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Dr. Andrew Rynne

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Concerned about inequality in socio economic status and nature

Answered by
Dr. Ashish Mittal


Practicing since :2004

Answered : 1856 Questions

Posted on Tue, 18 Dec 2012 in Mental Health
Question: Hello,

I have a 3 month old affair with a girl age 30, doctor. I am actually in love with her(both of us for that matter). We found each other of Social Networking site, initiated from her side. She says she was looking for some old friend and found me instead. It started with normal exchange of info and intrests and phone calls. Then we started to see other and it took off.

Sometimes I find her lying about things or put it correctly there is discrepancy what she says. How can I make sure by way of checklist that she is not a sociopath. My family stature is much above than her. She belongs to Middle Class family.
Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 6 hours later
Thanks for your query.

Important aspects of your query are:
•     35 year old female
•     Inequality in socio economic status of female friend
•     Concern related to nature of female friend

If you are progressing towards love marriage, after affair, then you should not worry about socio-economic status. Apart from that, you mentioned that she is doctor and in society/family doctors get lots of respect. Education is also decisive factor to decide status of the family.

But marriage is a big decision. Both partner should understand each to reach such decision. Your friendship is only 3 months old. It is better to take some more time to reach any conclusion. You have to also decide, whether she can adjust in your family.

If she misinform you about certain thing then, try to find out reason for that. It may possible that she lie sometime due to fear of loosing you.

You suspected socio-path nature in her. In scientific term it is called anti social personality.
Personality assessment is done by clinical psychologist or trained psychiatrist. It may take several days to assess personality. Following tests are used to assess personality which is administered by trained psychologist: Clinical interview, Sentence completion test, Rorschach Inkblot Test, Thematic Apperception Test (TAT), Minnesota-Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) and other tests. Both of you can XXXXXXX psychologist for personality assessment.

Behavior pattern in anti social personality persons according to WHO (but it should be decided by psychologist):
(1) Callous unconcern for the feelings of others.
(2) Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations.
(3) Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty to establish them.
(4) Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence.
(5) Incapacity to experience guilt, or to profit from adverse experience, particularly punishment.
(6) Marked proneness to blame others, or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behaviour bringing the subject into conflict with society.

I hope this information has been both informative and helpful for you. In case of any doubt, I will be available for follow ups.

Wish you good health.
Dr Ashish XXXXXXX Mittal

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Follow up: Dr. Ashish Mittal 16 hours later

Thank you so much for the detailed reply. The traits for sociopath you enlisted, she is totally opposite of that.
i can tell you that very confidently as I have been with her for a complete week and intervied for hundreds of hours.
Just wanted to double check because of such impression we pick on movies.

Two very important things to ask you, your experience sould be very helpful

1. She has always maintained that she is a virgin, recently she was drunk, i mean 1.2 litres of neat red wine;she was not in her senses, i can say this because next morning she said she remembers hardly anything what happened the other night, in fact she was abusing my parents for delaying engagement, she was sorry for that when she came to know about her actions.. she began telling me things without me asking her, about her personal life, her experiences. Later on she said she never had sex with anybody. What is the probability someone under such alcholic effect can speak the truth, can you put some number say 70-80% or more than 90%, nearly 100% etc based on your experience.

2. If she really is a virgin , how come she fell for me that could take a Big decision of sleeping with me without any confirmation of marriage/enegagement.We belong to Family with traditional values. Can a girl really be in so much love that go to this extend or could be that she has done this before therefore no big deal, as she studied in russia where livein and sex is way too common.

pls help.

Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 18 hours later
Hello again,
Thanks for follow up.

I can understand your concern. But it is difficult to comment about virginity of anybody and in most instance it is better to rely on person, specially when you are emotionally involve.

Studying in society with lots of live in relationship around does not rule out virginity.

There may be several reasons for being sexually intimate like:
-Being educated, specially doctor. Doctor due to education have lots of knowledge about sex.
-She is growing old, as she is already 30+, which increases craving for intimacy.
-Attraction towards you

In severe alcohol intoxication many person develop black out, in which they may talk any irrelevant untrue thing and later on do not remember them.

In my view, if you comfortable with her, miss her when alone and enjoy her company, then it is better to go ahead in life with her.

Please accept my answer in case there are no further queries and recommend our services to your friends too if you have found it helpful.

Wish you good health.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Follow up: Dr. Ashish Mittal 29 hours later

Thanks for your reply,

Is there any scientific method or procedure that enables true and uninhibited question answer session with the subject, perhaps like hypnosis, etc. pls guide.

Answered by Dr. Ashish Mittal 6 hours later
Hello again,
Thanks for follow up.

It is very difficult with hypnosis or other procedure like abreaction, in your case due to following reasons:
-Person consent is must, specially if she is a doctor. In that case your partner may develop trust deficit for you.
-Many person can control their response during procedure. Many give wrong response due to suggestions.
-Difficult to find good therapist.

Please accept my answer in case there are no further queries and recommend our services to your friends too if you have found it helpful.

Wish you good health.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar

The User accepted the expert's answer

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