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Counselling for marital issues and extra marital affair - Online Doctor Chats

Date : 13-Jan-2012
User rating for this question
Very Good Posted in: Mental Health
Answered by

General & Family Physician
Practicing since : 2004
Answered : 1777 Questions
User :   hello
Doctor :   Hi
Doctor :   How can I help you?
User :   I just need some advise from psychologist.
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   I am a General Practitioner, I believe I can help you within my expertise and If required I shall recommend a specialist.
User :   Actually i want to talk about my husband and my life
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   Please go ahead.
User :   I got married in october 2007. My hubby had a love affair before that
Doctor :   Ok
User :   My hubby was not interested in marriage, and he was compelled to marry me
Doctor :   Ok
User :   from the day of my marriage i am not happy with him
Doctor :   Ok
User :   When i was 3 months pregnant i came to know this affair. The problem was he was that time still talking to her saying her as a friennd
User :   he did not know that i knew it
User :   after 1 year i told him
User :   that i knew it
Doctor :   Ok
User :   he is not sharing with me anything
User :   he is not open hearted to me. I begged him to love me
Doctor :   Have you tried talking to him as a friend?
User :   he often goes upset and if he does he wil not speak to me or to anyone else even for days
Doctor :   Ok
User :   no he doesnt speak openly to anyone
Doctor :   Ok
User :   to everyone he behaves this way
User :   he always keeps mailing her
User :   asking her to keep in touch
Doctor :   The first thing here is do you love your husband and do you want to make this marriage work?
User :   he doesnot allow me to see his mails
User :   he says he always wants privacy
User :   yes i do love my husband, that is why i am trying him to love his family
Doctor :   Ok]
Doctor :   Then the first thing you should do is try to make him feel comfortable. Try to be his friend first.
Doctor :   Start slowly.
User :   but i often feel live to commit suicide, because i cant live with him like this, and also i dont like to leave himj alone.
Doctor :   As he had strong feelings towards her it would take time for him, to come to terms with the fact.
User :   yes thats what i am trying to do. Whenever he is upset i try to talk with him, but he either does not respong to me, or just walks away from me
Doctor :   I suggest that you give him time
Doctor :   Make him feel as comfortable as possible, give him his space.
User :   i am ashamed of saying this, he does not even have romance in mind, Basic kissing, hugging etc
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   Yes that happens
User :   thinking of all this i think he is not interested to live with me. But are having a kid 1 year old
User :   not even once.
Doctor :   If you want to make this work, you have to remain strong and patient.
User :   i am remaining patient only all the time..But how long can i do so
User :   I too want to live like others, happily
Doctor :   Yes.
User :   but i only get frustrated as the days goes
Doctor :   Try to give him his space, start by building up your own life.
User :   space in the sense?
User :   you know, he just wants his computer for the whole time, if he is in house
Doctor :   You should let him talk to you on his own, when he is in a bad mood and wants to be left alone, leave him alone
User :   he just tries to get some friends, especially girls, and tries to chat with them
Doctor :   try talking to him when he is calmed down
User :   but when he is calmed down , i am afraid to talk anything related to that, because there are more chances for him to go upset again
Doctor :   Dont talk about anything related to that
Doctor :   just talk something in general, something pleasant.
User :   so all the time only this happens, i think to talk, but i just dont want him to be upset again and then will not take that matter
Doctor :   try to spend some quality time with him
Doctor :   alone
User :   we are alone only all the time
Doctor :   Ok
User :   he does not even talk about his college experience, his family matters which he discusses with his family
Doctor :   You should try and communicate with him, try to be his friend try to understand his interests
User :   when someone others in the family says any issues i feel bad that my husband is not saying this to me
User :   i am fed up of saying all my feelings to him
Doctor :   Ok
User :   even his brothers does not talk anything like this, knowing his character
User :   like his behaviour
Doctor :   Then may be you should consider talking to a marriage counsellor regarding this
User :   i really confused to take my next step
Doctor :   and discuss with him whether he is interested in the marriage or not.
User :   i cannot live like this all my life
User :   please tell me what can i do?
Doctor :   I suggest that you try talking to him and ask him what he thinks abouit the marriage, try to take the help of any trusted family member. If that is not working
Doctor :   then you both may have to see a marriage counsellor and work out your differences
User :   he says marriage is only companionship, nothing else
User :   he says dont expect anything from me
User :   he always says expectation only leads to frustration
Doctor :   Ok
Doctor :   Then may be you need to get some elders intervene and talk to him
User :   ok fine doctor, thanks a lot for your advise.
User :   i will try to do
Doctor :   Please fill the feedback form say done when done
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