Question: I would like your advice on how to best handle an emotionally abusive mother.
I have always known that it was not safe to confide in her the things that are important to me as she has many times then done something to destroy them.
A friend of hers also confided in me that she had done a similar thing to her on one occasion.
Every so often I slip and think I should be able to trust " my mother " as the media stereotypes portray, and have something important to me destroyed.
A simple example which does not include other people : she has shingles on the right side of her face. She went to kiss me with that side of her face but I kissed on the left side instead. After that she was not interested in kissing again.
She has been in her home most of her life and had some casual work at times.
She has had a divorce where she was made to feel bad and then dependent on a small income. After that the Social Security department has placed her in a dependent position for her pension and they can be quite abusive and intrusive.
She talks most with her brother and sister in law who also have bad attitudes and old fashioned feudal thinking. They think it's fun and clever to get the best of someone, are very money and business status focussed, and have lived on isolated farms all their lives.
My mother has always done as much as she could for me materially but been emotionally cold, not supportive, and power seeking over me. What I wanted for myself was not listened to, and it was a case of what she wanted for her daughter and the reflected status it gave her.
As she is now 91 and with health problems, mainly osteoarthritis, I feel a responsibility to look after her. She pushes me away by doing the wrong things by me to create arguements.
She lives in the same small town as me and lives independently with help from visiting carers and an occasionally visiting district nurse.
Can you please give me advice on what to do both to protect myself and to provide what she needs at her age.

Thank you for your reply Dr Solanki
I will pass your recommended prescription on to her as she wishes to remain independent.
I was wondering how I should behave towards her as she has always behaved this way to me, tho it is more obvious now with her age.

Thanks for your reply Dr Solanki
Mum says she does not have osteoporosis and is not stooped in posture.
She does have osteoarthritis in both knees and beginning in her hands.
Does that make any difference to your prescription ?
thank you from XXXX