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Mental depression after being separated from a loved one - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Very Good Posted in: Depression
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 1774 Questions
Doctor :   Hi
Doctor :   How can I help you?
User :   About a week ago saturday my girlfriend came by and said we needed a break she did say and i asked why she couldnt anwser but i notice distance in the last couple of weeks
Doctor :   Ok
User :   and she looked depression i couldnt understand but said i would give her her space
User :   hard after 2 years of seeing each other with no problems at all not fights disagrements andthing
Doctor :   Ok
User :   so i let it go for about 2 hours but went and seen her and ask what is it she said didnt no
User :   little eye contact
User :   but to cut this short
Doctor :   Ok
User :   a couple of days later a friend went and talked with her she had been out of meds for 45 days cause she couldnt afford them
User :   so he gave he money and said get them tomorrow
User :   she did that
User :   and the dr. told her that she should be on a scale of 10 she should be between 7-10 and she was a -0
User :   and she doesnt want me to contact her she said she needed to deal with this herself
User :   and i told her she doesnt have to im here for you
Doctor :   Ok
User :   she didnt have to do it alone
User :   and i asked is there a u and I and a future everything was i I Don Know anwswer
Doctor :   Ok
User :   I love this woman and im trying so hard to give her space
User :   but i just dont know what to do its driving me crazy now
User :   i want to see her call her
User :   but im trying not to
Doctor :   Ok
User :   but im still wanting her to know im here
User :   i did last night send her a text saying thinking of you im here for you Love you
User :   What am i to do ?
User :   Its just really working on me
User :   I cant walk away from her love her to much
User :   and she hasnt said i dont want to see you but she doesnt want me to contact her
User :   and she knows i want to married her and thats what she wanted
User :   and i thought right now wasnt the right time
Doctor :   It is likely that she is unhappy with few things,
User :   but yet she said she thought it would happen by now
Doctor :   which may not be exactly you.
Doctor :   I mean the cause may not be exactly you or the relationship.
User :   hello u here
Doctor :   You may speak to her close friends or her collegues to find what exactly the problem is.
User :   well her daughter is off to college in 2 weeks and shes never been apart from her but shes only 4 hours away
User :   and shes got some finances in the way but she wont let me help
Doctor :   I am happy to know that you love her very much.
Doctor :   And that she is equally committed in her relationship with you.
User :   yeah but how long do i stay away
User :   there was a 4 day stretch at the beginning i didnt contact her
User :   when she asked for the break
Doctor :   If it was the depression that was the cause, it would take atleast fortnight to 20 days
Doctor :   for the symptoms to improve.
User :   the tuesday she will have been on the meds for 7 days
User :   i saw her last friday
Doctor :   But I do not feel that the cause could be depression.
Doctor :   I suggest that you give her a weeks time.
User :   and im trying to wait til at lest tuesday or wednesday before i contact her
Doctor :   She will understand your love and things would work out better.
User :   well she started last tuesday tomorrow will be a week on the meds
User :   well i know the day after she got her meds i stopped by cause i hadnt seen her in 4 days and asked what is it and we both said we think we didnt commmuticate good
User :   i think we assumed things
User :   and i asked do you think we have a chance to fix this she said i dont know
User :   is some of the uncertain answers she gave me be because of being off the meds so lone
User :   long
Doctor :   Love and affection is stronger than any antidepressant medications.
Doctor :   We doctor recommend care from family member and friends while treating depression.
Doctor :   I feel you be strong in showing her the love.
User :   So would you say that she does know that i am here and want to go throught this with her
Doctor :   I mean your love to her.
Doctor :   May be not now, but sooner she will respond to you.
User :   i know but then shes asking me to stay away for now
User :   i feel helpless
Doctor :   In the mean time, you can contact any of her friends or collegues to find if there is a second reason for this indifferent behaviour.
User :   so what is the best i can do for her right now , cause its making me just sit do nothing cry at times and i dont want to get depressed
Doctor :   Send her cards or flowers expressing your love and your intentions. Tell her that you will always be on her side in every circumstances.
User :   i did get a card yesterday sating thinking of you im here for you but didnt want to send yet cause i saw her friday for a bit and she said she felt as tho i wasnt giving her a break cause i did see her wednesday also but that was it for the week
Doctor :   Since you say that she was equally committed in her relation,
Doctor :   I presume that there is something which she doesn't want you to know yet.
User :   we were committed to each other
Doctor :   This can happen to lot of people when they love someone.
User :   so theres something she wants to share but not sure about telling me?
Doctor :   She may not want you to be hurt.
User :   well i know her daughter has told me that im the first guy who has treaated her very nice other guys and Ex husband abused her
User :   and she told me her ex's were mean to her
Doctor :   I would advice you to give her break, yet continue to send her cards and flowers once in a while.
Doctor :   Direct texts or direct meetings may make her feel that you are not giving her the break which she wants now.
User :   ok not sure how long i can go with it cause i just miss her so much and love her so much and want her to know it
Doctor :   So an indirect way to make her feel you are there to support her and love her always
User :   explain ..what u mean indirect? meaning by a card and flowers?
Doctor :   Yes, by indirect, I meant cards and flowers through mail or a second person.
Doctor :   to make sure that she feels you are there besides her to support her in all her needs.
User :   ok thanks. i guess time will tell for me if i can get through this
Doctor :   Over some time, she would come out with her problems.
Doctor :   I would have done this, if I was in your shoes.
User :   ok
User :   but would you
User :   say our relationship has a good chance of wtill being there
Doctor :   If love exists amongst you, she will definitely respond to you.
User :   ok im just getting confused you would have done what im sorry
Doctor :   I mean, if I were to be in your position and want my loved ones to know that I am there, I would have done the same thing which I suggested.
Doctor :   I can understand your feelings,
User :   so just hold steady and what then
User :   and wait
User :   not what
Doctor :   Yes. She will respond to you, if not immediately, but sooner.
User :   ok just afraid im losing her i know ive read that during depression there saying things they dont mean at times
Doctor :   Depression is an illness of the mind, which can change with love, care and affection.
Doctor :   They can cure a depressed person.
Doctor :   Medications only improve the symptoms.
Doctor :   So continue expressing your love indirectly by cards, flowers and mails.
User :   so pretty much about somethings she said last week that seemed hurtful may not really be from her?
Doctor :   Her conditions will improve and she will respond to you.
User :   so one more thing
Doctor :   When you have been strongly and deeply committed for the last 2 years, the current episode of depression won't break that love.
Doctor :   so be positive.
User :   shes going out of town to take her daughter to scholl next week and id like to stay at her house and watch it for her as i have in the past with her dogs is it ok i ask to
Doctor :   I feel it is better to be associated with her indirectly during this time, since she doesn't want direct contacts with you for some time.
Doctor :   She may not like your idea of staying at her home now.
User :   ok didnt know cause i had in the past when she was gone
Doctor :   In simple words, you need to restart your love fresh.
Doctor :   Be positive. Love can cure depression.
User :   ok thanks very much Doctor
Doctor :   You are welcome.
Doctor :   Thanks for consulting me.
User :   you gave me a bit of hope for us
Doctor :   Bye for now.
User :   thank you bye
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