I feel you need a break. Just for a day or for sometime , do what you like ...... be in peace with your soul....... Do some relaxation exercises.
Its not necessary to get up early at 4 AM everyday to meditate. Its your wish. You are a free bird. You can relaxe yourself whenever you feel like in a day , whenever you tend to reach a threshold of tolerance.
You can learn Relaxation Exercises by a trained Psychologist
or at different sites.
Dont do anything in a hurry.
be slow and calm in your daily approach.
or any sort of support i am always there for you.
Feel free to contact at my email email@example.com