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Problem in getting adjusted with relations, chronic headaches - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Good Posted in: General Health
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2005
Answered : 2408 Questions
User :   hi
User :   hi good morning
User :   how can I help you?
User :   my name is
User :   please proceed with your health query.
User :   Dr. XXXXXXXX here.
User :   hi dr.
User :   i'm a bit disturbed these days
User :   ok. please describe your symptoms in detail.
User :   usual kind of attitude problems, what you call as generation gap
User :   ok
User :   since marriage, my parents have a feeling that we are neglecting them
User :   ok, that happens with a lot of couples. when did you get married? do you stay with your parents?
User :   we are 3 childrens of my parents, eldering being my brother who is 36 years old now, he is working in, married and settled there, on vacation in , now
User :   ok
User :   yea, my sister who is married and settled in, wiht 2 kids
User :   ok
User :   I'm 32 years old now , married 5 years ago, and settled in
User :   my parents stay wiht me usually
User :   ok.
User :   do you have children? do they spend time with them?
User :   the general problem is that, we all love our parents very deep
User :   do you tend to spend time with them, atleast a few moments after your work?
User :   yeah, i just had a 2-month old baby girl,
User :   yes that is true, everyone loves their parents
User :   yeah of course, whenever we have time, we spent most of the time with them
User :   and they need to understand that the new responsibilities will make the children get busy
User :   its not the general thing happening of failing to take care of parents in this busy world
User :   but it does not mean that they are neglecting them
User :   have you tried to speak with them in private and understand what they expect out of you?
User :   yes.....
User :   what did they say? what do they expect out of you?
User :   is your wife fine with them? is she good to them? is there any problem between them?
User :   they often feel that, especially mother, thinks that we all listen or are more attached to wife and their homes though we spent much less time over there
User :   what ever we do, they feel that we are doing so by listening to wife
User :   yes....they are fine with them
User :   all mothers do get though this rough patch, its because they are attached to their children, and forget that they too were wifes once upon an time
User :   but since this is happening since the marriage
User :   and taken good care of their husbands
User :   they are getting a bit frustrated mentally themselves
User :   so speak to her gently, tell her that you have to give attention to your wife too since she is your responsibility , you have taken vows in marriage
User :   so, my brother moved to 3 years back, i.e. 2 years after marriage to escape from all this
User :   but tell her also that you love her since she is mother
User :   and love of mother can never be replaced by love of wife
User :   yeah, that i have multiple times..........
User :   and that she has to understand your responsibilities towards your wife especially that that baby is also there now
User :   if she does not seem to understand, then get a professional counseling done for her
User :   by a psychotherapist or psychologist
User :   its not she is having the same attitue to ourselves...........she is having the same attitude to other relatives too
User :   to help her understand teh realities of life and that her children do love her
User :   but how i would be able to do that......she will never come........
User :   then in that case, it is all the more necessary that she gets the counseling done, else she will slowly get pushed into depression due to her own thoughts.
User :   just take her telling that you want an annula check up done
User :   and get a referal to psycholtherapist or psychologist
User :   tel the doctor that you need one to be done since you feel she is going into depression.
User :   and go ahead with the further steps as the situation demands
User :   have you followed what I have said?
User :   yes
User :   i tried multiple times to just get her to a doctor for check up......she states, she is absolutely fine, just let her take some rest, she is getting weaker, because she has to work had no body does the daily chores
User :   tell her she needs to be evaluated to see why she is weak, and the house chores can be managed by your wife, and if needed keep a maid for few days
User :   she says if i go to a doctor, he will tell her "to take absolute rest"........ and is it possible for me to take rest?
User :   tell her she needs blod investigations and complete check for her health at this age, to diagnose underlying problems
User :   my wife and my bro's wife tell her that and they help aroudn with the activities
User :   and you as her son are concerned about it
User :   she has to listen to to you if she loves you. she will listen and come
User :   but she starts to pick fault in each actiity...and starts talking for long hours about that
User :   that happens everywhere, your household is just one of them, she will be fine with the coulselling
User :   make sure that you have your wife and your bro's wife too speak to the counselor
User :   about what she does and speaks
User :   ok.
User :   about what faults she finds even though there are none
User :   such that he/she gets an idea of what is going on
User :   and can counsel your mother better way
User :   it would be good if they speak to him/her before your mother is seen by the psychologist/psychotherapist
User :   ok....
User :   sometimes old people behave as children when they are growing old, so you need to be firm and be like you are their parents
User :   such that you take care of them better
User :   ok
User :   but i really doubt, how can i get that done.......bcoz my mother is a kind of person, who never goes out without real good reason.......
User :   speak to your father about what is going on with her and in house
User :   and ask him to help you to counsel her at home itself
User :   he too does not understand that......
User :   she should listen to him if both of them have good relations
User :   oh ok. then the only way out is to take professional help
User :   for both of them
User :   my father also dont socialize much after he retired from bank
User :   ok
User :   he is having health problems.....back prblem.....he cannot walk much......but he himself does not seek medical help even after much pursuation
User :   most old people after retiredment think that life is over, but you ned to bring them back to life
User :   its the time they actually start living for themselves since they worked hard for their kids
User :   he states......i'm 65 years old now,........there is no need for me to have the treatment, better you take care of all....that will be enough
User :   so find out ways to get him back into his hobbies
User :   yeah i understand that......
User :   and friends
User :   last month we all had a get together, at the occasion of my child's birth.......
User :   such that he keeps engaged
User :   ok
User :   my sis came from , bro came for vaction from muscat, and i went ot my parents......and kids were all there
User :   ok
User :   but my mom, though I love her much, is a mood spoiler........
User :   ok
User :   she plays all wiht kids..........but when 2-year old does not listen to her........she will feel bad about and start to curse hte child
User :   she will say, thats what i tell often, "kids not told proper manner" and all tht can tehy listen me, if you all are not listening to me
User :   and that kind of stuff
User :   in that case, there are 3 options left for you. 1) get the psychology counseling done for her (better if both your parents), 2) move out with your family to be better able to take care of your wife and child, 3) see if they can stay with your brother for few months, your sister for few months and with you w=for few months, such that they have change in lief and environment
User :   i tried hard to convince to get her to checkup ........since she was running fever.......but she is too adamant to not to go
User :   you have to be firm, and take charge of the family as advised by your father then
User :   3rd, we all tried out.......but that does not work, bcoz she always creates some issues and move out from where she is staying........
User :   and be the head and decision maker in family from now on, tel your parents that have to listen to you, that you care for them else dont complain.
User :   2nd, i dont want to do
User :   then you have the first option left
User :   be firm and get her to be treated
User :   1st, i'm trying to do......but not happening.......bcoz she is not listening........
User :   she will listen if you be firm with her and take charge of family and all decisions
User :   no dr.....once we get firm.....her mood boils out......she starts talking in loud voices and creates a big fuss...............she is having we fear she will have some panic attacks....
User :   and we keep dont go in argument or be firm
User :   i mean, we keep cool and dont go in argumen then
User :   all I can say is she is taking advantage of her health and old age, you have to be firm with her, since she needs professional help. even if she gets a panic attack it is fine, atleast you can get her professional help
User :   for more detailed discussion , you can speak to to our panel psychologist/psychotherapist
User :   and see what they suggest to overcome the problem
User :   you can make your wife speak to them too
User :   and together find a solution
User :   ok....
User :   WWW.WWWW.WW User :   visit this link to speak to one of them
User :   ok.....i will do that....
User :   you have option of email answer and phone call
User :   and if you choose phone call, you need not pay for it, the specialist calls you up
User :   you only need to pay the doctor fees
User :   ok....whether i will need to take special package for that if i want to talk to them
User :   ok
User :   i mean to say specialist consultation fees
User :   yes, you will need to pay for heir consultation fees which is different for email and for phone answer.
User :   *thier
User :   k
User :   is there anything else I can help you with?
User :   no ....thanks for your help dr
User :   Thanks for consulting me. Bye for now. Please chat with our doctors 24/7 for medical queries. Please refer your friends to our service.
User :   ok
User :   sure
User :   Please fill the feedback form, and say done when done.
User :   ok
User :   hello dr
Doctor :   Yes
User :   is it Dr.?
Doctor :   Pleaase proceed
Doctor :   I am Dr.
User :   hello dr.
User :   i wanted to discuss with you regarding my chronic headaches
Doctor :   If you want to speak to Dr. XXXXXXXX you can login again after an hour
User :   no its ok....... you can too help me out....
User :   this has been happening for quite long years, say about 15 years or so....and i have seen many physicians in this regard
User :   including a neurologist
User :   last year
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   Did they arrive at some diagnosis?
User :   i work in have to sit quite a lot of time in front of computers
User :   yea, he said its a type of vascular headache
User :   and he prescribed these medicines
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   What are those?
User :   after checking my MRI of brain and MRI Cervical spine, having found them normal
User :   Betacap Plus, Twin OD, XXXXXXXX EZ, TElistic
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   When were they prescribed?
User :   last year
User :   and i took them for almost a year or so......
Doctor :   Are you still continuing on them
User :   but still the headaches persists........
User :   and i lost the followup couple of months back and not taking the tablets
User :   its usually cyclical in nature.....comes usually once in a week
User :   starts out very intense when i wake up in the morning and persists until the evening or so
Doctor :   Ok
User :   if i take a pain tablets, like Migranil or something like that and take rest in a cool environment, it subsides and starts to alleviate
Doctor :   You have to get rechecked
Doctor :   again from the Doctor
User :   i usually have physical activities in the evening like playing badminton etc for couple of hours etc to relax
Doctor :   Good
Doctor :   continue on that
Doctor :   It is been long time you have been taking the medicines
User :   this is kind of off and on of taking medicines.....started taking seriously the above medicines when i visited the neurologist
User :   but even while i was taking the medicines i used to have those but with less intensity
User :   and in less cyles, though instead of weekly, in 101-15 days so
User :   that why i stopped taking them
User :   as they were too costly too
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   What is your age now?
User :   can you suggest what can be the problem and what i am required to do
User :   32 years
Doctor :   When was the last time you got the BP check done?
User :   headaches usually starts from my neck and radiates upwards to the head and eyes
User :   used to check that occasionally, its a bit higher than normal, 90-130
User :   but used to be in control when taking the medications
User :   80-120
Doctor :   The stoppage of blood pressure and diabetic medicines can cause these rebound headaches
Doctor :   That is not proper
User :   ok
Doctor :   The headache could be a reason of high Blood pressure
Doctor :   Get the BP, Pulse and HbA1C test done today
Doctor :   and get back to me
User :   ok
Doctor :   I think you have to revisit a general physician and get a check up done
Doctor :   That is the only way
User :   ok
Doctor :   You do not need to see a Neurologist
Doctor :   Which city are you in?
User :   and also if I continuosly look upwards or downlards for say about 10 min or so, my neck really starts to hurt bad
User :   I'm in
Doctor :   Ok
User :   is there someone in city who you can refer i can go to
User :   ok
Doctor :   Call them up and fix an appointment
User :   ok
User :   can you just suggest some neck exercises or something like that in order to relieve the neck huting....some simple exercises
Doctor :   Simple and slow rotation of the neck eases the spasm
Doctor :   The neck pain is mainly because of long work infront of a computer
User :   yea
User :   k
Doctor :   You should take frequent breaks while your work in front of a computer, atleast once in 30 minutes
Doctor :   Get up from chair and walk
User :   ok
Doctor :   I think this can help you
Doctor :   Please get back to me in case of any other doubts
Doctor :   thanks and bye for now.
User :   ok thank you dr.
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