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Depression, frustration, agitated. Unable to have sex. What is the reason?

My husband is suffering from impotency which he never disclosed before marriage as we never had sex. This is an arranged marriage and his second marriage. When he failed many times after marriage, I tried a lot to understand him but all in vain. Sometimes he told me that he is 30, not 20 years old and sexual urge in men decrease with age. At other times, he told me that he is tired or I shouldn t ask him for anything. He cannot perform when asked, so i shouldnt try to arouse him or touch his private parts. Everything went in vain, i cried and he shouted at me telling me that my sexual urge is very high. He even abused me verbally. I gave it back to him asking him to take medicine or I will have to go out of marriage. Very reluctantly, he tried medicine and was able to perform only in 50% of occasions during his sleep. Through medication and persistance, I managed to concieve and delivered a baby. Our marriage is only 15 months old now and we have a 1 month baby. Since I have concieved, he never approached me for sex. He doesnt even talk about sex and keep on running away from this topic. I am only 30 years old and so is he. His old divorce was mutual but it has come to my knowledge now that in his first 6 years of marriage, he never attempted sex and that was the reason why she committed adultry after 6 years for which he left her. I am asking him the reason for non performance, and he is providing me some false reasons like he never lived with ex for a long time. I had to call her ex and she tells me that for all 6 years, she was staying with him under the same roof but he never approached her for sex. She used to cry every night but he ignored and never attended her even emotionally. Also, i have discovered that he got optical internal urethrotomy done just 5 months before our marriage which i never knew earlier. I have a question on my future sex life with my husband. He is not available physically or emotionally driven by himself and dont make me feel like a woman. I am already feeling burdened because he cheated me but thinking about the baby, I want to understand his mind. He never shares anything with me, his regular routine involves spending 10 hours in office and sleeping off with dinner and TV in the night. When i ask him about his problem, he becomes agitated and fights with me. After the delivery of the baby, he tells me that he is normal and this is very common behaviour in indian men. He refuses to get treated and considers it a public humiliation to visit a doctor. It has made me so frustated that recently, i abused him back once on phone and he recorded that. Now, he is using that to threaten me of divorce on gounds of cruelity. I am feeling extremely depressed and I am worried that he might even hurt the baby if he can threaten me of divorce instead of feeling happy for the birth of the baby. Please suggest what should I do.
Asked On : Tue, 15 Oct 2013
Answers:  1 Views:  59
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OBGYN, Maternal and Fetal Medicine 's  Response
HELLO!
You have all rights to be worried
but not depressed.Being mother is the most beautiful thing for the women and for this reason you should be more understandable because your husband is passing a big problem.You should treating as a friend that he expresses his problems to you.After this you should go with your husband to a doctor(psychiatrists) to explain his problems.
Im sorry but you should be strong for you because you are very young and for your baby.
DR.Vjollce
Answered: Thu, 21 Nov 2013
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