Hi, It seems that you might be having acute depression with developing suicidal tendency. You require urgent consultation of psychiatrist and require urgent treatment with counseling. Develop strong will power and positive approach towards life. Think of some one who is more complicated problems than yours in their life and still they are fighting back against tough problems. Killing himself is not the solution, golden days are waiting for you. If thought of killing your self comes in your mind, take deep breath and divert your mind to some memorable events in your life. Once this thought disappears from your mind you will feel relax. Ok and take care.