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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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What Is The Possibility Of Changing The Mental Balance After A Therapy?

i have been in a relationship married for 15 years. he used to beat me first then he used to say sorry. but i felt that sometimes its my fault because i too shout at him sometimes. however, last couple of years it got worse, he stop me seeing my frineds, calls them prostitues. and also i have to get home if i\ go anywhere before 9pm initially then it became 8pm. if i come home about 5 mins then he wont open the door then i had to bed. Last incident i had was he was cleaning the kitchen, then he found some dirt which i left on the kitchen board from the bread toaster. he told me that i have not cleaned, i said what the just leave it i will clean when i can. for that he came and hit my neck once, he was not satisfied, he hit me so hart i thought i burst my ear drum... and head was aching for few days. After that one day i went to colleage for a short course i told him i have cooked everything that i will be home late, for that he was not happy he told me not to come so i went to hostal and then move out following day. he didnt ask me to come home immediately but after 1 week when he realised that i am not going back he start to beg now i have bought a house, but i talk to him, its been a year and 4 months since i left him. Somehowe, now we talk and he expects me to come home. i told him lets go on a holiday and see how you behave then will decide. when we went to america last month he was not very different, but a bit tolerent. he says he has changed, and i wind him up thats why he behaved like that. he asked me for no reason whether i am blind.. anyway he went for some therapy for 9 months... last year i was very sure of what i want to do.. which is devorcing him.. now i am confused.. should i give him a chance. most probably i m feeling like this because i am lone, i bought a house on shared owner ship and living here and have some problem with the house too.. Dr. what do you think i should do, will this kind of people change?
Thu, 24 Jan 2013
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General & Family Physician,  's  Response
Hello and welcome,

Thanks for your query.

First of all, physical abuse cannot be tolerated no matter what. If it happened once, I advise people to over-look it. But, anything more than that is serious business.

Yes men are usually frustrated with work and responsibilities, but there is no excuse to treat another human being that way.

Now, I hope your hearing and head is fine, I hope you do not suffer from decreased hearing or headaches or any symptoms after he abused you physically. If so, please get yourself checked.

I understand he has made an initiative to try to correct himself, that is the first step after realization, and I am happy he has done that. But, it is still not safe enough to be around him.

Please do not go back to him just because you have problems with your house, or financially, it will never be worth it.

Try to sort your financial and residential issues, without even thinking about depending on him. Take as much time as possible to trust him.

Do not jump to any conclusions, you have suffered enough.

Also, observe his behavior without telling him about your observations. Meet and talk to him more often so you can learn more about him and make an informed decision about returning to him or not.

A man who has done so much wrong to you cannot do anything worse, as this is the worst. So do not settle for any behavior less than good behavior just because it is better than his previous behavior.

I personally don't think such people can change much, but we should give him one chance.

Do not move in with him till you are completely sure about him and his behavior, because it will be very difficult to get out again.

Also, if he really has changed, learn to let go of all old memories of him and his behavior. If you do not do this, you can never be happy with him.

Please be very careful with everything you do. You have a million choices out there, and you are always the best judge, do not take anyone's word for it.

I wish you a happy life, and lots of luck. You can always write back to us for any help you need.

Regards.
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What Is The Possibility Of Changing The Mental Balance After A Therapy?

Hello and welcome, Thanks for your query. First of all, physical abuse cannot be tolerated no matter what. If it happened once, I advise people to over-look it. But, anything more than that is serious business. Yes men are usually frustrated with work and responsibilities, but there is no excuse to treat another human being that way. Now, I hope your hearing and head is fine, I hope you do not suffer from decreased hearing or headaches or any symptoms after he abused you physically. If so, please get yourself checked. I understand he has made an initiative to try to correct himself, that is the first step after realization, and I am happy he has done that. But, it is still not safe enough to be around him. Please do not go back to him just because you have problems with your house, or financially, it will never be worth it. Try to sort your financial and residential issues, without even thinking about depending on him. Take as much time as possible to trust him. Do not jump to any conclusions, you have suffered enough. Also, observe his behavior without telling him about your observations. Meet and talk to him more often so you can learn more about him and make an informed decision about returning to him or not. A man who has done so much wrong to you cannot do anything worse, as this is the worst. So do not settle for any behavior less than good behavior just because it is better than his previous behavior. I personally don t think such people can change much, but we should give him one chance. Do not move in with him till you are completely sure about him and his behavior, because it will be very difficult to get out again. Also, if he really has changed, learn to let go of all old memories of him and his behavior. If you do not do this, you can never be happy with him. Please be very careful with everything you do. You have a million choices out there, and you are always the best judge, do not take anyone s word for it. I wish you a happy life, and lots of luck. You can always write back to us for any help you need. Regards.