Hello and welcome to Healthcare Magic. Thanks for your query.
I can understand what you are going through and how distressing it can be to go through such difficult and trying times. Firstly, the suicidal thoughts, self-hatred and a negative view about life indicate that you are going through a depression
. You also seem to have suffered from intense emotional trauma due to the rape. I understand that it seems pointless to live and that there is no more hope. But don't get dejected and give up. I appreciate you for having the will and courage to pull through these immense difficulties because of your children. As you have mentioned it is important that have come this far, you don't give up and continue to fight and cope up with life, both for yourself and your children's well being.
There is lot of help available, and with aprropriate treatment - with medication and counselling
, you will surely be able to come out of this depressive phase. So, please seek professional help to mangage your difficulties and tide away this difficult period in your life. Please remember that you should remain hopeful at least for the sake of your children. I would advise you to keep taking to someone close and keep them aware of your suicidal thoughts. Do not stay alone by yourself and if necessary, re-admit yourself to the hospital.
Wish you all the best.
Dr. Jonas Sundarakumar