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Dr. Andrew Rynne

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How can a relationship with an overbearing fiance be managed?

Answered by
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Dr. Ashok Kumar

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2000

Answered : 2711 Questions

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Posted on Mon, 7 May 2018 in Mental Health
Question: Hi doctor , my son is engaged to a girl since past 3 years , I got him engaged to a girl which he liked first and insisted on that alliance , now just before marriage , he broke up with that girl saying I don’t feel for her and in the meanwhile he was seeing girl B whom he later got engaged , now girl B has a past of having problems with relation ships with grand Mom bua etc so much so once father had beaten her and she went to police station and complained against own father , NOW slowly over small things she hates my daughter and me too , she constantly fights with my son saying break all ties with parents and sister , Trust me we give her abundant love , she is unpredicrltavle , working in a v good company , sticking to her job nicely , marriage is approaching , my son is v worried with the fights and doesn’t want to leave us as she says leave them , she wants to boss on everyone and been very rude towards me calling me wonky , pl guide us we r. Dry upset thx

On my. Son s. Birthday she came home apologised and said sorry , though underneath. I had my doubts. , sure enough again today she s fighting with my son saying she ll not meet us after marriage
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar 23 minutes later
Brief Answer:
It is advisable to go for premarital counselling

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Healthcaremagic.

I read your query and understand your concerns.

In my opinion it will be right decision to see a counselor before marriage for your son and your future daughter in law. Although this is somewhat common problem of our society but breaking the family is worst thing which a person can imagine.

Lack of moral values and failure to understand the problem from others perspective leads to such problem and this can be handled well with counselling in most cases. Seeing a counselor will help to understand that psychology of each other and accordingly future decision can be taken. This will be in interest of both families as problems after marriage are difficult to rectify in compare to before marriage where there is only commitment and no relationship.

I understand that she said sorry and apologized but the inconsistent behavior likely to add problems rather than helping.

I hope this helps you.
Feel free to write back to me if you have more questions.
Thanks and regards.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ashok Kumar 8 minutes later
Her relationships are so bad with her close relatives , she is only 23 and when she patched up with my daughter , she bit her st two placed on her neck jokingly which I found weird , her mother herself said my daughter doesn’t get along with anyone , marriage is fixed for 4 feb , tym ticking , I sent them to dr XXXXXXX Tiwari in XXXXXXX but it’s a long process of getting themselves analysed and all, another thing I would like to mention 2 week back she insisted my son goes to XXXXXXX where she working by skipping his first cousin s wedding , she wasted the ticket done by me just to take revenge and most of the tym she talks about revenge to my son and threatened to commit suicide that tym by sending videos of her cutting wrist , though she didn’t do anything

actualky she called me wonky as she wanted us to throw reception which I refused saying beta we r doing 2 pre wedding functions , she went mad after that , holding grudge against me
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar 9 hours later
Brief Answer:
I do not think her behavior can be considered normal

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for follow up.

I am glad to know that you are seeing Dr XXXXXXX Tiwari and hope that he will come to conclusion in a short time whether the marriage function can be arranged or whether there is need to call a break up. Although I do not have her version of story about the behavior but it seems to me that the behavior can not be considered normal for any person.

There is some possibility that she suffers with histrionic personality disorder although the diagnosis requires extensive work up and it will be premature for me to offer a diagnosis. In my opinion discuss the possibility of personality disorder with Dr XXXXXXX Tiwari as he have more details.

I hope this helps you further.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for my future patients.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ashok Kumar 51 minutes later
But doctor Tiwari has said he ll not tell all this to parents , my son himself is confused by yo yo behaviour of hers , she doesn’t understand
S logic
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar 34 minutes later
Brief Answer:
Follow up

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for reverting back to me.

Dr Tiwari is just following the rules of land and he is not supposed to disclose diagnosis without the permission of girl in question. In other words law do not permit any doctor to disclose details of medical condition without the permission of patient unless there is threat to life of some others.

I hope this clarifies.
Thanks again.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Ashok Kumar 18 minutes later
That’s why m not insisting but then how to decide if this alliance doesn’t give further pain to both families in future , her parents are saying piint blank that u kno the girl since 3 years but honestly doc the change of her behaviour was gradual and after Roka a severe change
doctor
Answered by Dr. Ashok Kumar 2 hours later
Brief Answer:
Follow up

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for follow up.

I am sorry to say this but most often our lose observation is responsible for change in behavior. I mean to say that probably the behavior was present before you started observing her but after the engagement you became more observant and behavior became apparent.

My statement is based on the fact that personality disorders are apparent before 18 years of age and they become more obvious for near and dear ones.

I hope this gives you more insight.
Thanks again.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
doctor
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