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Low sex drive because of psychological factors - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 21-Feb-2012
User rating for this question
Very Good Posted in: Men Sexual Problems
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 40 Questions
User :   Hi whoever reads this, I have not used this site before, but just found it on google in a search for quick help. I am a bit concerned about my sex drive (or lack of it). I'm 21 years old, been with my girlfriend for 3½ year. I can be in the mood for a short time, but when it comes to actual intercourse I will lose interest, though not on a physical level - everything works like it should down there. Rather a mental block or lack of interest. It has always been like that. And we have not had sex or any intimacy for whoever knows how long. It's not that I do not "want" her, I just feel like my sex drive is low or unstable. Nothing unattractive about my girlfriend, she's everything I prefer on both a physical level and intellectually, mentally etc.
What could my problems be related to?
Doctor :   Hi
Doctor :   let me read the query
User :   Sure thing.
Doctor :   From when you have this lack of interest(low sex drive)
User :   It's always been like that
User :   I first experienced it when I was just turning 15
Doctor :   ok
User :   Had met a girl etc. but when we were about to move further on than just holding hands... and when just about to actually move to the intercourse stage, I just couldn't do it.
User :   not physically, but mentally
Doctor :   ok
User :   So it never moved on from there, and we went to sleep.
User :   Though, physically speaking I probably could have gone on with it
Doctor :   may i know your height and weight ?
User :   179 cm and about 90 kg
User :   Gained about 15 kg when I stopped playing football due to injuries
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   do you have the habit of consuming alcohol ? smoking, etc ..
User :   I drink a few beers every other week when watching football at the pub, but nothing more than 3-4 beers.
User :   No smoking either
Doctor :   are you on any medications ?
User :   None what so ever
Doctor :   do you have any problem with the relation ?
User :   We do have our issues, and small things have been adding up. I've been telling myself that shouldn't be a reason though. Things (sexually) have been worse since we moved in together. We do tend to inspire eachother to be lazier than when being away from eachother etc
Doctor :   how is the hair growth on face, chest, arm pit, pubic hair ?
User :   The unfortunate circumstances is that my girlfriend went ahead and slept with somebody the other day when having been out for a drink with this friend. I know nothing justifies that, but given the circumstances I can understand why she did it. I'm willing to work on my problem and get things back going. I hope she is too. No matter what though, the problem would remain if I did nothing about it and it would haunt me in any other relationship too.
User :   I grew a beard when I wasn't all that old. Bit premature on all those things. But it has since slowed down, so beard etc doesn't grow that quickly.
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   you seems to have more of psychological factors than physical factors for the low sex drive
Doctor :   physical factors include overweight.
Doctor :   you need to undergo few blood tests
Doctor :   the testosterone hormone levels in blood along with complete blood count and urine routine
User :   Yes, I was suspecting that. Unfortunately I have yet to call my own doctor who is closed for today. There will probably be some waiting time too though. So I thought I would go ahead and ask here for some advice.
Doctor :   yes i shall help you
Doctor :   you need to undergo the above said tests and get them when it is possible at earliest
Doctor :   you need to bring down your weight
User :   The last I am working on
User :   I am by no means...ehr.. fat though
User :   have always been
User :   "big boned"
User :   I don't know the exact words for it
User :   wide shoulders etc
Doctor :   muscular ?
User :   Yes
User :   That too
User :   though that has faded since I stopped playing football
Doctor :   what is the waist size ?
User :   I only know it in cm, mind you
Doctor :   yes in cms only
User :   about 93 cm
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   start exercising regularly to keep the body in shape and the mind to be healthy
Doctor :   there is some issues which is going on in your relation
Doctor :   identify them
Doctor :   and discuss this with your girl friend
User :   We discussed these yesterday, but are currently having a time-out to think things through
User :   Me to work on my problems too that is
Doctor :   what did you discuss with her and how was her response ?\
User :   We both agreed to everything discussed. Basically that we need to be less lazy, do things together instead of apart, but still have time apart anyway... but we've been an "old couple" for far, far too long.
Doctor :   do you still feel bad that your girl friend had an unfortunate circumstance with some body else
User :   I feel bad, but not angry. I know the reasons, and I know hat in some ways I'm partly to blame.
Doctor :   you need to work out together
Doctor :   for your problems you first rule out the organic cause by getting the investigations done
User :   I'm not sure if my time has run out, I tried to rechagem but not too sure what happened.
User :   Arh, there it was.
User :   I know it's not to be too personal, but I want to show you a picture of myself, so to better relate to the weight discussion, if that is alright?
Doctor :   yes you can
User :   Now, fully clothed etc. So it doesn't reveal much, but I think it gives a clearer picture.
User :   WWW.WWWW.WW User :   If it's possible for you to see that.
Doctor :   one sec
User :   Sure thing
Doctor :   yes i could see
User :   I agree though, and I've been wanting to get back to the weight from footballing days (which is now about 7 years back though).
Doctor :   and the weight for your height is ok
Doctor :   i could see the photo
User :   Thanks. Thought it might give a clearer picture. People often say: "90 kg!? No way"
User :   But exercise in general is healthy, yes.
Doctor :   you look muscular
Doctor :   probably you need to get the blood test done soon
User :   Unfortunately my bad knee swells up if I use it too much.
User :   Which is a whole other issue, but one I have adressed before.
User :   If I run 5 km it takes some days before the swelling goes away. Which means I need to find other methods for exercising
Doctor :   ok
Doctor :   do not worry
Doctor :   you are still 21
Doctor :   i could sense low in your voice
Doctor :   be positive in attitude
Doctor :   that is what matters
User :   Yes
Doctor :   try to take out good thing from the worst of the situation
Doctor :   do not let yourself down
User :   Yes. I can agree to that.
User :   Is it possible that it is a problem that can be adressed my any form of medicine?
User :   I've not been raised in the belief that medicine is the answer for anything, so it's kind of out there for me. Opposite of my girlfriends family
User :   so I know nothing about it
Doctor :   for that the blood test needs to be known
Doctor :   if the testosterone levels are low and or prolactine hormone is high than with medicines it can be treated
Doctor :   if they are normal probably you have a mental block with your girl friend and you both needs counseling
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