Welcome to HCM.
You are already controlling yourself as you are not forcing your wife to have sex with you.
But your brain desire for sex cannot be controlled.
So you have to use other ways of sex to release your brain tension of sex otherwise you will be psychologically ill.
If your wife is not interested in vaginal sex than you can ask her for oral sex
or sex by hand to release you orgasm.
If she does not cooperate for this too than you have no choice except doing masturbation
If you have other hobbies than you can make yourself busy in them so that your brain should not have time to think of sex.