Hi, I'm 12, and I have recurring clinical depression. I've had it since I was 10, when i burst out into 2-3 months of depression. Since then, it's come back in short bursts, about an hour at a time. It's gotten worse lately, an example being that a few hours ago, I searched suicide methods and considered a suicide pact. I've considered suicide every time I have a burst, getting worse each time. I've not told my parents, and I suspect that they played some part in the depression. I've even been told by my mother that I was an accident. Of course, it clinged on, and when i was next depressed, it added to fueling it. I've realised that, on the off chance they should love me, only if, I'm still the least favourite of their children, as with my siblings, they congratulate them, whereas my actions are only recognised if they are even slightly bad. Even should I do nothing wrong, I bear the grunt of whatever mood my parents have. Much like a punchbag for the emotions. I was bullied for 8 years, adding insult to injury. I realise that the most part of my depression sources from my parents. I don't get angry or sad, instead I get depressed, so could concealed emotions add to the depression? I have a few friends who know, so, if they are near me whilst depressed, they try to cheer me up. These people are the only comfort this world has to offer me. As I type this, I contemplate suicide in the back of my mind, but I don't want to go to a doctor or psychiatrist, what should I do?