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Tips for anger management - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Average Posted in: Mental Health
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2005
Answered : 2408 Questions
User :   I have an anger problem. I would like to solve this.
Doctor :   Hi
User :   hi
Doctor :   May I know your age and gender?
User :   26 and male
Doctor :   And can you briefly explain what you meant by anger problem?
User :   I realize that I have an uncontrollable anger problem. I thought I had resolved it in the last 4 years but I see it returning when provoked enough.
User :   I am not sure whether it is normal and hence, I came here for consultation because this website seemed very convenient.
User :   I realized it after I ruined a friendship with a girl who liked me because I got too angry. I abused her verbally and insulted her a lot.
Doctor :   Ok
User :   My anger lasted for 3 days and only after 3 days I realized that I have done a big mistake. I realized that if someone had abused me so badly, I would have also probably never talked to that person again.
Doctor :   Can I know how you respond to your anger?
Doctor :   Apart from this one episode you mentioned.
Doctor :   How do you usually respond when provoked/
Doctor :   And does that happen all the time when provoked?
User :   Usually, I respond by telling the other person that he or she is wrong.
Doctor :   Ok
User :   Actually in the last 4 years nobody has provoked me so much. This new friend I made a few months back could provoke me so much.
User :   I responded with an abusive behavior a few weeks back but on apologizing, she understood. But I did it again and this time I have ruined the friendship. And only because I was not forgiven this time, I realized that this seems like persistent problem.
User :   I respond in this manner only to people very close to me because there I feel that I can do whatever I want and it turns out that I am wrong. I shouldn't be abusive to anyone, no matter what.
User :   I know that anger problem may be a medical issue and that's why I thought I should come here for consultation.
Doctor :   Since you had mentioned that you had similar problems earlier and you had got used to it.
User :   yes. I had a lot of these problems about 4 years back. But gradually, I thought I had resolved it myself.
Doctor :   There are plenty of chances that you can get over your anger problems this time too, by following the same guidelines.
Doctor :   Hence I would like to know the methods you had applied.
Doctor :   I shall add to it if any other measures you may have to include.
User :   But I did not follow any guidelines. I just thought I had resolved it. Perhaps my friends and relatives were very understanding and they realized that I was getting angry and hence calmed me down.
User :   but since this new friend never really calmed me down but wanted to make her point, I kept getting more and more angry until I started abusing her verbally.
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   I shall suggest you few methods of anger management.
User :   ok
Doctor :   Before discussing those, you need to understand that it needs plenty of patience and practice before you can master to control your anger.
Doctor :   Patience is the primary virtue if you are going to successfully manage your anger.
User :   yes
User :   i have only one problem. i don't know how to practice. there isn't anyone now who can provoke me so much that i can test whether i am successful.
Doctor :   it does not need some provocation to try this.
User :   ok
Doctor :   You can do these when ever you feel that you are getting angry.
User :   ok
Doctor :   You can know this, if you know, how you respond to a situation of provocation.
User :   ok
Doctor :   Since you have described me those, you now know how you generally act in such a situations.
User :   yes
Doctor :   First thing you need to know that abusing will only make matter more worse and your symptoms more severe.
Doctor :   So its better that you avoid those.
User :   yes
Doctor :   if you feel that you cannot avoid it, then I would suggest you this.
Doctor :   You can write in a piece of paper those abusive words which you intend to speak to the person.
User :   ok
Doctor :   This will make the other person calm down, inturn will not make your anger more.
User :   ok
Doctor :   2. During such occasions you can also make yourself calm by simple exercises, like
Doctor :   deep breatihing exercise or counting your breathe.
User :   ok
Doctor :   This increases the blood circulation to the brain and helps in calming you down.
Doctor :   3. Speak to your friends, you can make a quick call to your friends and family if they are not here with you now.
Doctor :   Explain to them about what you feel.
User :   ok
Doctor :   A soft words from them will make you feel relax.
User :   ok
Doctor :   4. Physical exercises and yoga.
User :   ok
Doctor :   They intend to have good affects in stabilising once mood and behaviour.
Doctor :   You can start with those.
User :   ok
Doctor :   These are the few measures that can be applied.
User :   ok
Doctor :   If these few measures are not helping you then the lastly
Doctor :   you can make your self calm down other exercises like punching pillows, punching games on a computer.
User :   ok
Doctor :   All these measures are few ways of managing anger.
User :   ok
Doctor :   You can follow the best method which is suitable to you.
User :   yes
Doctor :   Lastly, since anger is part of human nature, its not a mental condition or disease.
Doctor :   You will get over it by following simple measures such as one of those.
User :   ok
Doctor :   There are many books and literatures available in anger management, you can read those.
Doctor :   And before, we end this discussion, one small advice. You can take it or leave it.
User :   yes
Doctor :   Feel sorry, if you have hurt others.
Doctor :   A simple sorry can make wonders.
User :   yes, I do feel sorry and I regret it a lot.
Doctor :   So do not feel ashamed in saying a sorry, if you end up with abusing others again.
Doctor :   Have you followed what I have suggested?
User :   yes, i am not. i have apologized for my behavior sincerely. yes, I have followed your suggestions. thanks.
User :   could I please know your name? the chat doesn't show your name.
Doctor :   I am Dr XXX
Doctor :   Thanks for consulting me.
User :   ok
Doctor :   Bye for now.
User :   thanks. bye.
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