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Can you suggest a good doctor to address my sexual problems ?

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Practicing since : 2000
Answered : 47 Questions
Dear Doctor, Could you please suggest on psychologist/psychiatrist doctors available in Kerala at Trivandrum with whom i can discuss/get counseling on my sexual problems. I am 29, married and is having trouble/lack of desire in having sex with wife. I do get aroused likeany other man and masterbates, but has no sexual feelings towards wife.
Posted Mon, 30 Apr 2012 in Sexual Problems
Answered by Dr. Abhijeet Deshmukh, 1 hour later

Thanks for the query.

First of all, you can have a look at the following link for a list of Psychiatrists practicing in Trivandrum.

You can choose doctors with good reviews from patients. If you want to have more information about how to contact them, you can take help of JustDial or use this link.

You seem to have problem specifically while having intercourse with your wife. And the fact that you can have erection while masturbating rules out Erectile Dysfunction. You seem to have 'Sexual Desire Disorder'.

Assuming you used to have sexual intercourse with your wife earlier, but have lost the desire now, this condition seems to be acquired. This condition can arise in one or more of the following situations -

1) Depression - You may need to check if you have any depressive symptoms such as sadness of mood, irritability, disturbed sleep, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, etc.

2) Relationship Problems with wife - If you have been having a troubled relationship with your wife with interpersonal conflicts, it is possible to lose desire for sexual intercourse with her.

There could be other causes which you may need to correlate.

Depending upon the cause, you will be able to formulate a management strategy. There are quite a few techniques that can help in such a situation. One such technique is called 'Sensate Focus'. In this technique, efforts are made to improve the relationship between the couple so that sexual activity can happen. But whether you need to use this technique depends upon what exactly is at the root of the problem.

If you wish to discuss more about this issue, you can reply to this with a follow-up query. I will be glad to help you out.

Take care.

Dr Abhijeet Deshmukh.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by
Follow-up: Can you suggest a good doctor to address my sexual problems ? 13 hours later
Thanks for the reply.
I will definitely look at the list and pick one. I was wondering whether you have any suggestion for anyone in that list.

A small history.
Mine was a love marriage. My wife was my college mate during my graduation and we finally get married after 5 -6 years. We were having a strong relationship during this period and we had a healthy physical relationship. We did everything except intercourse before marriage.
Later we got married and we tred for intercourse. Earlier days, it was tough because of penetration problems and her pain. But slolwy, I started losing interest and I stopped getting erect while with her.
(While I get aroused with normal stuff, like a erotic story/film or anything, but not with her)
So the fact is, I have never had intercourse with her in this 2 years.

We have a very very healthy relationship and she is very understanding. (That's why we are still together facing this issue)
I don't think I have some depression issues as I am basically a joyous type of person.

Any valuable inputs are appreciated.
Also, I will appreciate if you have any suggestion about the doctor as the list had no reviews.

Sincerely, XXXXXXX
Answered by Dr. Abhijeet Deshmukh, 6 hours later

Thank you for writing back with more details.

I'm afraid I won't be able to pick one name from the list, but you can think about Dr Sreedhar, who is a Ph.D. and seems to be in the best position to help you for your problems.

In your situation, you may not necessarily need a Psychiatrist's help. A therapist, preferably a Couples Therapy expert can help you.

It is important that you should first rule out any physical causes of difficulty in penetration and the pain.

Penetration might be difficult due to incomplete retraction of the foreskin of the penis, too little lubrication, a thicker hymen in the partner, etc.

I am sure you have given a thought to these aspects, but if there is something that was not considered earlier, you can consult appropriate doctors for the same. For your wife, a Gynecologist's review will be appropriate.

If penetration was the problem, it could certainly become a turn off for either of the partners for sex. And this does seem to be the case with you.

What has additionally affected your sexual arousal is the fact that you were not able to successfully have intercourse with her. In your own mind, this probably has made a XXXXXXX impact.

Inability to have sexual intercourse is probably perceived by your mind as "failure". And now each time you think about trying to have sex, your mind reminds itself about the "failure". This is a simple hypothesis that I can make, but of course, the situation involves much more than this, and probably more elaborate perceptions in your mind about your sexual experiences.

Couples Therapy can help you unearth these perceptions, find out where the block is in your mind, and help you remove that block.

Psychotherapy can also do the same, but unfortunately we cannot attempt psychotherapy via this forum. In this regard, I find Dr Sreedhar's website helpful and he seems to be the person you can visit regarding your situation.

I hope this reply was a bit helpful to you. Please write to me if you wish to discuss more.

Take care.

Dr Abhijeet Deshmukh

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