Hi there,i am starting to realize that i could possibly have Parinoid Skitz...i have been suffering 4 a few years now,also drink and drug abuse has been a problem on and off 4 about 15 years,i am 29 and find everyday tasks difficult,i can t communicate or express myself propperly sometimes and feel that others are always judging me as stupid or lazy,i have become very interested in human phycology as a result of trying to find out the cause and effect. Also i have taken a keen intrest in Buddhist philosophy and meditation practice. I go through very intense periods of straightness,no alcohol or intoxicants 4 days,weeks or months which do benifit amazingly,almost to a point of whethering mania and confidence only to come chrashing down into depression when i get bored,loose faith or get too intense and get smashed on a one night binge out with friends.and all that good work is wasted and onset of paranoid skitz.comes on. Drink and drugs trigger it off, where as when im straight,i still have deranged delusional thought patterns but i don t feed or respond to them,they are simply conditioned phenomina,coming and going,rising and falling,changing all the time.(i don t cling to them so much) Or my minds creation,if i believe the voice in my head,i can create my own heaven or hell creation and destruction. I generally believe that mental illness is just affliction with ones own ego and in Buddhist doctrine,the ego is not a real thing,it is a delusion, just ones own mental projection through ones perception of the 5 sense organs and as to how one inturprits and responds to that stimuli.