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Misunderstanding leading to disharmony in the family - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Very Good Posted in: Mental Health
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2009
Answered : 681 Questions
User :   My brother and parents are having a strained relationship. Brother is married and works in US. Parents are retired and stay in India. Parents feel that their son doesnot behave as per expectation. Whereas brother has developed a feeling since childhood that no matter what he does, his parents will never be happy with his achievements and they donot love him. I having talked to both of them, know that most of these are misunderstandings but am not able to get rid of these long-imbibed thoughts from their minds. Please help me and my family.
Doctor :   Hi
Doctor :   Dr XXXX here
User :   Hi Doctor
Doctor :   let me read ur query , it may take a few minutes
User :   ok
Doctor :   may i know whats the age of both your parents and ur brother ?
Doctor :   please let me know whats ur age as well
User :   brother is 31
User :   i am 23
Doctor :   Are u at home in India, with ur parents ?
User :   yes, right now we all at home in india for diwali
Doctor :   ok
User :   mom is 55 and dad is 59
Doctor :   This situation of misunderstanding is very common and widespread in any society and more so in indian families
Doctor :   are u a student ?
User :   no, i am XXXX
Doctor :   Do u have arguments most of the time in the family ? or do they get along fine ?
User :   I am working
User :   there are arguments quite a few times.... and then after some time it gets calm
Doctor :   U need to keep away from their conflicts
User :   yes... that is what i do
Doctor :   as taking a side or trying to mediate will not work in most situations
Doctor :   let them try to resolve their differences themselves
User :   but i know both sides
Doctor :   they need to take a initiative, to sit down and listen to each others expectations and needs
User :   brother recalls incidents from his school life and says they have never been happy with his achievments
User :   actually mom dad are kind of in non-receptive mood...
Doctor :   as parents and having age differences, your parents may have stingent expectations and may be comparing your brother to their cousins or any one else
Doctor :   what do u mean by - non receptive mood ?
User :   they feel they are always right
Doctor :   thats the main factor of friction,
Doctor :   So u cant help them in any way
User :   and are not ready to accept the changes as per new ways of thinking
Doctor :   get out of the conflict zone and ask them that u cant help them resolve their issues
User :   they donot ask me...
Doctor :   if u try to get in between and try to be the mediator, then you will be torn in 2 or more parts
User :   they have never asked me to be a middleman.... its just that they have opened up in front me
Doctor :   I understand the situation, and they feel that they need someone to fall back on
User :   hmm...
Doctor :   but, they need to understand, they they need to respect and honor the aspirations of their son
User :   but is there somehitng that i can suggest them to consult a family psycologist to resolve this issues?
Doctor :   also if they continue to disrespect ur bro, then he is going to get more indifferent and try to go separate
Doctor :   you can do that , as its the best way
Doctor :   but in that case, all have to be willing participants and need to have a open mind
User :   brother is ready,... he himself is thinking of such options
Doctor :   all have to forget past issues, and begin freshly
User :   Dad himself is a doctor... he is a physical
User :   sorry... physician
Doctor :   past issues and thoughts, can cause more friction, and more arguments
User :   hmm,... but for my brother ... what i think is... some things have got imbibed in mind when he was a child
User :   and that has affected.... i think that would be difficult to get rid of?
Doctor :   your father as a physician, must be well aware of mind psychology and as he is well educated , he should be aware that kids should be given their independence and freedom to grow
User :   yes he is ... he has guided so many... but i dont know why he himself is not understanding this
Doctor :   Your brother, needs counselling, and guidance that in any issues, that he faces in his life, his parents will be there to support him a
Doctor :   your bro , has to forget his past issues and this is possible by counselling
Doctor :   past issues can stop progress and cause psychological as well future development as well
User :   hmm...
Doctor :   i think in your case - a family counselling will help
User :   can u give me some conatcts of family consultants?
Doctor :   if both parties dont agree, then its better for u, to be a indifferent party
User :   yes.. i will make that a point
Doctor :   may i know where you reside ?
User :   we reside at XXXX.. near XXXX
User :   but even XXXX would be fine for us
User :   brother is going back to US on the 10th of this month
Doctor :   it may take some time, to get the exact info, by myself, and if possible i will get back to u on your email ID
User :   yes that would be good
User :   my email is : YYYY@YYYY
Doctor :   but u can get necessary info, by browsing on our home page as well as the internet itself
Doctor :   you can see a psychiatrist for family counselliog
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