Hi there ~
I understand all that you are going through. It is called endogenous or clinical depression
. It is not uncommon in these conditions to have these thoughts. However getting the right treatment in the form of medications, and therapy and maybe hospitalization for a few days might be helpful in your case. The scary thoughts are negative thoughts not just anxiety
. Anxiety and depression feed off of each other. I think this answers your question. Your next stop is surely a psychiatrist
I hope this helped. Take care and have a lovely day !