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Dr. Andrew Rynne

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Diagnosed with auditory processing disorder at early stage. Back had herniation and living with pain. What to do?

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Dr. K. V. Anand

Psychologist

Practicing since :1993

Answered : 6465 Questions

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Posted on Mon, 18 Nov 2013 in Mental Health
Question: Thank you, I have raised two sons with Auditory Processing Disorder, diagnosed at early age around 4.Both had IEP's and a lot of support through school/college.

First question: about my 27-yr.-old son, who is not taking nor likes medications for his APD. He has difficulties focusing; he works w/ Jim's, his Dad's, consulting firm, and forgets things many times. He is unaware and does not think he still has symptoms of it. I am just now,after being very close as a family, receiving in-put from him,re-buildinging trust w/ him following his questioning of distrust of me,& dis-connects during times of my own family (mom dying, friend's death,moving), crises,as his recollections are somewhat different ( he was 15),we were always vigilent of his care & well-being.He does have a therapist now at his request;he wants me there, too, when I can be, which is great, and he will also have his own private sessions. I have always loved him totally.He feels repressed despite our raising him in loving, safe home(Dad is an MSW!) ,encouraged his self-expression;worked w/ his teachers, and for keeping his self-esteem in small school; he built up trust w/ us through conversations,it is working,and now,he has married his long-standing girlfriend of 7 yrs.,told us, afterward, during our conversations about self-expression.He is defensive,as is she,he defends her emphatically, she does not drive and has no family in U.S.;she is accusatory/blaming us (or me mostly) of many things,needing to be addressed w/ a therapist, when we were very close and loving to her, as her family is in Japan, she was educated Western, as Dad is American,in engineering in military, but no contact w/ them beforehand also.They, our kids,thought we would interfere.I wanted to see that day for 27 yrs., but wouldn't have ever stopped him from doing it his way; is this related to his ADD?

2)Escoteric question:How can we encourage teachers to learn despite their limited education in the field of ADD, ADHD, APD, more, what has been shown and proven to be fact/myth and how to help?
And parents, test early,even privately, as less self consciousness around it, we were with them, IEP in place in kindergarten through college! Success! :)

thanks
doctor
Answered by Dr. K. V. Anand 14 hours later
Brief Answer:
detailed below

Detailed Answer:
Dear

We understand your concerns.

As you already know so many things about APD, I need not discuss it here. APD does not feature in diagnostic classifications such as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition (DSM-IV). The American Academy of Audiology notes - APD is diagnosed by difficulties in one or more auditory processes known to reflect the function of the central auditory nervous system.

Your 27 year old child is an independent personality now and he wants to do everything alone, I presume.He is not taking medications because he don't believe that he has these problems, or conveniently forgets it. It is heartening to hear that he wants you with him whenever possible and you are happy to oblige. But there is a negative aspect to this. You cannot be with him always. He is lacking the much needed training in life, to be self sufficient. You are doing everything you can, but sometimes it backfires though not evident in your case as of now.

Now your son is married with his girlfriend. I hope the couple are loving and affectionate to each other. You are showering your care towards your son. Your son's wife also wants to do so to her husband. Your son is in a dilemma. He cannot avoid both. He tries to find a neutral path and this irritates your son's wife and she gets satisfied in blaming you for everything. And also her culture matters.

Now the best thing you can do is (I am sorry) to leave them alone. They should find a way out of their problems. You cannot be at their side always. Your son now has a family and as an entity the family is independent. I know you will be distressed. But there is no other option other than this.

You love your son as well as your daughter in law. Love them and be with them, not near, a bit a way. Watch them. Bless them. Help them if they ask for help. Reiterate you are available nearby. But don't help unless asked for. You want them to be self sufficient.

Your son is with APD for years and he knows how to live with it. He will do so even without your support. Watch him living and be happy.

For the second question. Teachers without ADD, APD knowledge legally should not deal with children of such type. There are separate education and training facilities available. Trained therapists available. It is us who don't recognize this. State has every resources and we fail to understand this. Teachers don't get trained to teach. Teaching ability is innate. Trained teachers always fail to excel. In my opinion, State should not allow such practices.

Over and above, I need not educate you about these facts. You know these things from your 60 year long life experience.You are really wise. ADD and ADHD was there even before psychology and psychotherapy was developed and usually just by home training and life situations, these were went unnoticed. There are two ways:

1. Let them be aware of ADD/ADHD and insist on getting better
2. Treat them with motivation and other therapeutic methods without letting them know.

Both methods are successful if used carefully.

Hope this answers your query. Available for further clarifications.
Good luck. With respect for a man who did everything with love and affection.

Dr. K V Anand

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Shanthi.E
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