Im rather desparate for people to understand me. Its probably more mental than physical. i ve had 3 children 6,7 and 8 now, im also newly pregnant with a fourth but mentally in despair. I cant not bear a doctors or anti-natal appt. My third pregnancy i didnt tell the doctors, hospital or my mum/b/f i was pregnant until i gave birth. I had hypertension near the end of my first pregnancy and life has never been the same since. I got depressed and suggestable just before and afterbirth. I put so much pressure on myself to be healthy and perfect and i kept failiing. My bp kept shooting up and down on my second pregnancy as i kept trying to control my fear. Which meant i had midwifes and doctors treating me as a liability rather than a person. like said the 3rd baby i avoided all people and midwifes, strange thing is it was never that high really. I used to throw up with worry before every anti-natal with my 2nd pregnancy, even if bp was low it didnt matter i knew id fail the next time. I just want to go an anti-natal appt now and be happy but i cant. The mental problem is so much bigger than the physical problem, i know lots of people who have had high bp and pre=eclampsia at the end of their pregnancy but it didnt lead them to several nervous breakdowns.