Sign-in to Ask A Doctor - 24x7
OR
Sign in with Google
How Can Episodes Of Rage And Headache In A Spouse Who Doesn't Want A Medical Consultation Be Managed?
Question: Hello Doctor,
we got married 8 months back
we both are software professionals.
My husband (28) is a loving, caring and decent guy.
but the problem with him is his overthinking,hypersensitive nature and endless insecurities due to his bad parenting.
His parents were living together just for their childrens sake since 25years.
he always tries to avoid them somehow
he is carrying all that parents fights and arguments in mind.
where as my family is super loving type especilly my brother.
As we are of same age group, we are like best friends.
Initially XXXXXXX got afraid on seeing us whether i wll be able to adjust with him on seeing my relation with my brother.
gradually he developed a kind of insecurity towards him saying you love your brother only ,not me. he is your first priority not me kind of.
XXXXXXX is damn moody person. he doesnt like to be present around people except with me. 24*7 i should be with him.I am everything to him. Frankly I love my family equally to my husband.
whenever he gets in between people, his face expressions will get changed. EOD,he will start picking fights with me saying you said this, you were wearing that, you dont like me, you mistreated me, you insulted me..
I am nothing to you.
I don't like fights or arguments.Though i dint commit any mistake i don't defend or argue. i wil just keep calm.
He will shout ,go hyper, will say he wanna leave the home, hit himslef on head and slap his face very badly.. he have had very bad headaches due to that
He never liestens to me if i say lets visit a doctor for any kind of help
and he keep on asking did you tell you brother that we had a fight, i did like this or i am illtreating you..
and complains he loves me in a best way but i don't love him back.
He cant take my brother giving importance to me.
i know he had bad parenting due to whcih i try to calm saying, i am not going to leave you(he had taht fear)
your parents are of exceptional case that will not happen with us.
but there is no use, now I am feeling conscious and anxious when he is with me because of his past actions and arguments.
Can you help me how to deal with him?
we got married 8 months back
we both are software professionals.
My husband (28) is a loving, caring and decent guy.
but the problem with him is his overthinking,hypersensitive nature and endless insecurities due to his bad parenting.
His parents were living together just for their childrens sake since 25years.
he always tries to avoid them somehow
he is carrying all that parents fights and arguments in mind.
where as my family is super loving type especilly my brother.
As we are of same age group, we are like best friends.
Initially XXXXXXX got afraid on seeing us whether i wll be able to adjust with him on seeing my relation with my brother.
gradually he developed a kind of insecurity towards him saying you love your brother only ,not me. he is your first priority not me kind of.
XXXXXXX is damn moody person. he doesnt like to be present around people except with me. 24*7 i should be with him.I am everything to him. Frankly I love my family equally to my husband.
whenever he gets in between people, his face expressions will get changed. EOD,he will start picking fights with me saying you said this, you were wearing that, you dont like me, you mistreated me, you insulted me..
I am nothing to you.
I don't like fights or arguments.Though i dint commit any mistake i don't defend or argue. i wil just keep calm.
He will shout ,go hyper, will say he wanna leave the home, hit himslef on head and slap his face very badly.. he have had very bad headaches due to that
He never liestens to me if i say lets visit a doctor for any kind of help
and he keep on asking did you tell you brother that we had a fight, i did like this or i am illtreating you..
and complains he loves me in a best way but i don't love him back.
He cant take my brother giving importance to me.
i know he had bad parenting due to whcih i try to calm saying, i am not going to leave you(he had taht fear)
your parents are of exceptional case that will not happen with us.
but there is no use, now I am feeling conscious and anxious when he is with me because of his past actions and arguments.
Can you help me how to deal with him?
Brief Answer:
Be brave and overcome the present testing phase
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX Thanks for your question.
Your assessment about your husband's behavior hold true and is the reason for his present behavior pattern.
He feels insecure, inferior, non-lovable, introvert, non-social, non-outspoken etc coupled with his problems with his parents and therefore he might have developed a kind of all-inclusive-inferiority-complex that must have affected his personality totally.
I see this as a personality disorder. There are many other aspects that has to be looked into. Only a trained psychologist can do that.
I appreciate your patience and commitment. This shows your love towards your husband and family. You are born and brought up in a such a open-minded family culture. That could be your asset.
In your husband's case, the best thing you can do is to somehow convince him to consult a psychologist for an assessment of his psychological XXXXXXX I would compel you to do so.
Though there are no other proven techniques, you could start changing your approach towards your husband. Find out in which areas your husband is proving to be insecure and try to help him avoid all those. Talk to his parents to change their attitude and approach, they could be helped with a family counseling. Motivate your child to be more active with your husband etc.
I could tell you more tips, but the given information is limited. Still, a personality assessment of your husband should prove to be a good step.
There are psychologists / psychiatrists who provide online assessment. I also do that. At least convince your husband to opt for this.
You are an empowered educated woman and I believe you can overcome this testing times. Take care
Be brave and overcome the present testing phase
Detailed Answer:
Dear XXXXXXX Thanks for your question.
Your assessment about your husband's behavior hold true and is the reason for his present behavior pattern.
He feels insecure, inferior, non-lovable, introvert, non-social, non-outspoken etc coupled with his problems with his parents and therefore he might have developed a kind of all-inclusive-inferiority-complex that must have affected his personality totally.
I see this as a personality disorder. There are many other aspects that has to be looked into. Only a trained psychologist can do that.
I appreciate your patience and commitment. This shows your love towards your husband and family. You are born and brought up in a such a open-minded family culture. That could be your asset.
In your husband's case, the best thing you can do is to somehow convince him to consult a psychologist for an assessment of his psychological XXXXXXX I would compel you to do so.
Though there are no other proven techniques, you could start changing your approach towards your husband. Find out in which areas your husband is proving to be insecure and try to help him avoid all those. Talk to his parents to change their attitude and approach, they could be helped with a family counseling. Motivate your child to be more active with your husband etc.
I could tell you more tips, but the given information is limited. Still, a personality assessment of your husband should prove to be a good step.
There are psychologists / psychiatrists who provide online assessment. I also do that. At least convince your husband to opt for this.
You are an empowered educated woman and I believe you can overcome this testing times. Take care
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
Answered by
Get personalised answers from verified doctor in minutes across 80+ specialties
