What you need right now are not solutions, but a lot of introspection. Usually I would advice you to consult a Psychiatrist
and perhaps a Psychotherapist for a combined approach. But if you can't afford it, we need to see how you can find help.
This is an open forum, and it may not be appropriate to discuss personal issues here. You can try sending me a mail by visiting my profile page. Let us see if we can ease out the situation with email exchanges.
Feelings of sadness, frustration, hopelessness, etc. are mostly a result of our own thoughts, inferences and beliefs about what happens to us. And thus, we have the freedom to modify our own thinking in a way that we can go on with our lives with minimal emotional disturbances. For this to happen, you need to find a way to explore your inner thoughts and beliefs. A therapist can of course help you with that. The next best option is discussing it via email. Let me know.
Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD