OK so here is the deal, my whole life as far as i can remember i have been an emotionless, shallow, uncaring person. Nothing to do with my child hood, it was great. This has just been the way I am for some reason. I mean seriously you could blow someones head off in front of me an my response would be that sucks and walk away, my father always told me i would make the perfect soldier in the military.. I m not crazy, depressed or any of that dumb stuff. Just empty/emotionless inside. But the one day my friend hands me this pill, well it was a pain killer that changed me like no other. I loved my job, my friends, was very open, caring, had emotions, I was a completely different person, i felt......human. Well it lasted a month an was like forget this i m not gonna be a junkie. So back to the blah me, month later another friend hands me a Valium. Well, it didn t make me as happy/outgoing as the painkillers but little things wouldn t bother me, controlled my temper, i was very relaxed and easy going. Gave up on that for same reason then maybe 2 months later a friend said try this, it was Xanax. Well it gave me some feelings/emotions, was pretty happy, relaxed, could hold conversations and hang out with friends again. So once again i said screw this now almost 2 months later i m back to the same emotionless asshole. Out of all 3, the painkillers worked the best, they made me feel a lot more amazing versus the other 2. Oh also, when not on any of those i am a very quite person, i try to avoid conversation and when hanging out with friends i usually just sit there, all 3 meds made me pretty talkative. And one other thing, this one could be because ive done it for a few years now, but i can not fall asleep unless i smoke about half a bowl of weed before bed, which is fine. About me a little bit, I have a very good job, im actually quite happy with my life, I have done quite well for myself, so why am I like this, what is wrong me. Like i said im not depressed or anything, im just a quite person that doesn t really care about much of anything or want to do much of anything unless im on some kind of drugs (i was this way before the drugs). And not being on any of those drugs days seem to last forever, my 8 hour shifts at work seem like 15. Is there something mentally wrong with me, is this normal in a lot of people. What kind of doctor would i see about this kind of thing and what do i tell them and what kinda crazy shit are they gonna try and give. Ive seen all those commericals for antidepressant meds and that kinda junk but like i said im not depressed. So whats out there for whatever i am.