinks he is. At a young age the police had to visit our home to reveal that my father had dressed as the opposite sex in public outside of our home towards the next-door neighbour.
My mother can be very aggressive, not that you’d believe it. This only comes out when a rage happens. She is controlling towards my father, always on at him, constantly. Maybe this is OCD, but I’ve looked online and there are very narrow differences between OCD and Narcissism.
She has fallen out with all family members. Has no friends. Everyone else is to blame, never her. I’ve experienced this first hand.
Now I feel as though I’m getting the silent treatment. I want to say something. My own aggression is edging up. By the way, I’m not perfect, nothing close. I suffer from issues of trust. Etc. Many issues I contribute to my upbringing – a father who would always stickup for mother, and never his own child.
I’ve always been provided for, food on the table and clothed, my dad has held down a good job. My mother hasn’t had to work because of this.
It is really confusing to understand and I am tired of it. Everyone else it to blame according to my mother. I just heard, yet again, “I will never forgive them”. My mother must be so perfect, since everyone else is always to blame, right? I don’t think so. Maybe this is OCD, but I really have no idea.
She does have some of the OCD traits, such as cleaning more than usual etc. But then this wouldn’t involve the brutal manipulation that I’ve experienced a few times when a rage is underway, or would it? The reflect, deflect, manipulate – all areas of narcissism. Although, she doesn’t take selfies (does have mirror addiction), doesn’t claim to be smart, etc.
I now seem to be ignored. Why? Don’t know. I’ve felt down recently, gone out, had an OK day, returned and the tone is down. I normally get a Good night, but not tonight. Ignored. Another thing that I realised is that my father never spends time with me, and in a recent rage, where I was ‘totally at fault’ it became more clear. She works on him, like a spell.
At night, she is on at him. She is so controlling.
What is this?
If she is genuinely unwell then I want to help. She doesn't like that I continue to see the family members that she has fallen out with - they were so good to me, and she makes me feel guilty for seeing them, but why shouldn't I?
Any advice is welcomed.

Thanks for your reply.
After reading about the different conditions, I find it hard to see which it is.
The manipulation I've seen falls into the narcissism I think, but also many others.
Things she doesn't do is - she doesn't pretend she knows it all (actually I'm more like that), and she doesn't boast about pretend education etc.

I understand it isn't easy to diagnose a condition, but if you can ask me any questions about the behavior I've witnessed then this will be good. I'm really keen to understand what this condition is.

I understand this. But what does it sound like given the behaviors? I am keen to understand more.