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Problem relationship - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Very Good Posted in: Mental Health
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2008
Answered : 3631 Questions
User :   Hi
User :   iam a 24 year female
Doctor :   Hi
User :   10 days back i had an unusal break up with my lover
Doctor :   I am
User :   Hi Dr
Doctor :   Sorry to hear that
User :   we were in a relation for the past three years
User :   he belonges to a very conservative family
Doctor :   ok
User :   this march he informed his parents about our relation that we want to get married
User :   but they didnt agree
User :   he kept on trying
User :   but they didnt
Doctor :   ok
User :   he always told me that one day or the other they will agree
Doctor :   ok
User :   but his parents started creating emotional dramas, making him feel that thyw would die as we are intercaste
User :   he did not inform me about this, and went home
User :   when he came back and i caught him that he lied to me
Doctor :   ok
User :   he cried a lot and said sorry that his parents were not well at all
User :   but that day said he stil loves me
User :   i too love him but now marriage is no option for us
Doctor :   ok
User :   I Want to be friends with him, so that atleast we can support each other in case of problems
User :   what do i do?
User :   iam very emotionally attached to him
Doctor :   Tough question But i will try to help you ethically
Doctor :   and to support your life and to preserve ur self esteem
User :   ok
Doctor :   Love and friendship are very close but they are different
Doctor :   Lover has emotional and physical attachment
Doctor :   But friend may not have these.
User :   yes
Doctor :   If the love does nor end in marriage, that love is useless
User :   physical needs is not a concern for me
Doctor :   OK but tey will part of it later
User :   ok
Doctor :   So far are you physcially attached to me
Doctor :   Do you have any physical relatins with him?
User :   yes i did
User :   but not now
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   But what do you want to achive with his love?
Doctor :   Do you want temporary love or long lasting love?
User :   i wanted to marry him and he too
User :   but because of his parents we arent able to do so
Doctor :   But he will not marry you.
Doctor :   His is dependent of parents
Doctor :   He will love u becuase he is physically and emotionally attached to u.
User :   is it?
User :   physically iam not sure
Doctor :   Yes my Dear
User :   but emotionally we both are
Doctor :   It is from both sides
Doctor :   I honestly agrree u r true lovers
User :   but i dont need any physically need from him
Doctor :   But he has no guts to marry u against his parents
User :   yes
User :   i too think so
User :   is that a sign of a true lover
Doctor :   No
Doctor :   It is Timidity
User :   sometimes i think if i had been in his position what would i have done
Doctor :   True lover will come out of all relations and live and die for u
User :   but how can one see his /her parents dieing?
Doctor :   I am telling u the existing and happening situation
Doctor :   Please .. I can understand.. Making Decisions in life at every point is very BIG DEAL
User :   i know we cant marry for sure
Doctor :   Some times we dont take decisions but we go with time
User :   i dont want him back as today if he is not supporting me he wont support me lateron also
Doctor :   Here I want to give options: User :   yes
Doctor :   You make solid decisions
Doctor :   1. Avoid all phone call, and meeting and tell him to marry
User :   other options?
Doctor :   If he dont come to u and marr u forget him
Doctor :   2 option
Doctor :   Just one decision: Love and marry
Doctor :   if that does not happen forget him
Doctor :   This is my advice
User :   i cannot beg him to marry me
User :   doctor cant we be friends?
Doctor :   You are a human being
Doctor :   You dont need to beg for love and marriage
Doctor :   OK
User :   is friendship an option ?
Doctor :   I am sorry, this guy is not eligible for friendship
Doctor :   You already had physical and emotional attachment and true friendship value is gone
User :   how do i forget him
User :   i always keep thnkking about hi,
User :   i dont know why but i want to teahc him a lesson
Doctor :   Do you have self esteem and self respect?
Doctor :   Do you have goals?
Doctor :   Build your life around your self respect
User :   yes i do
User :   but i really feel alone
Doctor :   This is not the end of the world
Doctor :   this is only temporary
User :   how do i give that place to somebody else
Doctor :   As time passes, you will forget him
Doctor :   You may think I am cruel but As I told you in the beginning I a supporting your life
User :   doctor is it a good option to tell ur husband aby ur ex?
User :   yes doctor
Doctor :   No
User :   but how do i some out of it
User :   Will he ever regret?
User :   come
Doctor :   Yes that is best option
Doctor :   Regret once and say sorry for God
Doctor :   And then give you heart and sould to one who is really going to stay for ever with u
User :   he says he has ruined his life,
Doctor :   It is ok for whatever happened
User :   if my husband comes to know if i was physically attached
Doctor :   He will 1000 stories , they may lies/trues, but it does not matter for u, bcoz he is not marrying u
Doctor :   Does he has any evidence to show you had physica attachment
User :   not at all
User :   he was not of that type
User :   he has always been protecting me since we were in a raltion
Doctor :   Now you have to change
User :   what do i have to change?
Doctor :   You should protect ur self?
User :   how?
Doctor :   I dont know what is the meaning of protecting?
User :   always used to care for me
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   that is dependence
User :   if i were in trouble he to there for me
Doctor :   not protection
Doctor :   That is expected when u have relations
User :   but till today if i ask him to do something for me he will
User :   so iam unable to understand of what happened
User :   he says due to guilt he could not face me
Doctor :   may e true
User :   till today say
User :   that i feel very guilty when i speak to you,u have done a lot for me
User :   doctor how do when judge this kind of people?
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