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Issues in marriage due to overcaring, ego, lying . Worried, having suicidal tendency. How to overcome this situation?

I am an IT professional I am now 25 years old the girl I am mentioning here have 23 years old. we started love at our degree time. she is now doing MCA final year and after my degree i search for job to make a career faster and getting settled with her, 2 years before we married legally and that was a secret marriage because we don t wan t to miss each other if any problems comes in future. That is the reason why we did that. But now she is avoiding me... she don t like my presence, she told me that I am always scolding her, I didn t gave her peace after marriage, I know I am over caring, but she told me that I am doubting on her etc etc. I loved her so deeply.., I can t bear while she is talking with any other boy or if a marriage proposal comes in her home. I feel afraid always by thinking all these things. I am from a middle class family and she is from a rich family, also she is post graduated now I am feared about that she is avoiding me because of all these reasons. sometimes I feel inferior about myself... that I am not suit for her. I have so many family problems and office tensions. Now I got promoted as Project Leader but I can t work properly... I am always gloomy, I just act as a machine in my office. I feel loneliness , she never try to understand me, I know some where in her mind there is a soft corner for me. But she have such a mind that she don t like to express love, love is a thing that we need to kept in mind. But in my point of view love is a beautiful feeling but without expressing love is nothing. I am crying most of my nights by thinking about her. I don t know how to make her happy. I told her that I am going to leave her because I can t bear avoiding. Sometimes I think about suicide but later I think about my family, my mom, dad...I am the elder son in my family and I have my responsibility towards them. I don t know how to manage all these situations. She never tried to understand me. Two days before she told me that she is in her village and will come back after three days. I can t call her while she is in home. But later I realized from our mutual friend that she is in college, and she told me lie that she is in home. I asked her why you lied... her reply makes me hurted more. She don t like my presence and she don t like to hear my voice. so I told her I am leaving her forever. I know that is not possible for me... but some how I managed one day by switching off my phone. But when I switch on my phone I got 6 blank messages from her that makes me writing this. Also I know I can t live without her. I don t know she loves me or not but her words... I can t forget. How can I disturb the person who don t like my presence. I don t know if I did write or wrong. Please suggest me... help me to overcome this situation.
Asked On : Mon, 18 Mar 2013
Answers:  1 Views:  30
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Psychiatrist 's  Response
Dec 2014
Welcome to HCM

You have described your problem in detail. The problem is only due to misunderstanding. A lot of cognitive distortions are there which should be corrected. Assumptions should always be avoided in a relationship. You have mentioned that you are caring and over loving. You have also mentioned that you don't like her talking to any of male friends. Just ask your self is it really care and love or something else. She is a different individual and she also need her space. You are intruding in her space and this has resulted in a vicious cycle of doubt and fights. This is the reason she is avoiding you. She is saying that she didn't get peace of mind after marriage. But due to continuous mis trust she has started avoiding you. She just want peace of mind. I will advise you to go to a Counselor for proper counseling. Then request her to come along with you for Couple Therapy for strained relationships. Talk to her about restarting the life. Decide to change yourself. Don't feel inferior work had so that you can win her again.
And also don't threaten her with suicidal threats. This will affect only you and no one else will be affected. If you both are ready to continue again then reach to a amicable state by talking to each other.

Dr. Seikhoo Bishnoi
Answered: Wed, 20 Mar 2013
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