Hello and welcome to Healthcare Magic. Thanks for your query.
I can understand what you are going through and how distressing it can be to go through such difficult and trying times. Since you seem to be very emotionally upset and depressed due to this recent stress, you may need professional help to come out of this depressive phase.
Secondly, it's a good idea to try not to analyse yourself or feel guilty desparately look for answers at this time when you are already under so much of emotional trauma and stress. The better way would be to just 'stay afloat' till this turbulent and depressive phase passes away, so that you will be in a calmer and stronger state of mind to figure things out later.
If you feel that you are finding it difficult to cope up, then you can seek professional help from a psychiatrist
or a counsellor. There are effective treatment options - in the form of medication or counselling
which will help you overcome these depressive thoughts.
Wish you all the best.
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar