Hey I'm 24 years old. I'm always tense and I feel like I'm always angry. I really dislike people and I feel like if given the oppurtunity I would really do some harm to people who have done me wrong. I don't feel like its a normal reaction I feel like I'm seriosly degrading another persons life.

I love my girlfriend atleast I think I do, I love being with her but emotion that emotion love doesn't feel like much of anything. I dont feel like other people proclaim to feel. She's logically the best person for me. I don't abuse her and I dont think I ever will. My ex however would send me over the wall and I really hurt her. It's like Im always on the bring of an explosion. I always get the feeling that my friends aren't my friends. I always degrade them based on the lack of intelligence they have. Stupid people. I dont know why I feel like I'm better than them. I don't know why when I walk into walmart everyone around me sickens me. I don't understand why I'm filled with such hate. It's really come to the point where it's starting to scare me. Like this dark pressure inside me is growing. I have a cat and sometimes I get frustrated with but I toss him around like he isnt alive. Sometimes by the neck, sometiems I even imagine choking it until it can't move. Afterwards im engulfed in this flush of sadness thinking about missing him. I sometimes imagine my girlfriend dead but then I that same sadness hits me. Then anger. I sometimes dream about selectively wiping out the human race. It's really farfetched but who am I to judge someones value? I feel like I want to just REMOVE filth and another part of me wants to help that filth.

This has been longer than intended. I have no insurance and i've been trying to find help whereever I can get it. That's why Im trying to get all the info I can in one message. I also eat ALOT to cope with this. WHat is wrong with me? Will I kill someone? Could I? When I hurt my ex I would feel horrible after I did what I did. SOmetimes I would feel bad while doing it. Liek it was her fault! SHe made me do it! I knew better but I wanted to kill her...over nothing I knew it was NOTHING but still I couldnt control it. I can never control it ever!