I have a strange sort of situation I hope you can help me out with. Okay, so, I went through a rough patch between 2009-2010. I felt sick all the time, lost about 40lbs or so and had a pretty stressful job. Within that year stretch, I found out that I have Celiac Disease, the reason for my weight loss and anxiety-ridden thoughts. As I switched to a g-free diet, I started feeling better, my compulsive habits (eating at certain hours, getting onto the scale several times a day etc.) began to subside as well. I am obsessed with order, neatness and can still become anxious when things are out of place or crooked, but not as bad as I had been before. Jumping ahead now to 2013. I had one of the worse Celiac reaction in May and had to go to the hospital due to bloody stool (sorry for the graphics ). Celiac has done crazy things to my periods too, once causing it to disappear for 6months and now causing it to last for 48days sometimes. Due to this, I became anemic, but was tested for several things, including Multiple Sclerosis and Diabetes because of the numbness I was feeling among other symptoms. As of the end of 2013, I went on new Birth Control and my cycle is finally back to normal. Every since going through that with Celiac, my whole thought process changed. There are still times where I feel like I am looking through myself and into this life I m living like a spectator. I eat food that I enjoy, but think of it as fuel rather than something pleasurable. I thought that made sense until my sister told me that it seemed cold to view it that way. When I am told that I may have something serious, I become happier than I would be if I was told that I don t. I never really sat with my thoughts until a little while back and noticed that I seem to want something wrong with me again. I don t know why! It s not for attention, as far as I know, I kept the idea of possible MS and Diabetes to myself and obsessively researched them online. I seem to be almost competing with myself, like I want something horrible to happen to prove to my body that my mind is stronger than it and willing for the challenge. There are times I ll be sitting there, watching reality and wondering if something bad was to happen and how it would change things. On occasion, when I pass over a bridge I think, what if we suddenly lost control and fell over the side. I m not sure where these thoughts are coming from, but how am I supposed to distinguish them as bad thoughts when they make up most of my thinking in a day? They are me! So, I image that you must think I m an attention seeker and should just go hang out with friends or something. However, I need some guidance to know whether I should speak to someone about how I feel or is this just me wanting to think that I have something wrong I should talk about. Can you see my dilemma?