My husband (50) had knee surgery in June, and ankle surgery in early December. has taken pain meds since first surgery (both were cartilage implants) so he could not put pressure on leg/foot for 8 weeks each time. Isolated from family, living in basement (where his mom died) bc he says it s more comfortable there with big tv and reclining couch, now complaining of lower back pain, hot flashes and thinks he may have prostate cancer, seems withdrawn, no eye contact, under stress trying to figure out retiring from one job and getting new one, military man (26 yrs), VERY black and white thinker, his mom was alcoholic died 2 yrs ago in our home, seems overly upset over her death (still cries over her when he tells people how she died) and tells me stories of how she forgot about him or didn t help him when he was young (like when he limped after an injury for 2 years and she never took him to see a doctor), yet now speaks of her as if she was really amazing and most perfect mother. He grew up with a stepdad who was indifferent to him and has reached out to his bio dad over the years, only to be rejected each time. has no real friends, was very active physically all his life but since surgery/meds sits all day and watches depressing news and is becoming a bit of a prepper. Will not seek (mental) help, thinks his problems are physical only. Seems extremely depressed. Is this BPD, narcicism, OCD? He always has been an extreme perfectionist - expects house to be immaculate at all times. I have 2 teenage boys 17 and 15. Seems almost jealous of older problem child and seems to be in competition against him. Seems VERY weird to me to. He never had kids of his own, twice divorced (I m #3 for him - obviously I have my own defects)! Does he need therapy? If so, what kind and for what? He s overly negative and critical of everyone - even people on tv. He has always been like this, although now it is more exaggerated and he is shutting down, silent, withdrawn. I came from very abusive (physically, emotionally etc) home (molested by my father), lived in fear of him - thought he would kill me, my mom or sister, I am recovering alcoholic (I drank for 3 years through my 1st divorce, but now sober 4 yrs) Do I likely have BPD too or something else? My poor kids are so damaged and I m the one who brought this man into their lives. He has threatened divorce for at least 4 of the 7 years we ve been together. This time I said adios, but we are still living in same house on different floors until we can work out details of divorce). I have had a lot of good counseling the past 8 months and off and on over the past 20 years- It is difficult to find good counseling where I am. have been pulling away from his controlling ways and getting healthier and ready to face the mess I ve caused (esp w my kids)..... Can it get any worse, you ask? Well...yes. My first husband (father of my kids) was diagnosed manic (which his mother told me about years after we were married). He tried to commit suicide with a gun to his head 2 years ago, but survived, is severely disfigured and has all sorts of problems). That all happened at the same time my current husbands mother was dying in our home and I was the only one who did most of the caring for her - bathing, washing, cooking, cleaning, helping her use bathroom etc. Here I was caring for a dying woman who had only been living with us for 5 months (we did not know she was ill when she moved in), knowing she only had weeks to months to live and being unable to care for my own kids whose dad just shot himself. Her diagnosis, death, and my kids dad s attempted suicide all took place in a 2 month period). I have been in survival mode ALL my life, made poor choice after poor choice, sometimes knowingly, other times not. I feel like I have been growing so much and realizing so much about how I have been so lacking in self confidence, yet just as I am getting better, my husband seems to be using a new control technique to manipulate me.....illness. This is a man who has boasted of his healthy habits for years. I know I have boundary issues and have been controlled and manipulated all my life.....Most of the help I ve had for the last 8 months have been for my boys and it may be too late for one of them. I ve exhausted all my resources to help my more troubled son (boarding school, wilderness camp, therapy, you name it). Please write back - any advice...just tell it like it is....I m tired of trying to figure it out for myself. And please, write me back more than a line or 2 if you can (in response to the novel I ve written. Maybe we should all just go check in at the nearest psych ward!!! I know you cannot diagnose illness from one written letter, but can you give me your best guess as to what our disorders are so we know what kind of therapist or medical doctor to see? My husband is obviously seeing a physician regularly and I don t go nearly as often. My doctor knows everything about me -addictions, abuse, all of it and I have been with him for 10 years. Gina