hi im 20 years old gave birth to my first child august 2010 after goin 11 days over my due date. so the hospital induced me they gave me a tablet to rippen the cervix but nothing happened so my partner went home leaving me at the hospital on my own as they sed they wud ring him if they wer to do anything else or if sumat happened well bowt 9pm they came an sed they wer goin to pop my waters so i agreed. when they did my waters where green. i was in labour 2 hours and it was fine i only felt like i needed to go for a poo then i started to bleed i am still not sure why but at the time i thought it was normal so i was rushed to a room of my own and got given a needle to numb my vagina and then they cut me they sed they needed to pull my baby out with a ventose so i agreed not really knowing what was happening. my daughter finally arrived at 12.07am and she was beautiful and healthy. after she was born they asked if i wanted to hold her and i refused because i felt weak numb and my arms wer like jelly i was scared of dropping her . then a doctor came to stitch me back up and to see if my utrus was returning to its normal size but it wasnt and he said i had clots in my belly so i started to panic as i know that blood clots can travel and kill you instantly .the doctor was trying his hardest to remove the blood clots from my belly through my vagina. after he did that he stitched me back up and i was made some toast and some tea and mentioned to one of the midwifes that i felt dizzy and faint . the next thing i remember was waking up laying down on a bed with people rushing around me. i asked what had happened and know one replied i though i had died and they had brought me back to life but apparently i didnt i had just fainted. they put me on drips inserted a catatear and kept an eye on me until my partner arrived i was so terrified i brushed it off at the time as i was so exhausted but then when i came home from hospital i felt constantly ill i was over protective with my daughter but didnt really want to bother i love her to bits and im not as bad anymore but i get panic attacks i constantly feel ill i get headaches then worry ther e brain tumours, i get belly ache and think i have stomach cancer . i even feel faint and dizzy but i have had this since i was about 14 and my eyes would be open but every thing would go black nothing has been diagnosed and my doctors is rubbish to be honest. i have suffered with minor depression but i think its back bigger and stronger and its here to stay i dunno what happened since i gave birth to my daughter but i have not felt right i dont even go out with my friend i worry to much and if i leave my daughter with my partner or a family member i feel guilty. i dont enjoy what i used to and feel this is taking over my life i have been told by a councillor i have ocd , and health anxiety but i need to get rid of it for my daughters sake, to save my relationship with my partner and because i am pregnant again i am terrified it will all happen again or i will get worse and have my babys taken off me or be commited i have come to the point where im that scared of dying i have thought about ending it myself so i dont upset others along with myself . i wouldnt do it because i have nt got the guts but im worried it could get that bad that i dont think of the consiquences of leaving every one i love . i need to know what medications the best and whats best to take whilst you are pregnant. please help me i have know one else to turn to