Mental disorder - Online Doctor Chats

User :   I am a 29 yr old female. I have been suffering from this most of my life. i feel like i have no control over my emotions. when i am upset, i want to think logically but i can t seem to get to that part of my mind because my emotions take control of me. often when i feel wronged in some way, or nervous in a tough situation, i shut down because either i know i will react badly or somehow i feel like i caused it or made it worse and end up beating myself up about where i failed. i feel very defensive around people. i am afraid of many social settings because i feel like i may overreact or not react at all. sort of like i'm constantly in survival mode. situations that other people can handle, i cannot. even when i m very happy sometimes i feel like i have no control of that either. I constantly feel like i have to protect myself and have a difficult time processing things. sometimes it takes me hours or days to understand what just happened in a situation. sometimes i relive it over and over to see if there was a better way to handle it, and often wonder why i couldn't get to that solution in the first place. (i am speaking of conflicts). as a child i did suffer abuse (physical, mental, emotional and sexual) and abandonment. i have been in foster care and my parents went to jail for drugs and child abuse. I was diagnosed with ptsd and major depressive disorder as a teenager. tried medication but it seemed to destroy my inner drive to be productive. I have tried stress mgt, anger mgt, and positive thinking(which helped some) but i cannot seem to shake the feelings of being overwhelmed. most people tell me i m a walking miracle for what i have been through, but i feel inadequate still. often i talk to people about problems i encounter because i can t figure out how to deal with it. it ends up becoming an obsession, and almost always ends badly. it s depressing me (sometimes
User :   i can t sleep, eat, concentrate, enjoy my life, etc) and it has ruined many things for me. I have recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship and can't even figure out what happened there either. I am deployed to iraq, and have limited resources for this type of problem but i have come forward to talk with the doctors about it. also i pray and have started to keep a journal. is there any help for me? i just want to feel some peace and inner calm.
Doctor :   Hi,
User :   hi doc
Doctor :   Let me read your query for few minutes to be able to have a good discussion here
Doctor :   ok, Are you employed ?
User :   yes. military going on 7 years.
Doctor :   is your work good enough to keep you busy al the time ?
User :   sometimes. i do have a lot of downtime here lately.
Doctor :   so hoe do you feel when you are busy and engaged in work of your interest ?
User :   well, honestly i can't concentrate on work. i do get involved but i can't seem to take my mind off of things that bother me.
Doctor :   does this happen when you are with the work of your interest ?
User :   lately, yes. but i think i have just been upset about my relationship ending. i was very attached to the person and have found it difficult to move on.
Doctor :   these are the trigger factors , you are only psychologically ill , but not somatically ( organically )
User :   which is most likely why medication does not work.
Doctor :   hence with history like this it would not be a good choice to take risk with emotions like the relationships
User :   it's true, i didn't know how to handle things with him.
User :   this seems to happen all the time, i am terrified of getting close to anyone. i feel extremely uncomfortable around people. i have trouble sitting at a dinner table with a family.
User :   i feel defensive around people and have no control of it.
Doctor :   its merely how you take them , if you take them seriously then you become conscious , just consider them as acquaintance rather than a close company
User :   so don't take anyone seriously?
Doctor :   yes, other than professional issues , specially avoid relationships
User :   thanks for your help.